My Last Night With Marcus by Jessica Charnelle Crudup
I love my boyfriend Marcus Williams. He’s just the sweetest guy. Nice and funny. He treats me like a princess and tells me how happy he is to have me as his girl. From sharing a Sonic slush to laying in my backyard on a puffy blanket looking up at the stars…were always doing just about everything together. And people admire our relationship because were different as big and small, day and night. I’m outgoing and a big risk taker. Marcus is kind of low key and shy. He doesn’t tell me a lot of things but I love the adventure of having to observe him to get things from him. Like I knew how he was feeling by the songs he sung. If he was sad he would sing things like See You Again by Ton3x or Free by Day 26. But when he was joyful he would sing Happy by D Haddon or something like Love You by Bobby Valentino. Oh how I love that boys voice and I get emotional when he seems to sob in his songs sometimes. Marcus dad passed when he was 8 years old. I look into his eyes and read that he’s still deeply hurt from it. I often get so mad at myself for saying I have the worst life ever when Marcus spends everyday like as if it’s his last and he has been through much worse. His mom has told me that she see’s him glowing a lit that forms around him only when I’m around. I couldn’t ever imagine me and Marcus being apart but on a cold night in September something happened that would split us up forever…
Marcus and I was driving and goofing around on our way to the skating ring. We were so excited because this was a new rink and from school we had heard that this one was off the hook! Marcus and I literally fell back when we walked in astonished at all the lights and the hip music that was being played. I looked around at the people and everyone was having a blast. We actually ran to the skate lockers to put ours on and get our dance on out there. While I was tying my shoes I noticed Marcus was staring at me, “What dude?! Your bugging me out!” he laughed “I’m sorry Jan but your so beautiful.” I let my leg down and sat by him and looked in his eyes. His big brown eyes always sparkled when I looked into them. He tickled me behind my ears and kissed me. “Okay enough of the gushy stuff.” I protested before pulling him off the bench and throwing him on the skate floor. Flash Light from Apparel started playing and we got our old school dance on. We goofed off with everyone! The whole rink was playing around with us as we thought up games like Red Light Green Light and Freeze Tag. The giggles going around the rink was so enlightening to me, I was having the most fun I had in a long time. Marcus was smiling…I hadn’t ever really seen him do that and as I watched him I got a whole other view of him. Marcus was fine but the boy looked incredible when he smiled. I was dazing out so much I hadn’t even noticed that Marcus was singing and everyone was clapping to his voice. The Disk jockey played the instrumental to Marcus’s song and me and some girls that I had just met screamed and skated around him like as if he was on stage and we were die hard fans of him. Marcus laughed a big hearty one…I hadn’t heard him do to much of that either. After while the Disk jockey threw out some slow grooves for couples skate. “Janette I love you so much.” I looked up at him into those eyes. He glowed his brightest that night. “Marcus I love you just the same.” I rubbed my hands on his back as he lowered his down on my body. We kissed until the lights came back on and the Disk jockey announced that he was playing one more bumping song before the rink would close. Marcus scuffed., “Aw fiddle sticks Jan they close early here.” we laughed “It’s probably a white owned rink Marcus…what you expect.” “Haha well I feel kind of tired, I don’t really feel like doing this one.” he put his arm around my shoulder as we skated to the bench “Yawl leaving?” asked this girl I had been getting tutoring from “Yea” I started “Haha were worn!” she chuckled with us “Well I just want to get Marcus’s or your number so my dad can get in contact with yawl…he’s the owner of this rink and also a music company and thought Marcus had an amazing voice, see him over there?” she pointed to this chubby dude that looked like a white Gerald Leveret. We waved. “Yea ok give us yours too!” Marcus was speechless. Marcus and I shook her hand before she rushed over to give her dad the numbers. Marcus sung all the way to the car. “I’m going to make you go platinum alone, I’m telling you I’m going to buy like 1,000 of yo s***s.” he gave me a silly look, “Oh Jan you’ve heard me sing forever!