Seraph (Noctus Side)

“Welcome everyone to Mane city. Now as everyone knows there are new exchange citizens coming into this city and some of ours are going to theirs for the sake of our coexistence. Also because we have just signed the peace treaty thus ending the long isolation period we have put them through.”

Those words I kept hearing over and over for the past two weeks was like poison to my ears. I couldn’t do anything since I was on the bus going to the new city as I was one of the 100 selected to go to learn about their habits and other things. I stare out the window trying not to be amazed by how wealthy the building are instead of the streets I’m used to. The bus stopped in front of a large building and the tour guide said that we’ll all be staying here for the whole plan thing. It was almost 40 floors high and it was split into 2 sections. One for the Mane and the other for the Noctus. The other kids with in the city would be put into the building to see if the plan about moving most of the citizens to different places could work. When I was assigned to my room I opened the door and the next thing I see is the ceiling of the hallway and my room. I looked at the person who rammed into me and it was my best friend since childhood Reev. “Get off of me you little fiend.” I shoved him off of me and he stood up and just have out an innocent smile as if he never planned it out. I got up and pinched his nose so hard it became purple after word. Reev laughed and said.

                “You sure gave me the surprise. You should have told me that you were also selected into the coexistence program.” I shrugged it off and replied.

                “Well I wanted it to be a surprise is that so wrong.” He just smiled even more and grabbed my items and tossed them into the room. Once he finished that he grabbed my arm and decided that we needed to go exploring the whole building. Even if that means taking more than 30 flights of stairs. As we visited most of the rooms Reev decided that it wasn’t much of a tour if we didn’t go to other side of the building. I planted my heels into the ground and that made him fall face first to the ground. I looked away for some reason and walked up in front of him and waited for him to look up at me. When he did he asked. “What did you that for? Man I’m going to get a serious bruise on my nose now. Wait I can get extra points for the ladies now since I’ve been hurt.” I took my hand and flicked it across his forehead which made him yelp.

                “No we are not going to the other side. It’s pretty much the same thing as our side. Also you won’t be getting extra points with a big red spot that looks like a bug bite on your head. Maybe the girl’s would think its disgusting and not come near you.” I chuckled after that. Reev held both hands at the forehead injury and walked back with me to the infirmary to apply some ointment on the nose and bandage it up. “Man you had to flick me you know that your flicks are from the devil himself.” I pretended I didn’t hear that and added some rubbing alcohol to his hands since they got some friction burns on them and were already showing blood. I could already see the tears forming at the corner of his eyes. When I finished up with the medical attention on him, he clung onto me saying thanks over and over again though I was the one who gave him those injuries in the first place. As we were going to the cafeteria we ran into some people who didn’t seem from our city. They had all these clean clothing on them and some of them had different clothing from the other but somehow they were similar in a way. I apologized to them but they ran away and the last thing I heard from them was filthy. I brushed it off as a side comment but Reev just looked outraged at their comment. I patted him on the shoulder and motioned him the cafeteria. The place was huge and everyone was already sitting down eating and chatting away with some other people. Though I knew that most people are awkward since new people have come into town but I didn’t think it was this bad. Both parties of both cities have clearly divided the room in half. The right side of the room was for the Noctus people and the other side was for the Mane people. The Middle of the room was table for anyone who actually had the guts to start talking to the other side of the people which had no one in it and since no one was in it they people blocked it off using the tables that were in it. It seemed that none of us want to accept the others nor forget the feud that just recently ended. I looked around the cafeteria once again and some of the people kept eyeing the middle section every now and then. I walked over to the middle section and started putting the tables back to their places and once I finished I sat in one of them and waited. Reev was right beside me with our lunches which didn’t surprise me. He always looked out for me since I never cared about my wellbeing.

                “Here I got you some lunch. You must be pretty tired from moving all those tables while I stood in line for these dishes.”

                “Not really I felt like moving the tables it didn’t look right that’s all.”

                “You’re always the same even from home. Well instead of talking let’s dig in. Hold on I’m taking your pudding for compensation for me buying you lunch.”

                “I don’t care just take it. You don’t need to tell me what you are taking since no matter what I am going to say you are just going to do it anyways.” I sighed and went to eating. When I took a bite out of it I was taken aback from how different it tastes from back home. I looked over to Reev and saw him just drinking his food and went to get seconds. That’s when I got hit in the head I turned around to see who dared to hit me and it was Reev’s twin sister Shinoa.

                “Yo, you are in this too. Wait long time no see I think.” I got another punch from her and saw her holding her hand trembling. “Well, if it hurts that much why don’t you stop hitting me for once.” She shook her head and sat down in front of me.

                “You are an idiot a true idiot you know that.”

                “Whatever do you mean? Please tell me in details.”

