ENTRY 1: THE FIRST JUMP

So, you would like to know my story? You want to understand me; well let me say this: I am sane. I was normal, I fit into the wall, being another brick, another piece of society. I fit into the mold that was given to me. The only issue was this, that mold was taken from me by one man. That man has all the power in the world, which is too much for a single man, yet he does contain it. He did this to me, he made me into the person I am today.

‘Then tell me who this man is? Or if this is going too quick, then we can slow down. In fact, I feel that would be refreshing. How about we start with the beginning. Where do you think this all started?’

Easy, it was the first jump into the virtual world. It almost feels like a lifetime since then, yet sure enough, it wasn’t all together long ago when I did the grand jump into that world.

Think about what we have recently gone through, the crime rates around the world having gone up, the public blaming video games for this. You know, teaching our kids the way to a violent life, encouraging them to kill to earn rewards, to move on with the death of a character within the game in order to progress into a happy ending. There is no choice, you just have to or you are stuck until you do so.

But they were simplistic, it just wasn’t fair. Then the 3D virtual reality games came into play. Remember that first game on those systems? It was another one of those Sim’s games, getting people to live an entire virtual life outside of their own regular life. People were sucked into it, almost addicted to this new idea, of an entire new world where you were the main character, where one felt like they actually mattered while in reality having to deal with a lot of issues and family problems. There, they made their own families, their neighbors, their ideal world.

And sure, the news would cover the death’s of those who gave up on living and lived in these virtual games only, to forget actually eating or really sleeping. They  were creating a new form of suicide, where you lost your real life and lived only a virtual one.

But these events didn’t stop video game producers from making more games, pushing these revolutionary machines. Many didn’t see the death’s as a concern, I even didn’t think about it too much, having only hearing about a handful of those cases.

‘So what made you jump, what made you want to go into that world?’

I hated my life. My parents weren’t caring, only looking at me as an investment that they needed to see the profit from in order to feel like they actually did something with their life. I also didn’t fit into school, being the outcast and all. Honestly, this role is so overdone that you probably have to deal with so many of us, those who were lost within the crowd in society, that was pushed around until they couldn’t take it any longer and wanted to end it all. I get them, I completely understand them. I myself found days were I would just be sitting in my room, wondering why do I live? Why do I exist? What is it all supposed to mean in the end?

But nobody has those answers. If they did, we would have all been informed of them a long time ago and that person would be the richest individual alive.

I digress however. So I disliked life, without anything to live for at all.

‘What about yourself?’

Well, that is a good question, but I didn’t think I was worth it. Think about this, what if everyday someone were to tell you to go jump off the bridge, or to throw yourself in front of the incoming train or school bus. The best ones were of those who claimed to carry a handgun within their schoolbag. The maggots wouldn’t understand how happy these things made me, or of how much I wish I could do any of the following. I don’t see self worth in myself, or in living in a world without any reason to do so.

So there I was, in high school, entering my third year of the hell hole. The gaming concoles were gaining more popular demand, people couldn’t get enough of them. I myself wished and longed for one in order to escape from reality and all that it meant to me when Christmas rolled around.

I f*****g hate this holiday, or just the beginning and the end to two years, it always is full of the general populace trying to gain hope for a better tomorrow after they just wasted the rest of that years paycheck and went on a spending splurge with the rest of their families in order to feel good about themselves while still feeding into their own greed and need of material objects.

Yet, I was forced to join in, in order to appease the constantly disappointed elders I called my folks and the rest of my elders. They only wish for me to succeed, so simple in thought patterns, so innocent to the very corruption that they have been grown in and do the same to me.

The snow fell along with the rest of humanity as I braced myself for the end of another year, the last one however. I didn’t know this, but it was something that I would in the future.

We always went to my mother’s parents home for these few days in order to celebrate the holiday’s, and this almost made things unbearable, for I couldn’t avoid as easily as I did at home, but there was grandpa.

“What about him?”

Well, for starters, he actually was in agreence with me. He understood me, where others could not. He was the only person I could actually open up to about most things. Yet, I could only see him once a year. So that made things difficult. I still made the most of it, afterall, what else could I do, just completely wollow away in sorrow and self worthlessness or what others called pity but I disagreed on.

So the yearly mixture of hate and happiness flowed into me, as he always loved to play games. He was one of the helpers in creating the virtual world, and helped create the gaming universe that we now live in today, so the man had connections with getting games and what not. I never asked or imposed on him to try and get into the circle because I didn’t want to ruin the magic of it, the one time in a year where I could escape into that world. And I was a fast learner. Grandpa would have so much fun just playing against me, as much fun as I did from the whole concept that I was in an entirely new world that had yet to be explored, for we were nothing more than pioneers, journiers into the farthest cosmos, reaching out to the stars with endless hopes and dreams.

So this year, as soon as my family entered the house, grandma grumbled ‘He is upstairs in the game room, awaiting all of you kids, so y’all better hurry, he is getting impatient!’

Towards the end she was yelling, as we all had rushed off to the game room, not waiting to be told twice, as I believe that is how they phrased it back then in simpler times.

We rushed into the room closest to the top of the stairs, where beyond the doorway laid a couple of beds with little helmets that seemed more fitting for a motorcyclist than anything else and an old man connected to one of these. There was about twelve to fifteen beds in grand total and the room wasn’t the largest bedroom, but more of a study than anything else. Each of my sisters and I grabbed a hold of one of the helmets and plunged into the vurtial world to explore the new game that grandpa was into.

When I slipped the helmet the loading screen popped up, but was gone as quickly as it came. Then there was loading up all of my preferences and player data, which didn’t take all that long. Then one game appeared on the menu. Clan Wars. I figured that was more than likely what my grandfather had wanted me to play, and so I chose to play that.

The opening screen and then the story line of the game began:

‘Welcome to Clan Wars! You are about to enter the world were war has taken a hold of the rich lands of the different factions that used to make up a kingdom. Each being of a different race, meaning that many don’t see eye to eye. Here, you can become the hero that can solve that conflict once and forall and bring everyone together. However, if your clan gains control of the entire world, you gain an in game bonus not offered ever again So enjoy, and fight hard!’

After that was a questionnaire that seemed to take forever, each question taking longer and longer to answer, as it was obvious that this would determine what your character would be like at the beginning, and hopefully you could change it throughout the game.

Finally I had finished that to find two options, what to use as primary and secondary color. I stuck with black and red, those being my classic colors, yet black wasn’t an option, so I chose orange instead. Another loading screen appeared and soon I was inside a capsole out of nowhere and hurdling to the new world below, beginning everything for me in this miserable world.