Train Ride Four Piece

Four of four

Grace Kelly batting eyes across the room calls me over
Says I've got to tell you something, killer
Quintessential
Vintage glamorama, gold, lace, and diamonds
Vaseline on the lens
Dreamy big boy, give it to me
Make it alright and nothing is wrong and I feel so good
My toes are numb
Count them
I love a strong man with a soft touch
Finess
Sing to me
Be breathy and long winded
Sing to me
Hard stop and destined to be my giant
You're the right one baby
We are the only ones
Died too young
We live forever
Horace
And I try not to smile
"I can see it in your eyes."

Reviews

[Trigorin]

Not bad. You have a very rough, hard-edged style, which works fairly well here. The imagery in this poem is very vivid and realistic, and you've managed to hold the reader's attention for the whole thing. Well done.

[CharlyeMonroe]

Thanks, I spelled fineness wrong though and I spelled celibate wrong in I thinks 2 or 3 of this piece.

[Trigorin]

Nothing wrong with that - just go and fix it. It's the message, not the spelling.