He was born at sunrise
waiting for a soul connection
with flaming eyes wide open
lightning strikes a faceted prism...
earth trembling under his feet
a thunderstorm chasing her wings
his little bird took flight
spanning the horizon
he followed her off the cliff a newborn meeting the sky
a free bird...his life begins...
Nicely done. The first flight, the first foray of independence. I admit to at first being confused when the gender changed in the sixth line but you tied it together nicely.
Perhaps I am engaging in over analysis [like that ever happens] but to me "his" leap of faith into the unknown [following her off the cliff] is not merely the first stretching of wings in independence but also the interdependence of finding, or at least pursuing, the "soul connection".
I enjoyed this one very much.
But based upon the title I did want to hold my cigarette lighter over my head and bob bck and forth.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
ha ha! I know the title is cheesy...but free bird fits. (I think)...unless you have any suggestions... read moreha ha! I know the title is cheesy...but free bird fits. (I think)...unless you have any suggestions. :D
you are a master at interpretation! :)) love your thoughts...thank you muchly SteveB!
11 Years Ago
Not cheesy at all. Indeed for those of us of "a certain age", or at least some of us, "Freebird" is .. read moreNot cheesy at all. Indeed for those of us of "a certain age", or at least some of us, "Freebird" is an excellent reminder both of the first stretching of wings as well as the first time we jumped off cliffs in pursuit of a possible soul mate who merely turned out to be the first great heart break. Well done. And outside your normal genre and form. I can't wait to read more.
it means so much to have your feedback...you have become a great source of enlightenment, I am tryin.. read moreit means so much to have your feedback...you have become a great source of enlightenment, I am trying to break out of the usual mold. But I do love romance...
one step at a time...right? :)
11 Years Ago
If I am a source of enlightment then dear and gentle lady you are destined to stumnble in the dark.
11 Years Ago
you don't give yourself enough credit...
(where credit is due)...you're awesome. :)
what a great write "Quill", loved this one and you really showed me a full movie of a bird who born and how to learn flying over the sky...that's really a great write. I'd made some views of a bird how he flies across the sky and how he takes his first flight.
this poem's nicely penned no doubt, it's short, smooth, nice and much beautiful write.100./100
first flight is fight with yourself.... i think nature should not test you in that....it can smash you to pieces or you can take advantage of opposite winds and can fly high....:)
nice poem...
I'm a romantic at heart, here to express myself through my work...I write for me. I welcome others to read. I look forward to learning and sharing thoughts, through poetry and stories. :)
Quill~
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