29 or Mr. Ambassador

Number 29 from the Knockouts

John Woo told me to turn the gun sideways
Never knows best when it comes to
Things of this
Nature
Gun smoke is in my stride
And
Something runs through my veins
There are golden waves
In all directions
I could lose my soul right here
I would die for her
But
I’m running after time
And I miss the sunshine
They call me a
Space invader
Blacker than the soul on Darth Vader
If I were on the sea I would be Edward
I tend to
Drift
In and out of spaces
Consciousness
I think it is kind of dreamy
I’m not religious
I’m not political
I’m fairly superstitious and
Slightly paranoid
I’m from the low plains
I have trouble keeping up with myself
It is fun
A professional nomad
That is what she called me
Mr. Ambassador
I am a simple terrorist
I suppose I am running high on heroism at the moment
I was born in Dallas, Texas in the fall of 1986
Charleston Methodist
It was around prime time
The 8 o’clock entertainment block
I don’t remember any of it
My grandmother was pushing the doctor
Out of the way
To catch the action front row and center
As you would with the birth of your first grandchild
This is my grandmother on my mother’s side
My Gran
My father’s mother
Was in a much less than prime position
Rest in peace
My mother was pissed off
Their invasiveness and laughter
As she shoved me into the world
Men don’t come into the birthing room
Unless you are a doctor
Of course
I was brought into the world white as Casper
Equipped with blue eyes
Apparently all babies are born this way
With pointy heads
It makes us more aerodynamic through
The birthing canal
The best babies are torpedoes
I jest
And the blue eyes and pigment shift?
I’m guessing it was being
Underwater
For nine months give or take
I was likely conceived around the beginning of
February or late January
The Super Bowl happens around then
And in the following year my best friend would be born
I got pretty lucky
My mother told me that if it were viable she would have had
An abortion
She is pragmatic
My sister was born February 22, 1988
Years two through five exist in photograph
We lived in a large white house
I remember moving away from it
Antifreeze leaked out of the fridge as we moved it to
Our new home
I had a pet mouse
I caught him in Albertson’s
It was all white and lost half its tail
I had a pet Rottweiler
I had a pet Pitbull
I was never bitten
I had a pet turtle named Boxy
I remember Christmas and racing remote controlled cars
A toy Godzilla that walked
Breathed sparks and
Smoke
I know why they discontinued it
That was half the fun
Puzzles and coloring books
Kojak
My Rottweiler was gone
I don’t remember Alley Cat
My pitbull
She was killed in a robbery at my grandfather’s
Auto shop where she had another life
My mouse died
We let my turtle go under a bridge
Those things live forever
I lived in New York
Los Angeles
There are pictures of me in the arms of athletes
Looking cute and wearing funny hats
I did baby things
I ran a lot
Away presumably
I was as much cat as toddler
Sleeping most of the day and pawing
When I wanted attention
I was a nighthawk
I picked up around kindergarten
My parents divorced
I lived in Desoto with
My grandmother
Mother
And sister
I had my first girlfriend
We were caught diddling each other
In the closet of a room in her house
Big brother was always watching
My friends were troublemakers with nice toys
And though
They got caught
I never did
I was smart
I was a kleptomaniac
I liked expensive things
I don’t remember doodling yet
I remember colors and puzzles were a major
Pastime
I had a lot of concern about electricity
I liked blue sparks
Those are the kinds that start electrical fires
I could spell extremely well
I made up a lot of things
It is funny I don’t remember recess
I moved to a school in the neighborhood
I first remember
I lived in an apartment
I froze water balloons for fights
I had two pet kittens
Both abandoned
There was a rash of cat killings in the old
Neighborhood
The mutilating kind
I would be prepared
There were a lot of young
Wealthy kids
The young, white girls thought I was cute
I was an athlete and smart and I rarely got
Caught
I was a natural performer
A girl was kidnapped and killed
The details didn’t go public
The older kids thought I was cool
The older girls thought I was handsome
I found my first porno dumpster diving
On school grounds with my neighbor
I moved closer to school
