Are we no more than Stranger?

An ambitious mother goes out to fill her thrill of desires leaving her daughter all alone

Age 6

                I heard yelling from my parents and it wasn’t a good one. I thought they are just going to sleep since they told me that they were going to right after they tuck me into bed. I didn’t know why they would still be up since Daddy told me that the monsters would eat people who didn’t go to bed at 9:30p.m. I went to sneak up on mommy and daddy but they didn’t see me even when I kicked over one of daddy’s shoes. The yelling just became louder and I could hear the whole conversation.

“You married me just because you wanted to have a taste of what a family could be.” My daddy said very angrily and that was the first time he had raised his voice.

“I had my fill of this family life and you know what I think it is tiring. It’s not as thrilling as I thought it would be.” My mommy had said to me.

“What about Katty, huh, isn’t she something you would cherish?” Mommy gave a laugh which I didn’t understand why she would do such a thing until she said that one thing.

“Having a kid was the last thing on my list of having. You wanted a child and I gave you one so don’t blame me if she isn’t suited to your best interests.”

“How can you say such a thing? She is your daughter as well.” When I heard this I ran up to my room and cried myself to sleep thinking why does my mommy hate me so much. It was just a little thing mommy doesn’t hate me. I told myself as I drifted off to sleep.

Age 7

Mommy and Daddy told me that they can’t live together anymore and my daddy can’t take care of me since he was going to a place that’s not for kids. My mommy looked at me and said we were going to have fun. I smiled at her knowing that it was going to be fine since Mommy told me once that people who smile at you with your eyes mean that they are good people. The following day mommy didn’t return home from work even though she told me that she would. She left me at home all alone and with just a cup of noodles to eat. When she came home she stunk of rotten fruit and her talking wasn’t right either. She was covered in sweat as well so I had thought she was running to get home to see me and I was very happy with that thought. I went to get a change of clothes because I remember the feeling of having sweat all over my clothes and I didn’t like it very much. When I finished changing her she woke up and I said hello to her she screamed out.

“Party Night was awesome! I should have done this instead of marrying off so quickly.” Her eyes were smiling and I knew she was happy that I did something nice for her or so I thought.

Every day was there was something new that I knew about Mommy. Sometimes when I come back with a good grade on a test she would say good job but sometimes when she is in a bad room she would run outside and not return for days. I was told by my teacher that my parents do extra work so they can put food on the table so I shouldn’t be picky on what I should get. One time before I was about to go to sleep mommy came home and I wanted to show her my star for good effort. The moment I ran down the stairs I saw another man and mommy was touching him all over. When she saw me he screamed at me to go back to bed. Her eyes were cold for the first time and I was scared. More scared than the time when mommy and daddy told me that there was a monster that would take me away if I don’t behave. From that moment on mommy hasn’t bee the same ever again.

Age 8

                I have stopped waiting for my mommy to praise me like she used to. My daddy calls me from time to time to see how I am doing and I tell him what mommy has been doing but he only lets out a breath. He told me that he was sorry he couldn’t be there for me and that he should have fought more for me. I had nothing else to say to him since I had no idea how to talk to him from that point on. All I could think of was when my mommy decided to say that we are going to live differently and we did. She made us pack and move to the countryside so she can live the life of a farmer I guess.

It only took 3 months until mommy started to get sick of it. She said to me the other night.

“Okay, so I’m bored now let’s go back to the city since I never really sold our house and well out here there is nothing to do. What do you say?” Even if I put my say in it, it’s not like she was going to listen to me so I just nodded my head and we started moving once again. We were back to the house and the first day back in my old school the teacher had asked the students to write letters to our parents saying what we are thankful for and what we want just a little something that might help parents feel our love and such. I write mine about how alone I have been and everything that was sad to me. I wrote this in hopes that my mommy can come back to me. When I returned later that day she was packing for herself as she told me she was traveling across the world to expand her views. I asked if I could come along and she just looked at me and said no. This was her time to be away from me and I could live at dads. I gave her my letter and told her to read it when she gets off the plane because it was something she really needed to see. She took the letter and placed it in the bag and gave me a kiss on the forehead. After a couple months, mommy came home and I asked her about the letter and her response was.

“I threw it out because it was dirty from all the rain and mud I have been walking through. I opened it and saw how dirty it was and well I didn’t want to read it after looking at that. It wasn’t important right?” My heart was crushed when she said that but she said it was dirty so it must mean that she couldn’t read it right?

Age 9

It was my birthday today and mother haven't come home to celebrate it with me even though I finally got her to pinky promise me. I whispered to myself that she has to stick a needle in her eye if she tells the lie. I walked off to the table and waited for her to come home and it seems like that day was the longest night of my life. Mother did come home very late that day and it was already 12:01 a.m. and somehow my chest felt empty. I went up to my mother and there was that same smell the smell of rotten fruits. My mother looked at me with her burning red face and said.

