Gone

I see your face so gently against the pale moonlight. The light shows the feelings: sadness, shame guilt. Why they are there I do not know. All I can do is try. I will never know. You said you have something to tell me, and I'm not going to like the news. I wonder and wonder what that will be and why? What could be so bad right now? Everything had finally stared to turn in our favor. Well or so I thought...

You leave in a short distance. The time I will see you again is unknown, so let's make most of the time while we still have it. We try to make the most of everyday or at least the days I get to see you... which is kind of rare. I noticed he was trying to decide something. No clue what that is now thought I know you. But I guess not. I thought that staying away from you would make things better and I could get over you easier. I found that out the hard way... It is not true.

I have no control in me. I scream inside, shouting so loud that I cannot hear you talk.

I start to cry. Crying so hard that I am fighting on the inside. I have no idea why this is happening. I have all these feelings for you. Not quite sure what they are. I just know they are for you. My instincts tell me. I try to look at you. My vision is blurry but you look sad. I notice you trying to comfort me. Why? Why did you have to do this today? I was having such a great day, especially after getting to see you. But why comfort me now> You'll never seem to be able to do it again.

I somehow get to see you again. Wondering how... I knew it was not possible. But how? Why? Why did everything have to end like this? Everything was great until summer came and went and nothing was left of me. Everyone noticed something was wrong, but I would tell them I was fine. But why did I fell like this? I feel dead... like my heart has been ripped out...

The atmosphere has turned gray. The day has turned sad, gloomy. The darkness surrounds me with a cloud that never fades. It hangs above with such a dread feeling that will never go away. I feel like I'm inside the bubble that will never pop with these emotions... feelings.. whatever you want to call them. It is all just a part of me. the darkness seem to take over my heart. Not sure of what I am supposed to do. It lingers within me, making me sad. Feelings are there, not just for you. Maybe they're not supposed to be there.

I find a blind spot in the road; it leads to no where. I have a confused feeling. Where am I supposed to go? That is unknown. There seems to be no guidance. No conscience telling me what to do. I wonder sometimes if I even have one.

I watch as the sun sets beyond the horizon. It slows down just as we did. Seems like time stops for a second... forever. I wonder what is going to happen. Nothing seems certain. Will something happen to us?

Why does it feel you are out of my heart? Are you forever?

Then I get to a phone call. It's your voice.I am surprised you actually called me. I hadn't expected you to. We talked for hours into the night. We talk about everything. Even some things I did not want to talk about. But after that phone call, there is nothing more.

When there is emptiness I cry myself to sleep. It just seems to relieve the emptiness that's inside. Where you left me I still have these wonderful things for you but I cannot do anything with them.I seem to have to tell you something. I just cannot pull myself to do it.

But you are gone and I have to keep reminding myself. And I'm sure things will never be the same. And then I'm sure that things won't be the same from when you first left. never to be the same. Never to change.

Everything has changed. My feelings for you unsure at this moment. There has been other guys like there has been other girls for you. why does this have to be so complicated? I don't understand. My life right now is a mess and nothing more will change for a very long time. I think I need a chance to clear my head. But then I keep talking to you...

Today I heard you were having a bad day. And today was supposed to be a very special day for you. I try to think of ways to cheer you up but nothing comes to mind.

I believe this is the end for us. You will be better as my best friend. Nothing more. I don't know when you will return. I seem to talk to you less and less. Our friendship growing miles apart. It will take years to mend this broken piece of my heart but will after awhile. Time heals everything in this world.