Depression

Depression from the point of, well a depressed person.

I feel sad most of the time, depressed with no reason. It’s not something that can be fixed, believe me I tried, simply because I can’t pinpoint the cause. Things attribute to it, of course, a bad day or an embarrassing moment, but they're not the root of the problem of course.

 

It’s been there for years, for as long as I can remember to be honest; the feeling deep down of emptiness and pure exhaustion. You feel like you need to just sleep for weeks, but sleep can’t fix it, in fact it keeps you awake longer, and time only makes it worse.

 

Don't talk to me, don’t even acknowledge I exist, I don’t want you to, it only makes it worse. I feel so lonely, yet I want to be alone. I feel so depressed, yet I prevent myself from feeling happy. Something good happens and my mind gives it a bad taste, taints it permanently. It’s a curse, a sickness to which there is no cure. It goes away every so often, you feel like things are getting better, life is looking up, things are changing. But this is an illusion, a lie to yourself, perhaps a reminder of how bad things are.

 

You forget what being happy feels like, what life feels like when you're not full of anxiety, sadness, or exhaustion. You forget so much, you simply become numb to happiness, and this is life’s way of reminding you what you simply don’t have and what you can’t reach. And the worst part? There’s nothing you can do about it, not a single thing. You can hide it, put on a mask, no one knows the difference you hide it so well; years of practice, of course. But beneath that smile, behind that mask of hope, theres nothing, even if you convince yourself otherwise. An empty void where happiness should be, numb to any positive feeling.

No one sees it, no one cares to look. Beneath that mask I wear, I’m just another psychopath, another lunatic, drowning in plain sight.