“You know today was the best time of my… barf… life. I had no worries and well I made a bet with myself… which I had won that I couldn’t make it home until the day after and guess what,” Mother had swung her arms and made 2 thumbs up. “I won!... Oh! Honey, do I smell alright?” She sounded so happy as if she never wanted to keep that promise with me.

It was Christmas and as every single of my friends told me about the things they were doing with their families I was excited to enjoy mine with mother. She told me that she was free that day and I had hoped that she would spend time with me. There was also the homework the teacher told us it was due after the winter break. It was what we did during the holidays and I knew I could finish it with this day I just knew she would come home and celebrate it with me. I waited and waited but she never came back from her wherever she was. I got a phone call from her and the music was so loud. I barely heard her saying that she couldn’t make it since she was meeting with a famous person and it was her dream to have a conversation with one of them. I hung up the phone and turned on the tv there I saw my mother having the time of her life. Why does it feel so cold when I know she told me she wasn’t coming home today as well?

Age 11

I had stopped calling my mother by that anymore. I also stopped expecting things from her as well. I do my homework, I do the chores, and I do everything a mom is supposed to do except for working. They won’t hire a child like me to work since I am too young to work. Somehow I feel like Lauren is drawing a line between me and herself.

Age 16

I came back with a gold medal since there was no one going to welcome me home and I have too much free time on my hands. So I started playing sports to pass the time and well I got some medals and I was ready to hang them up so I could tell myself that everything was going to be okay. That I was alive at this moment and maybe my slightest hope Lauren could acknowledge me in anything. I went out to go to my part-time job since I have to eat healthy. When I came back the medals were gone and Lauren was there with a stranger who looked like he was picked off from the streets.

“Lauren, what’s going on?” I looked at them and the man was chomping down on the ingredients I have bought for myself to make for dinner.

“Well, you see I had this desire to help the less fortunate and well he showed up so why not offer him a bed and some clothes. Maybe something to eat as well.” She said smiling as she never left the man’s side.

“We only have 2 beds which are mine and yours. So where is he going to sleep?”

“Your bed of course. You’ll be sleeping on the couch and well could you make him dinner since I am exhausted from running around looking for someone in need of help.” I only looked at the man who looked at me back with stuff dripping down his beard and I walked off. I didn’t want to help the man since I could barely take care of myself and I needed to talk to Lauren. I went to the bathroom Lauren was using and pounded on the door.

“What have you done with my medals that were on my desk.”

“I sold them so I could get some extra money to help the hungry.”

“I see and did you give the money to the charity.”

“No, I bought it for myself because I was hungry you know you should stock up the fridge since there is nothing in there.” I walked off to my room and punched the wall. From that moment on, I knew that I was some kind of extra person towards Lauren. There was no such thing called unconditional love there was just a woman who dreams big but gets bored really easily.

Age 18

I have already become independent without Lauren’s help anymore. She was never home and well I never see her around anymore since she is “on tour” with her band buddies and she was having a blast according to the letter she had sent me.

Lauren came home and she didn’t bring back her equipment for her band. I asked her about it and she said it just didn’t feel right so she called it quits. Now she is working as a person who reviews things. She also said that I have no money for my post-secondary tuition since she started investing it into stocks.

“Why would you do something so stupid as this?” I yelled at her finally.

“Because we are low on money and well your child support fees your father gives me every month isn’t enough for me.”

“It’s called child support for a reason. It’s not for you to use it’s to help me live you know food clothes or whatever, not your personal needs.” I haven’t felt so alive when I’m yelling at her. This way she can see me for well me. She notices me and actually knows that I am alive. Maybe she doesn’t hate me after all.

“My personal needs are your personal needs.” I finally snapped listening to this woman was going to drive me crazy. I need to get out and never have her in my life once again.

“I’m done… Lauren have you noticed anything different lately.” The thought about it and she got nothing.

“Not that I am aware of no.” I knew that this day was going to happen the time where all my hopes and dreams as a little girl were never going to come true.

“It’s been 5 years without me every calling you mom or mother. I have been calling you by your first name ever since you decided it was time to date a man in debt. You wanted the rush of running from loan sharks and I wanted to try out this little test of mine. So I said Lauren what do you want for dinner? You know what you replied with just give me a cup of noodles and I’ll be leaving. That was the day I no longer saw you as a mom or my guardian just a person who seems to provide me with a home. We are just strangers that happen to be related.” I walked off and she started screaming at me but I couldn’t care. I needed to leave the house once and for all. I was surprised that I had very little items in my room that it only fitted 2 bags. I just grabbed them and started going for the door and well, Lauren tried to stop me.

“Come on, we can work this out can’t we?” Her eyes were pleading but I felt nothing towards her not anymore. I walked out that door and I knew nothing could fix this relationship. I went to a friend’s house and asked her if I could stay there until I could get in touch with my dad or until the school year is over and I could go to live in the dorms. I never saw my mother again since I never told her where I was going for post-secondary and father had no desire in telling her where I am also. I feel like I should have done this a while ago since she was only one who was getting her happiness.

Author's Note

Hope you guys like it and please tell me if I did anything wrong? Just hope I got it right.