                “You decided to sit in this space where both sides can converse like we are friends. You took all the hard work from our side in just a matter of minutes.”

                “And your point is….”

                “Don’t just sit here. Sit on our side anywhere but not here where those gold diggers could try and get whatever dirt on us.”

                “I thought here dirt is everywhere. If they want some dirt they could go outside. For crying out loud dirt is everywhere so what’s the point with our dirt is it so special they would try to get it.” I saw Shinoa place her hand on her head and waited a few seconds to take some breaths I believe she was trying to calm down since I seem to respond in a weird way to her. She took off her hand and glared at me and then Reev came in with a whole lot more food than his usual routine.

                “Hey guys, sorry I came so late I was held back from some friends. They kept telling me not to go back to the middle. Oh and try to get you out of there too. It’s not as dangerous as it seems. That’s right Shinoa you got to try this it’s nothing I have ever tasted in my life.”

                “Reev you’re making it worse.” After that I went back to my room with Reev and Shinoa but it seems that they live on the floor below me. I looked at the clock it read 1:25p.m. I entered my room and started unpacking though I only had like 6 boxes. So I was finished at around 4:23p.m so when I got everything settled in I looked around the room to see if I needed anything else. That’s when it hit me I needed to go get my school supplies and uniform. I got out of my room and started walking to the main entrance. On my way there I started to see that the people began to make changes to the building like making mailboxes and slides. The mailboxes was made up of tubes that have air in them. They could send them anywhere just have to log the person’s room and name and the item you sent would go to then very easily. The slides are for the easy travel going downstairs. They could get off anywhere just when they hit the floor they grab the pulley which brings them to the landing spot on the floor they chose to get off from. They took the stairs and made it into a rope and rock climbing system. The elevator well since no one likes using well to be more specific no one has seen one we just used it to send packages up to others. As I exited the main entrance I seemed a little disappointed when the divided the sides to the entrance as well. I started walking outside and I could already hear the whispers from the other people but I paid them no mind. When I went up to the gate some people stopped me and asked me where I was going. I answered them and they nodded. They guided me to a car and drove me to the nearest school station. I went inside and went to grab some of my stuff. For my uniform I had to get my measurements made for it. They said I could make some custom changes to the uniform since the school I’ll be attending isn't very strict with the dress code. Somehow I got chills when the tailor said that. I imagined most of the girls would make it so they could get the attention of the guys. Or the guys would be wearing less clothing than usual. Though it made it much more simpler for me since I hated wearing those frilly stuff that most girls wore.

                As I returned to the building which is now called Cross Dorms I wasn’t too surprised on how much progress they had made. There was a box where we could put our shoes inside and they just sent it to your shoe box. All the locks on the shoe boxes were taken out and replaced with a billboard announcing our news. As I walked by in the hallways, most of the people asked for my help, which I gladly accepted. I spent the rest of the day making a floor for a gym and a skills test room. In the night I went straight to bed and just thought about how tomorrow was going to go.

Reviews

[felioness]

Great beginning to an interesting story! There are some grammar issues and confusing sentences eg.

They said I could make some custom changes onto the uniform since they school I’ll be attending wouldn’t be too strict on the dress code.

edited

They said I could make some custom changes to the uniform since the school I’ll be attending isn't very strict with the dress code.

here is another example :


All the locks on the shoe boxes were taken out and replaced with a billboard announcing our news. As I walked by in the hallways most of the people asked for my help and who I gladly accepted. I spent the rest of the day making one whole floor for a gym.

edited:

All the locks on the shoe boxes were taken out and replaced with a billboard announcing our news. As I walked by in the hallways, most of the people asked for my help, which I gladly accepted. I spent the rest of the day making a floor for a gym.


This sentence totally confused me:

On my way there I started to see that the people began to make changed in the building like making mailboxes and slides.

I have no clue what you are trying to say. "... people began to make changed in the building" ???

Editing your work is the most important thing you can do. Read it out loud. If you stumble over your words when reading them out loud they need editing.

Keep writing, there is a lot of good material in your work!

[CrimsonShinigami]

Thanks ill do just that

[Richard Patrick]

It is good. Mind you. You should check your grammar, you have need
to install comma, after some of your words there. It needs a load
of work on the grammar. Your story is worth the time it takes to make
improvements,Great story though.

[CrimsonShinigami]

Ok ill improve on that

[Richard Patrick]

look up on the laptop or whatever you using How to use a comma. go to Grammarly free service or Hemmingway app

[CrimsonShinigami]

Hmm well ill check that up i have lots to learn

[Richard Patrick]

do not worry about that, we are here to help. I am in the same boat as you. Go to Hemmingway app/ Its a free program. It will help you correct the grammar.

[CrimsonShinigami]

ok i will thanks