…Your not gonna wanna hear me singing to much more.” He smiled at me. “Hun I want to hear you sing till Jesus comes, you’re my favorite singer!” “Really Jan?” “Yea boo and I’m not just saying that so that you’ll want to bone me either.” I gave him a wink before he fell on the ground laughing. We finally got in the car and was on our way to 7-11 to get some cookies and watermelon Arizona drinks. I felt hungry so I threw in a hotdog “Woman you raising up the bill.” he joked, I looked at the cashier and said “He’s the guy shouldn’t he pay for my hotdog?!” She laughed and nodded her head in a yes motion. Marcus sighed “Well get me one too and just for that your driving back home.” I moaned and turned so he wouldn’t see me smiling. Marcus ran up behind me while I was at the counter and jumped up on my back. “Can you call 911?” I asked the cashier. She was really laughing this time “Oh you kids are so silly.” I got the receipt to wave it in his face and show that it won’t nothing but $8 and he fussed about how that was a good beer before flashing me a big stupid grin. When we got in the car we sat there for awhile eating. It was just silent for a bit all you could hear as him drinking the whole soda in one gulp. “Marcus sweetie?” He turned to look at me and said huh with cookie crumbs falling out his mouth “Ugh ew” I gestured and he laughed while more even fell out his mouth “N***a control yo drool!” I pouted while handing him a napkin. I smirked knowing he had did that on purpose. “Haha what’s up though ma?” “You know I love you to death right?” “Yea of course you do, who couldn’t love the fly Marcus Williams. He popped his collar and I shoved him to the window. “Oh fool.” I yelled as he reached over to mess up my hair. “Oh please don’t say to death Jan, I hate death say you love me to life.” He cupped his hand around my cheeks. I leaned in towards him. “Okay boo I love you to life!” I whispered before we kissed. My mind started racing thinking about our kids and careers in the music business and how good life was going to be after we graduate from college after while. “You never kissed that good hun!” I licked my lips, “Yea thought I’d give you the Janette lip express.” He started up the engine and the car wouldn’t start. He instantly got worried. He kept going at it for a good 6 times before the car finally rumbled again. We did a few nervous chuckles and got out on the interstate then the car broke down right while were by the bridge. It was about 11:40 and night so not too many people was gonna drive pass and notice our car sitting there. Marcus got so scared he started to shake. I hugged him trying to call calm him down. “Jan what are we gonna do!?” he shouted. I thought for a minute. “Ok Marcus I’m going to go back down the hill and run to the 7-11, maybe I can get someone to drive up here and jump the cables for us.” He gave out a sigh at the idea. “Okay Jan but let me go, there’s dangerous people out here that wish to harm you my pretty.” Just like Marcus to make his own and my fears or hard feelings go away with a joke or two. I gave him the thumbs up and we kissed before he left. I silently prayed that someone to help us would be there. After a few minutes of twiddling my fingers I turned on the radio. I turned to the station I worked at and they were playing The Beautiful Place by Tonex, one of my favorite songs. I let the seat back and hummed along with the tune. If I weren’t so worried and tired I would’ve actually started some praise and worship up in that car. A few more gospels grooves came on I turned the radio off. I kept looking back out the window waiting for Marcus. ‘He should’ve been here by now’ I thought to myself. It had been 20 minutes. Instead of worrying that something happened to Marcus I worried that we’d get in trouble with our parents. Yea both of us were 18 but they still gave us curfews that we had to follow. Since it was a weekend night they gave us till 1 am to hang and things and my dad gave the whole ‘I better not smell any drinks on your breath and your jacket best be on your shoulders without the scent of weed.