Reinsurence

I am an individual

I do not conform

I am alone

I am fine

I live a life

I don’t have friends

I am happy here

I am dead inside.

I am losing this battle

With myself

Over all of these points

I have to be content

In order to continue

On living the same old life

Doing the same things

Over and over again.

Yet I long for her

Whoever that will be

And some days I give up

On love

For love is cruel to me

As she taunts me

With her seductive ways

As moving all over this hall

Stored within the confines

Of my mind.

She walks on through

As if it were her runway

As if she owned the place

When in fact she runs

The show in my mind

She is the driving force

That allows me to get up

Each and every day

To greet the people

With false smiles and waves

In order to pass off

As someone who is happy.

So I lie

So I am dead inside

So I have no life

So I am not happy

So what?

I am trying to make the most

Of what I have

For I understand this much

I am like the rest

Of those who feel alone

In this world

Who can’t take it anymore

And just end their lives

When their will just be another

Who will take my place

And just endure the insanity

That I have gone through

And will continue to handle.

So death isn’t the answer

No matter how much

Nicer he is than the people here

He is the last resort

If all else fails

Besides,

There is much to life

That I haven’t seen yet

Even though I feel broken

And unable to carry on

Any longer on this thorny path

Down through life

As it continues to poke

And prod at me

Waiting for the reaction

To smile to itself

In self victory

Over what it might do

To me on my weakest days.

So I trudge on

Feeling the pain in my eyes

The years causing them

To sag from the weight

Of what they have seen

Of what I have endured

Of my mental strain

To carry on in life.