When I am Dead

So here I am,

Long since leaving home

Finally given up

On the idea of hope

Of living life

Of moving on from

The anguish that is stored inside

Of the past.

The pain that others inflicted

Asking for me to die

Begging me to become gay

Just so they can laugh

Laughing at me

As if I wasn’t even human

But a freak of nature

Something that was obsquer

And didn’t belong

In the bigger picture.

I was too different

I was something else

Since I look at the world

Through two eyes

That not another shall look

Through in their life time

But that is something

That we all share

Yet it is something that not

One is caught thinking about

Out in public

In that position of elbow on

Knee and fist on forehead,

In deep thought over something.

But for me, it is about life itself

It is about what is after death

And if I am truly happy.

Well now we will find out

Since this building is tall

The street buzzing with life

Far down below from

Where I stand now.

The breeze pushes into my back

Begging me to trust it

That everything will be ok

In the end of it all.

As I look down

I see a happy couple

Going about their lives

That reminds me of her

The one that I miss the most

The girl that I have always loved

But have never had the guts

To ask out

For fear of her accepting me

Since I have never had that

Only to live a life of rejection.

Oh Grace,

My saving Grace,

Take care of yourself;

Do just that for me,

Wake up every morning

To that sun radiating off of you

Let you walk to the mirror

And bask in your own glory

Admire yourself for me,

And never forget this:

You are beautiful

You are perfect

You are perfection itself,

And don’t let anyone else

Tell you otherwise

Because you are worth more

Then anything imaginable

On this world

Or any other.

Forget me

That is fine

But never forget this

For you are special

For you are Grace

For you are you.

And now I must take a step

And fall forward

Into life itself

In order to die

And greet death and his face

So I can sleep

With your happiness in mind

And nothing else.