Chapter 1 - Uninhabited

Chapter 1

It was the fifth day of the month; we all knew what that meant. Emergency drill, has been ever since I can remember. I was in a class near the end of the station, far from home. We started to hear the warning alarm and began packing up to head home, in no rush at all.

Without warning explosions started to blare throughout the ship, screams barely audible over them. We panicked as our teacher rushed us back into the classroom where we sat for hours, alarm blaring the whole time. Our teacher talked quietly with the others, little idea what was going on as well. Before long security personnel came along and started to shuffle us all back home, all but me anyway. One of them grabbed me and yanked me out of the group, pulling me away from my classmates.

They told me both my parents had died in the explosions. Both were coming back to get me and see me safely home for the drill, neither of them made it. There was an explosion that ruptured the hull, the emergency blast doors and air locks shut, trapping many in to perish but (according to them) saved the lives of many others on the ship. They died with little to no pain, as if that was supposed to be comforting to a small child who was just told they lost both parents.

My mother worked security; she was a bigger woman, strong and muscular, one you didn’t want to mess with. But despite her scary appearance she was incredibly sweet and had the most beautiful smile… I’ll never forget it. My father worked in the government, nothing super high up but because of his rank we lived in one of the nicer sections of the station, Section C. I can’t remember their faces anymore…

Since both my parents had perished I was given to a couple living in Section D of the station. They were a very generous couple who brought me in with no hesitation. My adoptive father is a security officer who actually knew my mother. My new mother was a teacher, and although she never actually had me I did remember seeing her every now and then walking to and from classes. Since the higher of the two was security personal he was only permitted to live in Section D, which was a downgrade but not by much. He was roughly fourth in our social hierarchy, just below government officials, scientists, engineers, researchers, and the like. They split people into sections by what they believed they contributed and were worth to the station. The more valuable you were, the nicer amenities and treatment you received. Despite them living a section lower they took me in and treated me like one of theirs, made me feel loved and welcomed.

I was about seven when this happened; it feels like so long ago though. A lot of people lost loved ones that day, and no one ever did find out what really happened. However don’t let that confuse you, someone knows, they just don’t tell anyone of lower status details like why. 

Reviews

[Jimmy]

You use good descriptive language but their is some awkward wording here and there.
-Emergency Drill, It has been this way as long as i can remember i absolutely love this sentence.
-Replaced one of them with a security officer because first read through comes off as confusing and you want the reader to never stop.
-i was lost at first about the two fathers thing so you might want to go right out and hint at it more but never outright state it because that would ruin the illusion that you are creating within your work.

[Shannon]

This is a great start. Engaging. At first I was thinking historical. The reveal of a ship is cool.

I think the explanation of the two dads is handled in a nice nonchalant manner, but could be clearer. Instead of first and second consider 'one dad' and 'my other dad' or something similar. Also consider changing '..I never personally had him but...' to something like 'he never actually taught me...'.

I look forward to seeing where this goes!