This is More than My Mother Diserves

You walked out on us

But then you walk in to our house with your how dare eyes

But wait...

How dare you

Pretending like it was easy for you to Leave your nine year old to know that life had been too tough

She didn't care that much

Being blinded to reality

She ran to your side anytime you called

Leaving again and again

Being “Loyal” forever

But in the back of her mind

She knew

that pills and meth were never enough for you

For no fix would ever fix you

With all the endless nights you spent with them you must have forgot that you did not only did you leave her you left me a three year old who barely knew

Your face, your voice, your care you had once shown

Only to leave a bitter taste in my mouth every time I think of you

Despising you for every decision you ever made

For you did not care

Your action showed that

The pills and the meth was worth everything to you

While you knew the quick fixes would only fix the pain in your heart a split second making it feel like an eternity

The one who should have the loudest voice of all in this is your one year old daughter that waited for the love and kindness of a mother to appear

But she found no mother when you showed around

You were nothing but a stranger in her eyes

She made excuse after excuse

To love you but

All hope she had for you vanished when you couldn't even remember her name

You were selfish and deeply in love

Not with yourself, not with your family but with the pills and meth that became part of your being, more than your family, more than your own life

Risking everything for that fix you so hopelessly dependent on no matter what even if it meant dying alone in the middle of an alley

I hated you for all the chaos you left us to sort through

For all the times you forgot us

Thinking about it

All I could come to is

I cant whine about it

Your choice was set in stone

But I still have the chance

To never pick the easy way out of reality

Never to follow in your shadow

To be different

Knowing that your are nothing but a poison in our life

But you will never know that poison gave me strength

And I thank you

For I have risen above your influence

Author's Note

This is a poem made to be spoken in a slam competition.