Under the Bridge preview

We all know you're under there

Fear is a subject term. It could be an illusion, just as much as it can be a reality.

        The softness of the night filled the air. Nothing but a chill covering the land as a cloudless sky covered the space far in between. The bridge still stood tall over the hills however. A light blue tinge of light in the air illuminating the drab bricks that it was built with. The bridge’s purpose was to carry others safely over the trench that it held beneath. A road continuing on after the bridge - but the night didn’t hold too dear to this trench beneath.

    Surrounding the bridge and trench was grassy hills, going on for miles until it hit town. Among the children and adults there was an unseen warning sign on the trench. Do not enter, unless you never want to come out. The outside gutter ran in with water, brown and muddy with whatever contents it held. It went into the black hole and came out the other side. This hole just big enough for a full sized adult to crawl through on their hands and knee’s. The inside, was a complete mystery.

    This was where the young boy stood though, directly in front of the tunnel. His feet were soaked with the muddy water, freezing his entire being as his chest heaved with a breath he was too fearful to even take. Minimally dressed he looked no more than to be fourteen years of age. A sleeveless shirt on with tattered shorts torn with holes in them. His beady little green eyes staring absent mindedly into the deep completely black hole. It felt and looked void of life - as if he stared any further there was where his soul would be stolen.

    He didn’t know what compelled him to be here. He could see his breath leaving his body, hair standing on end from the cold that twisted through his bones and body. The rusty headed boy didn’t shiver, nor did he shake. Yet his chest felt like it was going to cave in on itself. His heart beating at such a fast rate he thought it was going to break. That was all he could hear was his blood pumping through his ears. As the feeling crept further and further onto his skin, he jumped suddenly.

    The sound of car wheels crawling under the hill. He recognized the distinct crunching of the wheels as his eyes strained against the beaming of the lights in the moonlight. The hum of the engine was still as he turned his body towards it. Someone stepping out of the driver's seat, as he just stood frozen with his hands on alert. The figure stood next to the car, but not far enough into the light for the boy to actually see him.

    “So what’s a young boy like you doing out here so late?”

Author's Note

Preview of my new horror story I'm attempting to write! Hope you guys like. I'm trying my best but there is no promises this is my genre that I suck at.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is a great beginning to a macabre story. In many cases, the setting is actually a character in such stories, becuz it adds a lot of scary elements, just as you've drawn this setting to be here. The setting looms over the story & the main character, like it might inflict something bad. You've also developed the start of some action which feels threatening . . . love the car approaching & the ominous last line of dialogue (as if coming from some invisible entity, since you didn't describe this new figure very much). All the right elements of uncertainty & spookiness.

There are some writing construction issues . . . here's one that really bugs me . . . 3rd paragraph:
"Minimally dressed he looked no more than to be fourteen years of age."
TRY THIS: "Minimally dressed, he looked to be no more than fourteen years of age."

Another -- the first italicized line . . . I think "subject" should be "subjective".

First paragraph: "The bridge’s purpose was to carry others safely over the trench that it held beneath." . . . A bridge cannot hold a trench. A bridge might cross over or span a trench.

[Centipedle]

Thank you for the review I'll keep these things in mind ^^ and I noticed that now I put subject instead of subjective xD. I look forward to your reviews on the actual story as a whole.

[barleygirl]

Feel free to read request me if you have more done . . .