A few blocks away from my old home
I was fascinated my bugs
I caught water bugs and froze them in film containers
I watched them thaw days later
I heard you could cut off their heads and they
Would eventually only die of starvation
My father was imprisoned
My stepfather was foreign
I caught bees
I was stung once
I wasn’t allergic
When my dad was released I stayed with him for a
Summer
I played football
Soccer
Basketball
And baseball
I could hit but my head was elsewhere
I started writing
I moved to Rowlett in forth grade
It was remote
I had a few cousins that lived in the area
Older and through marriage on my dad’s side
A girl died in a car accident
The details were sparse
I didn’t cry
I liked a Mexican girl
She was almost as fast as me
I dated my friend’s sister
Her friend’s liked me
They were older girls
I was still a performer
I shot guns in the fields surrounding my home
They built a new school closer to my home
I had a Mexican friend who’s father hit him
My cousin had a friend who’s father hit him
I loved movies
I got into a fight with my stepfather
We burned spiders alive
I rode my bike without handlebars through the
Neighborhood at night
I didn’t like the neighbors
I ran laps around the block for stamina
I was a liar
I didn’t do my homework
It stopped being interesting and
The tests weren’t a challenge
My father lived in a house half as big as mine with three
Times the people
I got into fights
The rumor was that I worshiped the devil
I had unrestricted media access
I made mix tapes for the skinny
Alternative
Girls
I wrote letters to famous people
I found their addresses on the Internet
I loved the radio
I loved the bass
I was a good listener
And I kept my promises
I had a dog named Kani and a pair of lizards
Before I could name one of them
The larger one killed his tank mate
I named him Little Foot
I caught grasshoppers in the tall grass and
Hunted rabbits
I kept two as pets
They were all white
Domesticated
Many summers I went to Vernon, Oklahoma
It’s a small town, maybe 32 residents
My family owned the only bar for the surrounding
Counties
I unloaded beer from Budweiser trucks
Hauled rocks
Built fences by hand and adventured
I started drinking
I liked my cousin’s friends
With benefits
I was shadow to my older cousin
The only boy of the family
I was the youngest of a generation
And the oldest of the next
The most responsible
I grew taller than him
They found a body in the woods with its dick cut off and
Stuffed in its mouth
I lived with my father and his new wife
It was half a year
I loved buildings
I had a mountain of Lego blocks
I was still an athlete
I was tackled by my first girl
I was in love
Someone was watching me
My friends were getting worse
A boy in my class beat up a teacher
I rushed things
For our final presentations I was Donald Trump
Middle school I moved back in with my mother
We painted clouds on the ceiling
I knew my class
We were the first to make it through
I played the drums
The older girls liked me
The older boys picked me first
I loved a girl
Call it puppy love
We broke up but were still friends
It was the new millennium
There was a heroin scare in the older generation
The old guard didn’t like the underclass mixing
I skipped lunches and ate in classrooms
With delinquents
I lost interest
I spoke French
I went to high school
It was the best of all possible worlds
I watched the sky fall down
I walked home
My mother was
Flying
I was writing
I played defense
The INS took my stepfather
I moved north
I took classes
I was an artist
I just went to school
I was in marketing club
I played football
I woke up early
I ran track
I got honors
My teammate was kicked out of his home
Another stray
He moved in with me
We drank before practice
We had group sex with girls from private schools
We stole equipment
We broke things
We fucked the system and set the records
He graduated and went to Arkansas on scholarship
I was bored
I fell in love with red hair and green eyes and accents
Skinny girls and f*****g
F*****g authority
My friends did cocaine and amphetamines
I ran
I was most likely to something
Not most athletic
I got a scholarship to Stanford University
I stopped running and gave blood
I had a pet cat
A calico
She fell asleep on my chest after school
I watched cartoons and crime dramas
The discovery channel
I designed billboards
I forged documents for classmates
