Prelude to The Tridivian Records

The Six gathered around him, only the sound of steel being drawn forth pierced the foreboding quiet. The crown would have once looked imposing" hardened black metal cresting into seven sharp spires, jewels of deep purple and black embedded into the base of each spire. Yet, having been toppled from the kneeling man’s head, it merely looked a discarded toy nestled among the soil and rocks of the freshly dug pit. The man made no sounds, no cries of mercy, no begging for his life. Only a cool calm, eyes fluttering gently beneath closed eyelids as if he were experiencing a vivid dream. The Six knew where the man’s mind had escaped to and they had sent their True to ensure he would escape no further. The eldest of the Six stepped forward, a firm grip on the broadsword drawn at his side"eyes scanning the faces of the other kings, each in turn giving a curt nod of agreement.

“You have been charged with crimes against the Almighty and the peoples of the Reaches.” He spoke, knowing that the kneeling king could no longer hear him but feeling the need for renewed propriety in the wake of such carnage. “By the power of the remaining Six, you are hereby sentenced to death by beheading and your consciousness to be eternally imprisoned within the Etherium.”  

The king turned, gaze sweeping across the remaining survivors. “And to the kingdom of recreants and loyalists who served the betrayer kneeling before us…” He called, the wind sweeping his booming voice across the expanse. From among the ranks, a soldier stepped forth, hands precariously cupping an enormous jewel"presenting it to the king. The jewel’s insides swirled with what seemed an infinite depth of inky blacks and purples. The king’s lip curled, a brief look of contempt and disgust washing over his face as his gaze passed over the jewel back towards the enemy. “The Gifting bestowed upon you by the Almighty shall be severed. What you once held as Holy, you have desecrated and as such are condemned to darkness.” 

Hundreds of eyes followed the jewel as the soldier stepped forward. With a nod of finality from the eldest king, the soldier let the jewel slide from his hands dropping into the depths of the pit with a soft thud. Without hesitation, the king raised his broadsword skyward. 

The kneeling king’s eyes opened, darting upwards to meet his executor’s gaze. “You do not yet know of darkness.” 

As the broadsword fell"sharpened steel biting into flesh, severing head from body"a shock wave of destructive power thrust outward from the kneeling king. A final act of defiance, leveling a kingdom to ash and sending tremors of destruction throughout the Reaches. 

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems, I have people that can do the editing.

Particularly looking for feedback on:
1) How well does the chapter hold you?
2) Input on Character/Dialogue/World Depth?
3) If you found that you stopped reading at a certain point, what lost your interest? What part of the story no longer captivated you?
4) Overall what did you like/not like?

Reviews

[Adamantheus]

As you probably know, I'm not good at writing, bust as you left me a review, I want to try to return the favor to the best of my capabilities.
I really enjoyed reading this, because the descriptions were rich and captivating, and with all the mystery that you filled this chapter with, it really got me wondering about all the names and what they could be. I feel like this would be one of the stories that one really gets into after reading the first few chapters, but with this being the only one you published, I think there is a small excess of unexplained proper nouns, but I'm sure that in case of a longer story, it wouldn't be a problem because you would explain them later on.
The only part I don't like is the third paragraph, which also lost my attention. I find the part after "And to the kingdom of recreants..." really confusing and unclear. I simply do not understand the connection between said recreants and the ceremony with the jewel. Still, I really enjoyed reading this, and thank you for sharing it.
I'm certain that my review will be of no use to you, for I gave you no practical tips whatsoever, but I tried.

[C.C. Griffin]

Thanks for the review. It was encouraging and helpful. I agree with you on the third paragraph. I actually had trouble conveying the information that I wanted to in that paragraph. So, I will probably end up reworking it. :)