Adam and Eve

a poem i wrote in 2 minutes from mind

I run with you through the night

the moonlight gleaming off your skin

my pupils dialate as i meet your gaze

Naked together our bodies sway

against the rock is where we stand

a beautiful apple in hand

our bodies moving together in sync

your body quivers while i'm on my knees

your hands upon my back my legs around your waist

the apple remains in my hand

the call of the night

is the moans and the sighs

from the rock came the water from which we swam

Like adam and eve we commit perfect sin

our bodies entwined the apple has a bite

my hands upon your back

we sink into the night

forever our memories etched into your back

Author's Note

its kinda raw i just let it flow freshly

Reviews

[Warick Ten Bohmer]

For a 2min poem from your mind it's rather enticing. I was a bit disappointed it came to an end. I might make a suggestion, stanzas for every capital letter, so at Naked and Like, and maybe at your hands as well (making it Your)

Other than that a brilliant read. Thank you.

[KatiePie]

oh dear ((blushes))
This was very beautiful I must say, and I really love how it ends. Gorgeous write ^-^
-Cathrine

[tygernymph0425]

this poem is truly amazing. i love the imagery and flow. this poem is very well written.

[Jennifer Pennington]

Wow this is indeed a very raw and intensely written piece of work. I love how you did this. So dark and lusty. =) Nice job.

[Chassitie Linnaea Nicol..]

its all good i love constructive critiscism it helps me become a better writer

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I like it, oh so sensuous... very descriptive..
Using Adam and Eve as the characters makes it even more so , just a bit taboo. And a touch of darkness.
Wonderful poem of love and lust and that 'apple'!

I think you should capitalize Adam and Eve.
You used the word back often , maybe you could find another word in place of back for a word or two. Dialtate - dilate.

As you said, you just let it flow as i do then I read and don't see the boos boos , as my son calls them lol so please don't think i am being one of those bitchy reviewers.. this is a good poem..