A False Diagnosis

A man struggles with self identity and depression. He loses his lover to war and decides to take his own life in order to be with him.

I have to let him go, I have to let him be the man he was always meant to be. To let him go off to fight in the war will be heartbreaking and there is no doubt that i will fear he will never return. Men die in war all the time, husbands, boyfriends, sons and even women die in war. But tell me god, why did your soldiers of heaven choose him? He is not the chosen one, he is not! why do you work in such cruel ways, is it because he lies with another man is that why you want him to die, is it because he refuses to lie with lies themselves? tell me do you want him to die because he refuses to believe in angels? He doesn't believe in angels and i'm starting to not believe in them either. I mean they weren't there when my uncle died of Cancer, s**t; back in 1942, they thought my brother had a severe flu. When I say they weren't there, i mean they gave him a false diagnosis and left. My uncle could have been receiving treatment, we had the money and don't stupid, uneducated doctors want money? thats all they live for isn't it?

So i let him go....

He was fighting in WWII and I was in London, mostly i spent my time looking over the edge of the Malin Bridge. If he never came back from the war, the sight I saw over the bridge was to be my fate. I'd take my own life, if only to be with him. We were both sins to humanity and god himself. It all started when we met at a party and thats when I had gone out in public as a woman named Sarah. I had those dashing blue eyes and those red ruby lips, I could deceive any man into thinking that I was a real biological woman. But in my mind I knew I was deceiving myself, but god had deceived me! for 26 years of my life, I have felt nothing but sorrow. Just because you gave me a mans bottom doesn't make me one, I wanted to tell god that, I wanted to shout it. If only I could shout it in his ear. Several months later I got word that he had passed, he had been alive for some time but had succumbed to his wounds. This sorrow that I had felt for so long had become unbearable, I didn't want to go to parties or to restaurants let alone social gatherings.

I was going to let myself go now...I had no choice. I locked the doors to my apartment and flushed the keys down the latrine. I said farewell to my neighbors as they said "Beautiful day isn't it?" of course, it was always beautiful, i'll miss its beauty, but won't i find beauty on the other side? The sky will be so beautiful from the view under water. I walked several blocks to the Malin Bridge and when I came to the middle of it, I peered down below and I smiled....I was glad...

I climbed onto the edge and before I let myself fall I looked out into the horizon. "The war is over!" i heard someone shout. "My war has just begun," I whispered. I let myself lose balance and plummeted into a sea of nothingness.