15

It was getting a little old you waking up strapped down to different surfaces besides your comfortable bed, granted this was the first time you had such hard wiring coming out of you. You were naked again, a hospital gown covering you, thin blankets; the sheets were like sandpaper on your a*s. You could barely move at first, atrophy, a translucent tube down your throat, the urge to panic came quick but you settled down just as fast. The memory of the a*s whipping at the hands of JK came back immediately. You didn’t think she had it in her. The pipes running from your arms coursing fluids in and out of your corpse. Catheter, check. She really did a number on you. You had to relax or the breathing tube would start to hurt. In this all white room, the light pouring in from floor to ceiling windows, curtains around your bed shading you some. If they had styled this as the afterlife you were very uncomfortable. The soft music coming through the speakers, were you in Orial? She wouldn’t have dared, Melody Ashby wasn’t stupid even if she was negligent on a good day. Did the paranoia finally fully come in? You’d get it if it had, but this was a bad look. Almost as bad as, the thought was an instant migraine, Jenny was trying to get in your head when she brought it up, there’s no way he would have slept with your sister too, he didn’t like blondes, minus Jane. Why would he, that was off limits. Mr. Lonely was close to Boo but you looked the other way, everyone was trying to get next to her. Jenny Kryss was venomous, you would kill him if he hadn’t already offed himself. It was burned into your brain. You had your own indiscretions at the beginning of your relationship; you weren’t serious if he was serious yet. You hadn’t met anyone like that, it was frightening and you needed someone to remind you what you didn’t want. There was a nice boy and only visiting one of his friends at OLU, you couldn’t even remember his name now, you made him cry then went back to spend the night with boyfriend, after that never again, you were tired of baby sitting boys and with him you always came first, and second, and third. You still remembered what it felt like, the little bits of pleasure you got watching him work over your toes when you said your feet hurt. He was on call when it really came down to it, he put your feet on the ground when you needed saving and hid the walks dog s**t and brought you ice cream and asked how your week was when it was all said and done. You could see what Jenny would see in him and the opposite. She was the affectionate side, the softer heart on her sleeve and he would do anything she would ask to make her happy if hell were on the horizon. It bothered you a little less; maybe you wouldn’t have killed him, just cried on his shoulder. You’d hardened under his hand. Now as you tired trying to purge thoughts, you kept his name under lock and key for fear of letting the demon out of the box and melting into a puddle. Your ward, his wish your command. You started to cry. You wanted your feet rubbed. Gold sealed the cracks on your heart, it was running in your veins, he was a part of you in every beat, privilege and salt. You closed your eyes. The wash mixed into your skin running down your cheek. Shadows moved across your lids, birds flocking over your skylight, you could see them through the frosted glass sheets. A mechanic click moved your eyes to the support system pumping life into your body. The drip eased you into another slumber.