They say nothingness and being, know not why they are................
A look was cast, so you and I could drink existence
From an overflowing cup of starry nights
Faintly quickening the pulse of our essence
Telling new beginnings
To take flight
They say nothingness and being, know not why they are
Yet they share in existence just the same
Does this mean one is full of wisdom, taking him so far
When asked, he cannot
Recall his name
Entwined in our existence are strong yearnings just to be
Determining where our gaze strays within
Making it possible to be, more than we ourselves can see
If we drink from this cup
Once again
A look was cast, so you and I could find the heart of being
We held on to in nothingness the same
Will you drink from the overflowing cup I am seeing
Gaze within and still recall
My name
This is, as usual, wonderful! I especially like the third stanza and the wording. This leaves me with a sense of wonder and infinity.
I should really start writing these down because I like them so much so I can be inspired every day! The picture is a nice touch as well :)
I'd rather 'nothing and being' cause the ness is a touch messy
'strong yearings' if yearning isn't strong enough wouldn't a synonym be better
Also I'd lose all the 'just's for the sake of simplicity
Though I like the form and shape of the body it's substance, purely in terms of sound and speech, is too heavy for me; it might just be the difference in our accents (I'm a brit and maybe a touch too cumbersome) but there's no flow to the diction as there is with the ideas.
Cool, there's a yin/yang feel to the piece i like; if you've not read the i ching please do i think you'll love it.
Personally, though I have less time for poetry that's left the world behind and has dove into the ether, as this has, there's still plenty of conjouring being performed in certain images that is to the poems credit.
Hello, I am Neva, 4i, from Atlanta, Georgia.
My latest book and videos:
My latest book - Mailing Letters to the Moon
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