The Battle Within

I stayed awake yet still lying.
At my feet, I felt the cold water
    splashing against the shore I laid.
I could hear the sea calling me out there,
    the water gently trying to pull me.
Persistent of catching my attention,
    it strikes sudden splashes a little stronger,
    sprinkling drops on my countenance.
I blinked...and blinked again.
Slowly, I gained my full consciousness.
I moved my head, tilted it and looked afar.
Then I remembered,
    I promised yesterday to cross from here.
Just yesterday, I made that promise.
Just yesterday, I was so eager and full of motivation.
On the other side, it is where i want to be,
    the reason I'm on this shore.
I raised my back and sit, and looked beyond.
I know what is waiting for me out there.
Looking at the sea, I beheld it's dancing
    in excitement for the little triumph of waking me up.
Again, it's calling me to join in that self-fulfillment.
I checked every part of me mentally
    and felt not ready yet.
"Yes, later," I said.
As I moved, I become aware of the fine
    sand giving me cushion.
I grabbed a handful of them,
    smooth in their roughness.
They shook my hand, tinkling me. I laugh!
I played with them, contained myself
    with what I know a short-lived happiness,
    forgetting my promise.
Then, i stopped when I felt
    the gentle caress of the sea.
I was surprised it was colder,
    and I realized the sun was out.
I panicked. My promise!
Frustrated of my own negligence,
    I suddenly run in haste into the water
    but I can only see the vast darkness before me.
I am so full of vigor that I want to swim and cross the sea NOW.
Realizing it's impossibility,
    I inhaled and exhaled heavily.
"Tomorrow, I'll do it! I promise,"
    I said to myself again...just like yesterday.