Cliffside

The cliff edge is so near.

Enticing her with kind words.

Over the edge is the sea.

Begging her to come here.

This trance is unknown.

The dance is dangerous.

She doesn’t know what’s near.

So she stays on the edge listening.

Listening so close,

She finally realizes.

Its screaming to her to get away.

To live and breath.

Hands come to take her away.

Pull her from her friends,

Who only wanted to save her.

In the end her life was saved.

Cliffside and sea is her only friend.

Author's Note

I'm not really sure how this one came out >.> something about it just isn't right and I might go back later and redraw it but for now it's okay.

Reviews

[Njeri Brooks]

I felt like this was going to be about suicide just from reading the first stanza. By the end I was most definitely sure of the suicide factor.

Critics:

1. The very last line should be written as "Cliffside and sea are her only friends." (subject verb agreement and all that jazz)

2. "Its screaming to her to get away." This one should be "It's screaming at her to get away."

Overall, I thought it was very sad that Cliff-side and sea are her only friends because that means she will probably proceed with her fatalistic endeavors. Maybe she'll even succeed.

[Centipedle]

Thank you for the edits, and yes it does pretain a lot to suicide. For a lot of souls that are a bit too far gone, but who knows maybe the cliff and the sea will one day let her go because they have to.

[Coyote Poetry]

The song of the sea. Can be dangerous.
"The cliff edge is so near.
Enticing her with kind words.
Over the edge is the sea.
Begging her to come here."
The beginning lines. Tempting and perfect. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[T.S. Sky]

The call of the sea to us who are from water (astrology signs) is a powerful call.

[barleygirl]

I love the way you are conveying a subtle push and pull . . . to & from this thing called "the sea" . . . good analogy for something that lures us, which could be a good thing or a bad thing. I like the way it's not clear which way the narrator goes & whether it's a "save" or a "drown" . . . you do a great job representing the many things in life that have this simultaneous draw & repulsion . . . I don't think this is all about suicide at all. Very well written.

[Einstein Noodle]

tragic, tragic, tragic ...oh how terrible suicide is ..such talent gone in a senseless act of hopelessness ..most written will tell us that too the person..suicide is the only option ... the only coping technique left to take ..your cliff and sea metaphors raise instant scenes in my mind that actually involve the wind, the gulls and salt spray .. (i love the cliffs) but i am so saddened in your closing as it seems most assuredly this precious person has heard the sirens call and has leaped .. so sad ... too real :(
E.

[Valentine]

Did you mean 'breathe' in the last line of the 3rd grouping. It sounds like nature and the wind were talking to her. Valentine