Emptiness

I cannot feel it anymore

I used to

But it numbed as the 

Drugs consumed me

As I drank the venom

As I drowned in the sea

As I fucked up

As I lost my family

My friends

My girl

And myself to

My insanity.

I wish all of that was true

But when did I have a 

Family, or a friend

A single friend

And how can I say that

I had a girl

When I never have 

Loved before, my 

Heart turned to stone

As time seemed to pass

As nobody gave me a chance

As I never gave myself

A fighting chance.

But who would

When I am weak

When I am pathetic

When all I am good at

Is tearing myself apart

As a pestimistic maggot

Crawling on the ground

Begging for life

As I long for death

While I hate the world

But fall in love with her

The women in my dreams

The women haunting my mind

The women who is false

The women who never was

I feel not

For I lost my heart

The stone dropped

Out of my bloody chest

That I ripped

In pure agony

Of my own contradictions

Of my own wretchedness.

The blood won't stop

Gushing out

It turned black

From the darkness within me.

I just wanted someone

Anyone to love me

So I can love myself

But who would love me

If I didn't love myself?