‘ I glanced at the car clock 12:05 am. “Come on Marcus!” by then I had gotten out of car even though he told me not to, waiting for him by the bridge rail. 5 more minutes passed before ambulance, police and fire trucks came flying down the interstate hill. ‘Oh darn now Marcus is gonna stay down longer to be nosey and see what’s going on’ I thought to myself. Time passed and one of the officers drove back up the hill and stopped behind the car. He slowly got out and I kind of froze up when I saw Marcus’s id in his hands. He held it up with a flash light “Miss do you know this man?” “Yes” I shakily replied. I‘ve always been scared . “And this is a photo of you?” I peered at the picture and nodded remembering that Marcus had took that on our first date and kept it in his wallet ever since. “Your relation to Marcus Williams Miss?” “I’m his girlfriend.” “Okay.” he said while writing all of that down. Then he flipped the book closed and slowly lifted his head to be back looking at me. “Miss your boyfriend has been shot 3 times in the stomach for a robbery, I have his wallet here and the woman in the store said she saw him asking a man for help with the car here and she said when the guy said no Marcus offered him some money…” I fell to the ground kicking and screaming for a while and officer sat beside me and hugged me. “Officer…is my boo dead?” “Yes miss. He didn’t die instantly, the woman that was smoking in front of the store had ran back in when she heard the shooting and then ran out after the car sped off. She told me that though Marcus was bleeding every where he kept telling her to ‘keep Jan safe’ and ‘call 911 and tell them to please help Jan’. I sobbed and cried thinking how Marcus was laying there dying in his pool of blood but still thought me up here with this raggedy car. “Did yawl catch who did it or know or will get him and what’s going to be done to him?!” The office lifted me off the ground and told me to come down the hill with him so that the other policemen can explain everything. Once I got down there I learned that it was the cashier that saw everything that went on. She explained to me that when Marcus offered money and opened his wallet the guy glees at the 20’s Marcus wallet was full of. She told me she heard him say “I’ll help you and your gal for $80.” Marcus looked at the cashier and shook his head along with her then told the guy never mind and was about to go into the store and call home. As the cashier was walking to go around behind the counter and get the phone she heard 4 gun shots. She quickly jumped the counter and hid behind the bullet proof casing while still peering at the scene. She told me that she couldn’t really see because she guess Marcus had fallen to the ground so that’s when she kind of stood up high enough to downward onto the ground but not to be seen so much and that’s when she saw Marcus bleeding like hell and the guy taking Marcus’s money and bank card out his wallet. She said Marcus reached the wallet after the guy threw it down and took my picture out. She ran out after she saw that the guy drive out and went to see Marcus. “He was covered in blood!” she told me “I held his hand and tried talking to him but all he could muster was help Jan! Keep Jan safe. He kept pointing to your picture. He said call 911 and tell them to help Jan.” The cashier gave me and slight smile and hug and told me that he’s in a better place. I thanked her went to the ambulance. “Can I see him?” I asked the driver. He flipped back the sheet and I kissed him on the cheek before he covered him back up. I cried as everyone drove away and I hopped into the back of the police car on my way to Ms. Williams house like I had requested. They already got the news and I saw Ms. Williams staring wide eyed into thin air. I ran out and she ran to me. “Ms. Williams I’m so sorry…I’m so so sorry!” she held me and we sat on the porch swing “Oh hunny” she whispered threw teary eyes “This isn’t your fault.” Ms. Williams rubbed my back and I rocked in her arms. “I should’ve went down to get help or I should’ve just thought to call you or mom!” She shook her head and patted. “Jan don’t blame yourself sweetums, the gunman shouldn’t have shot him and that’s where were leaving it at.” Me, her, his sister and even the dog all cried on the porch for a while. My mom drove up. She was crying to. “Oh Jan baby!” I ran to her crying uncontrollably. “Mom my life is over!” Marcus’s sister Marcella came to pick me up. I hugged her and her mom after I gained composure and told them I’d be back tomorrow. I cried and talked with my mom the whole way home. She cried with me, she knew that Marcus was going to be my husband some day. Went we got the house I told mom to go on in and that I’d be in the backyard. She gave me a concerned look and was about to protest with me about it but let it go when she saw that this was an argument she would surely lose. I got mines and Marcus blanket out the trunk where I put all the rest of our stuff from his car. I walked to the backyard and began crying again as I thought of how I’ll never ran back here holding Marcus’s hand and hearing his boots crunch on the grass. I took the blanket and laid right in the spot we’d always put it. We had been there so much the grass actually formed the blanket and our body prints. I laid in my spot and wept as I looked over and imagined how