CREEP

My car was running on fumes, empty from a long drive.
I met him at the BP, where he was buying matches.
A fine mess of a man....cute and charming with a gentleman's voice.

What a distraction he was...little did I know,
there was a delusional creep lingering within
his handsome facade.
He offered me a stick of gum while we waited in line,
and I accepted it, ignoring the signs....

My gut was flipping inside-out, questioning the
matches in his hand...
He told me it was for his girl... she did him wrong.
"The b***h deserves it...no second chances."

I asked him what she did to deserve such harsh words.
He told me she couldn't be trusted...(that's what the voice
in his head told him.) Then he bent down to whisper in my ear,
"Would you like to meet her...she's in my trunk?"

Chills crept up my spine when he smiled at me...
and with his subtle gesture, I knew that I was next....

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A nice nice introduction. Could be a very good story. I like the conversation and the knowing of bad things to come. No weakness in the excellent story of mystery.
Coyote

[Quill~]

:) thanks Coyote!

[Keith LaFountaine]

An old mentor and teacher of mine once told me that you could either write a gory horror story or a scary one. Though I don't necessarily think it's true (just read Stephen King haha) I think this shows what he was trying to say. This is a truly frightening, creepy story that doesn't rely on limbs being torn off. Excellent atmosphere, and great final line. Excellent job Quill!

[Quill~]

:) thank you Keith! I still need to work on my story writing techniques. lol

[Dean Kuch®]

I asked him what she did to deserve such harsh words.
He told me she couldn't be trusted...(that's what the voice
in his head told him.) Then he bent down to whisper in my ear,
"Would you like to meet her...she's in my trunk?"

Chills crept up my spine when he smiled at me...
and with his subtle gesture, I knew that I was next....---------------------------->Classic horror here, Quill my friend! With horror stories, many times it's what you DON'T see that scares the hell outta you...much like this story of yours.

Nice!

[Quill~]

:) thank you Dean Kuch! I'm new to horror stories. lol

[Dean Kuch®]

keep it up. you've certainly got the knack for it. And, believe me when I tell you this, there ain't enough of us as it is. If you send me a horror story in my read requests? I promise you, I'll read it..ASAP!

Keep 'em comin', Quill...

[Quill~]

:) thanks for being so encouraging Dean...much appreciated!

[J_Star]

Wow this is cool! I love flash fiction, the way it captures and illustrates one sentiment the way poetry does. You've carried off the "handsome creeper" personality really well. Nice work!

[Quill~]

:) thank you J_Star! It was fun to write.

[Shane Mohamed]

Creative and vivid. Job well done.

[Quill~]

:) thank you for reading, Shane...and plugging your story.

[Shane Mohamed]

I apologize. I've had a difficult day. Big fan of Radiohead by the way.

[Quill~]

:) I understand, believe me....huge Radiohead fan too.

[ENJOY A CUP OF COFFEE]

That was amazing, it gave me chills just by reading it! I imagined the whole thing, it was very vivid, although it is not something I like to imagine everyday. haha great work!

[Quill~]

:) thank you for your kinds words!

[ENJOY A CUP OF COFFEE]

You are welcome!

[Quill~]

:)

[OBWhiteHawk]

WOW that was unexpected! But yes the tile definitely fits the content of this poem! Yikes.

[Quill~]

:) Thanks OBWhiteHawk!
I like that... "the tile" does seem to fit.

[Caradoc]

This was awesome.

I like how it started off with the guy seeming nice, but then you added the creep factor in layers. First the little things that seemed off and then the big reveal of just how crazy the guy is.

A nice little horror story.

But I have to wonder...she wrote this poem. Did she get away?

-Caradoc

[Quill~]

I'm not sure yet.. we'll see. lol
thanks Caradoc!

[Tim Piotrowicz]

as someone who has been called creepy literally thousands of times by thousands of people. I couldnt help but snicker at how this guy might have been joking and it would have been a joke I would have done too once upon a time xD but people take things so seriously. Anyway this short writing was good, although I dislike cussing, it has its places and was well used here. Keep up the good work Quill. You have inspired me to write my own bit about creeps ;)

[Quill~]

Cool! would love to see your version of creepy. :)
thank you for reading this Tim!

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

you are mystery thriller chiller writer prima donna madonna gonna rock and roll all in one

[Quill~]

:)) I'm all that? lol I don't think so...but thanks for your fun words!

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

and make prada proud of ya:)