Still

A crisis they called it but to me it was more than that, like my world being set on fire and the flames being smothered inside my swollen heart. I wanted to run, seeing Jett laying in that silent space of velvet and deep reds, his favorite color. He looked so stiff and fake. He would never wear a suit, I knew that much about him and the itchy way they pulled his hair up around his forehead like he was a 14 year old boy.

     Tears and sniffles echoed through the high risen ceiling and the sound of condolences. He would hate this, for everyone to be crying over his body and the tons of flowers wrapped around podiums and stiffed perfume. He was an Elvis kind of guy with dark Hershey hair and a soft but raspy voice, he never cried but his eyes were always watery and subtle, like a watercolor painting. I placed my hand over his heart, still as warm as the day we met, still beating, so perfect and silent. So pale.

    "Annora. I'm very sorry. I know how special he was to you." It was things like this that caught me all day. The "sorry's" and "If you need anything I'll be here". But the worst was when they act like they actually knew him, like they even cared which they didn't. The last time I saw him was like a shadow, a watery vision. I turned to the congregation of unfamiliar faces, trying to at least see one person that wasn't falsify their truth emotion to an apt. Sylvie silently walked through the row layered with a sleek black carpet and joined me beside him.

    "I can't believe- I-" She stumbled trying to find the correct words as to not make me feel even more irritated on this day. Sylvie was the one person that knew what it felt like, she was the one person that knew him more than I could ever dream. She ran her fingers through her deep auburn curls looking at me and then down at him, her tears resting on the edge of her eyes.

 She couldn't bring herself to say it, every word was a stab to the heart. Every second without him in this world was a day not living, I couldn't believe that he was gone. The crowd settled and finally the pastor stepped up and recited a few verses from Psalms and John and then asking if anyone had anything to say before I gave the eulogy. Five people rose from their seats none of them knew him and it bothered me that they happily waltzed up and reminisced.

      They all went a little something like this," I may have know Jett for a long time but the time we spent together was great. I remember..." and they would say some cliche memory that Jett probably didn't care about he just did to please that one person because that's the kind of guy he was. A savior, pacifist, and a man with words. They invited me up to end it with the eulogy. I stood, I observed, I listened. Everyone set their eyes on me. I didn't have paper that I memorized from only what we had been through. Sylvie sat in the front row nodding.

    "Jett Avery Vaughn. There's many things you could say about him. Many things that would be true. Many things you don't know. Many of you don't know him like I do, now you never will. He loved music and traveling and people. He tried to please people as much as he could everyday and if he couldn't then you must of asked him to be harsh to someone or something that no human could do. I won't stand here in front of all of you and try to make you see him more of how I did because to be honest I don't want you to. 

"He was my own little treasure and to give a piece of him to all of you in this room who act like you loved him or cared or had the memories you think you had with him and you didn't, that would be like giving a piece of me to you and I don't want that. There is a song that he would have me listen to every time we saw each other back then I didn't take what I should have a way from the song. It's called Smother by Daughter and the lyrics couldn't express us anymore."I stopped and looked down at Sylvie who pierced her lips together containing her tears. " It goes, 'I'm wasted, losing time I'm a foolish, fragile spine,I want all that is not mine, I want him but were not right." The crowd went silent as I stepped down and joined Sylvie in the front row. She squeezed my hand and sighed. "Thank-you."

Reviews

[Carrie Manor]

Wow! Very beautiful description. I could really feel the love Annora holds for him. :-)