I took tests for athletes in other districts
The weekends
I watched a lot of movies in theaters
I moved to California
My cousin took my cat
My mother remarried and moved to Atlanta
My first football camp I went to get pot with teammates
While the travel team was away
I fell for California
Girls
They gave the team etiquette classes
My roommate was a walk on from the area
School started
I blacked out
I liked tall girls
I had a thing for athletes
I slept with ball players
I had my team issues
I smoked a lot
I rode the train to the city on the weekends
I stole personal effects
I hated the organization
I was homeless
I had thanksgiving with a rich girls family
I felt her breasts
We never spoke again
My uncle died of lung cancer
My best friend visited
I wanted to be an architect
I took archeology classes
My professor
Smoked pot
I got the joke
I saw that girl for the first time
I went to Texas for Christmas
I saw her for the first time since middle school
I smoked at parties
I started fires
It was winter
It was raining
I got into the game
It was pointless
We lost almost every one
Springtime
Another summer
Another losing season
Regime change
Winter rains
I fell in love with a blonde girl
I took advantage of the way I treated her
When others wouldn’t
I got hurt
She visited me
I bought ounces
252 went up
In smoke
She liked me
I passed
My leftovers were gone
I liked a Caribbean girl
I made her cream
I was into politics
I was devil’s advocate
I liked a girl who was taken and younger than me
My shoulder healed
I traveled
I went to New York
The spring
I fell in love with the city
The streets were on
Fire
I partied with girls like Snow White
I was a team player but I had problems with the
Management
The rumor was I had a cocaine habit
I never had that kind of money
I left on the weekends
I flew for free
I didn’t hide
I wasn’t afraid
I made my times
My friends got cut
I quit
F**k his system
A player committed suicide at another school
Business as usual
I dropped acid
I drove to Texas with my best friend
I fell in love with the Milky Way
The desert took my eyes
We rode on legend
He saw me die
We drove back
Summertime
I was an artist in analogue
I went digital
I lost perspective
I was institutionalized
I was in asylum
I was in therapy
I was in Atlanta
I started writing
I hit the road
I went to the inauguration
I had never seen so many people so peaceful
I went to Paris
I lost my passport
Friday the 13th
I drank wine till my tongue was raw
I fucked till I was drenched
I walked the city
I stole
I got back to Texas
I went back to Stanford
I went to New York
I saw my best friend graduate
My class graduated
I went to the beach
I fell in love with a blonde girl and her friends
Summer came
I lost love
I found spite
I stayed with an
Older woman
I made her cum
I got a friend
I saw that girl again in the end
She was unnatural
It was the fall
She refused to sleep at home
I gave her my bed
She said I shouldn’t have to walk in the rain
I gave her my heart
I promised not to cheat on her
I told her to tell me when I wasn’t fun anymore
We were in love
I took it gladly
It didn’t last
I fell into my work
She broke my heart
I stole another girl’s heart
I lived alone
I lost my cat and my bike was stolen
I walked
I had two classes left
I went to Los Angeles
I hustled
I worked in a gallery
I ran from the police
I never got caught
I walked through gangland
I was invisible
I went back to Stanford
Housing moved me next to that
Girl
We were ghosts
She didn’t love me
I fucked loud
She said I belonged in a different time
I took a victory lap
I organized
I fell in love again
It was unfair
She was a beautiful fish
We watched our first Godard
We kissed
I took a vacation
It was worth coming back
She loved me
I made her dinner for the first time
We fucked that morning
Her parents were putting down her dog
All my clothes were stolen
Save a suit and winter jacket
I was ready to leave California
I went to Arizona
Things were tense
I needed to relax
I went to Texas
I saw the eclipse
I feigned a howl
I haven’t heard from her since then
I love artists
And tall girls
And skinny girls
And short girls
Girls with blonde hair
Girls with black hair
Models
Actresses
Dancers
Singers
Athletes
And mean girls
The spirited ones
I post propaganda
I smoke
I drink
My organization is a terrorist organization
We will kill you
100%
For sure
I like pretty girls and rough play
F**k with me