I’ll never be able to search his sparkling brown eyes again. Then I thought that I’ll have no one to point out the stars to and how we’ll never run around the backyard playing cop and robber or how we’d play husband and wife in the tree house my dad built. He was the perfect husband. Would pretend he was coming home from work and walk up behind me and start giving me a massage. He would chuckle and say “Hey love.” I would turn around and smile “Hey hunny how was work?” Same O was what he always said. “You tired boo?” I would always ask No not at all in fact I’m antsy was his exact response every time and then he’d flick his tongue and I’d wink at him. I had known Marcus forever, we were born on the same day, our moms are best friends. But we hadn’t always felt a romantic kind of love for each other. We were just best friends up until high school. I’ll never forget it was the Freshman jump off and while I was dancing with my then boyfriend he tapped on my shoulder whispered for me to go with him. I told Charles I’d be right back. Marcus and I walked out to the lockers where there wasn’t to much noise and people and struggled to talk “Jan I have I need to tell you…” “Tell me what?” I began to smile and he stopped sweating after that “Totellyouthatiloveyou” “What?” “To tell you that I love you.” “Oh Marcus you silly boy I know that, I love you to!” I gave him I peck on the cheek and started to walk away “Wait you’d loved me but never told me?” my face kind of frowned up, I thought he was trying to be retarded on purpose “I tell you I love you everyday Marcus. I mean like…I need to go back in with Charles.” When I started walking away again he grabbed my arm and this time he kissed me. As soon as we let go from the kiss Charles walked up “Janette their bout to play limbo!” “Okay!” I ran after Charles and looked back at Marcus he smiled and I smiled back. We broke up with our dates later that night. It wasn’t too painful since we hadn’t been with them for a good time because it was freshman year and we had just started dating. Ever since then we’d been together that’s like 5 darn years. During that time being Christian children we decided that we weren’t going to have sex until we got married and that if we just can’t than it won’t be until we got older and it would most defiantly be safe. We both had promise rings, rings that we bought and prayed together over that we can behave ourselves and either wait for sex or wait until were older. And we kept our promise until our 19th birthday party. I lay here rubbing my ring thinking of that night. We were scared but hey here we were grown adults and madly in love. We couldn’t help it. We had a condom and I had birth control that the doctor had prescribed for me to see if that would help my periods come back on. A week later he actually asked me to marry him, after a few minutes of silence we both shook our heads and said that we need to finish college first. I started crying again thinking how all the dreams and plans we had are now gone. My mom came out and laid beside me. She looked over at me and I just kept up at the sky. “The stars are so beautiful tonight.” she whispered. I still looked up. “And you know what Jan?” I finally looked over “Look at that one star over there.” My mom pointed to this one that seemed different from the others. I looked at it and then sat up to study it. Mom sat up with me “It’s the brightest one out isn’t it?” I nodded “And you know that star wasn’t so bright last night or the night before…” I looked at her kind of blank like. “It’s glowing…just like Marcus did when he was with you.” I followed my gaze up with my mom and you know it did glow like him. It glowed all around the shape of the star just as Marcus had. With that I left into the house and peacefully slept.
The funeral was actually a fun experience. Don’t get me wrong it was sad and I soaked my blouse in tears but talking about Marcus and his accomplishments and good memories we all had with him made us all feel better. I kissed the flower before I laid it on his casket. I hugged just about everyone there knowing them or not because they all helped me celebrate Marcus. As I got in the car with my mom it began to rain and I knew that was a sign that he had made it into Heaven. The rainbow I saw come while we were driving was the most beautiful one I had ever seen. Just when I formed a smile Marcus’s favorite song to sing to me came on, You by Tonex. I asked mom if I could turn it up and as I laid back in the seat I heard Marcus singing right in my ears and it was really then that I found peace and knew that he will always be with me and love me.
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