Empty Inside

I poem I wrote at 3am when I was feeling sad and my internet was down.

Empty Inside

I’m confused.

I don’t know what I feel.

I don’t know why I feel it.

Am I sad?

If so why?

What am I missing?

I know I’m missing something.

There’s a hole inside of me, a piece of me missing, I am incomplete.

The hole threatens to swallow me up everyday,

Consuming me and my every thought with its despair.

To keep it at bay, I try to distract myself,

With work,

With video games,

With TV and my computer,

With friends.

I try not to think about that empty feeling,

That sits behind that crumbling wall in my mind, barely contained,

Because when I reach into its fathomless depths of nothingness,

I come back with one solid thought,

Truer than anything I have ever thought or said.

I hate myself.

I hate who I am.

I wish I could change.

I wish I could be someone that could take pride in themselves.

But I can’t,

Because I hate myself.

I hate me.

Author's Note

I like to write sad poems but there not all self loathing. I just get like that sometimes.

Reviews

[PANDORA]

"To keep it at bay, I try to distract myself,
With work,
With video games,
With TV and my computer,
With friends."

I can ABSOLUTELY relate to these lines. I am very good at burying my feelings so I don't have to deal with them. I can also relate to the depression. You wrote your feelings very well and I'm glad you use writing as an outlet to your feelings. It can be very cathartic. It's the reason I write.

I look forward to reading more of your writing.

[ChaosBeast]

Thank you very much I really appreciate it.

[David the writer]

I feel like this speaks to a lot of people, y'know?

[November_Rain]

You are like me hah...i love the poem though. New here but has a lot of potential, i hope you continue posting

[ChaosBeast]

Thank you, I'll try

[Relic]

~ I too have these same feelings once in a while. I think a lot of people who write do. Very good first poem that many will be able to relate too. ~

[Kaliope]

Good poem, not one line I can't relate to. In my case - and I guess for most people around here - writing helps, as a creative, almost cathartic form of escapism. Hope it will do the same for you!

[ChaosBeast]

Thank You,I do too

[Tai Chi Italy]

For a first post, its pretty good, ChaosBeast! You describe what we all feel about ourselves from time to time. We are always doubting ourselves and/or hating ourselves, or something about us we think we should change! Its natural, as is writing about it, if it comes freely. Keep writing and that confusion will dissipate as you release yourself of your 'tortured souls' ego.

[ChaosBeast]

Thank you, I'll try to keep writing.