All alone

“Get up, Shoe.” I woke up to Hak prodding at me with his foot. He was crouched down low, his weight on his weapon as he continued to push his large foot into my thigh. I swatted at it as I groaned, drool slightly on my lips as I rolled over and lifted myself up, glaring at him. He snickered as he stood,
“We leave in an hour so get your things together.” He spoke as he left, not turning to me at all, but I was fine with that. The fever still lingered and my body felt like it had been hit by a falling horse cart, but I wasn’t about let that stop me, no less let it show so that others could try and prevent me from going.
I rose, folding the futon and placing it semi-neatly in the closet and gathered the few belongings I had, Matthias clinging to his rightful place on my hip. I ran my hands quickly through my slightly knotted hair and found the drool still clinging to my cheeks from the strangely deep seep I had found myself in last night. As I left the room I didn’t speak to any of the dragons, though they looked at me as I passed them. Shin-Ah attempted to say good morning to me from his spot on the ground, sword in his lap, but I ignored him as I walked out of the house and into the open air. Yona shocked as I swept right past her without a word too, almost bumping into her. I felt kinda bad, I knew they meant well, but I still couldn’t face them after what happened on Tori’s last night with us. I still just needed my space and I felt Hak could see that as he put a hand on Yona’s shoulder, deterring her attempt of coming out to talk to me at that moment.

I could feel Hak’s words from a few nights ago tug at me, ‘Don’t you dare make her so worried about you again.’ I was still making her worry, but since I haven't stopped I think I'm in the clear cause it's technically not ‘again’. My mind snapped back once Yoon and the others noisily came out of the home, bags packed.

“It should take us about two days to get there so let's get moving.” Yoon spoke as he pointed and started to walk out, Hak and Yona taking up his flank, Jae-Ha and Kija in the middle, and Zeno and Shin-Ah at the rear. I, on the other hand, felt my feet waver for a moment before walking at the very back of the pack.

As we walked, the town flashing past us quite quickly, I couldn’t help but let my mind wander back to the fight with Tori. I had tried to not think of it this whole time, but at this moment I strangely felt overwhelmed by it. Maybe it was because I was leaving the town we had reconnected in and by this time she was already well on her way back to the kingdom. Forcing myself to the back also let me walk without any distractions to occupy my mind from going into the fight, though the dragons did look back momentarily every few feet. They were so kind and I know they're worried, but on the inside I knew I probably would have never told them I was a Queen if Tori hadn't. That was what made me the most upset and I gripped Matthias’ handle harshly just thinking of it.
She always took care of me, even speaking on my behalf sometimes when I couldn’t, even though I should have been able to. She knew me so well; my weaknesses, my insecurities, and my joys- which can be a good and very bad thing in a relationship. Sometimes it was just annoying, but I always felt grateful I had her at my side, but at this moment I was rattled with anxiety.
I didn’t know what Yona and the others thought of me now that they knew, and I’m too scared to find out. Would I be hated or would I be coddled? I didn’t want anything to change because I loved how they treated me up till now. Plus, I rarely stepped out of the castle, Tori being a different story, but it took all my strength to come here after the rumours. Why couldn’t things just go as I want them?
Before I even noticed it half the day had gone by and we were setting up camp in order to have some lunch. We entered a small patch of trees that hid us from the road and Yoon quickly started to make lunch, everyone gathered around in anticipation. I looked around and saw a thick tree that loomed over the camp with its large limbs. I bent my knees and sprung upwards, softly landing on a low barring branch with little effort. The view was decent, not much to comment about, but I admired it none the less.
I thought having time to myself and thinking would clear my mind, but it was still filled to the point it felt like I was swimming every time I closed my eyes. I held onto the trunk of the tree to steady myself, feeling the smooth bark under my palm as I slid into a sitting position atop the branch.

I watched my companions from my spot on the tree as a nasty thought came to me. My mind always seems to wander to the words of my father, the previous king of the Crystal Empire, when I'm at my lowest mental state,

“If you don't possess strength, then you deserve to die.” It was one of the harshest lessons he taught me since one could die from not being strong enough or making one mistake. And many things can distract you into making a mistake, like friends. Which I never had the opportunity to make till now since I never left the castle because it and the capital was “safe”, though the country itself at the time hadn’t been doing too well because of my tyrannical king of a father.

This made me think of Yona’s father as my eyes swept over the young girl’s face. How did she feel about her father? Was he ever kind to her, unlike mine, and what had happened to her mother? The red haired girl was, and is, so young to have both her parents taken from her. Well, I knew her father was dead but I'm simply under the assumption her mother is too. I wanted to know more about her.

My thoughts had gone from my problems and anxiety with Tori to Yona’s situation and it somehow sobered my thinking. I was still surprised, however, when Hak drove the butt of his weapon into the tree, making it tremble and bringing me fully to the present.

“Time for lunch.”, he spoke simply and walked back to the campfire where everyone had started dishing themselves their portion. He seemed upset and rightly-so.

I gave a deep sigh as I kicked myself off the branch and landed in a crouched position on the forest floor. I rose nonchalantly but I could feel my mind swim once more as I rose and it took everything I had not to stagger my way to the others.

We ate quickly, no chatting or at least none I took part in, but my throat felt dry like I spoke a thousand words without stopping. I coughed, trying to rid myself of the tight dryness residing in my mouth, but it did little to sooth it and just brought attention to me instead.

Yoon was packing the ingredients from lunch back into his pack when he paused mid-motion to stare at me. I could feel his penetrating gaze and tried to ignore it as I fiddled with my mostly un-touched herbal soup. My hands clamped harder on the bowl as I felt him rise and come towards me, yanking my sleeve as he dragged me away from the dying fire. The group had scattered after they had eaten, readying to move again, but now they just looked at Yoon and I as he spoke to me in a hush but stern manner.

“You lied.” I could feel my heart thumping in my ears. He's finally going to bring up the fact I lied to them all this time and how they can't see me the same way. My heart squeezed and I let the bowl in my grasp fall to the floor but neither of our eyes left the other's. My voice came out raspy as I spoke,

“I couldn't tell you who I was. I just couldn't!” He looked at me for a moment with his brows scrunched in a confused manner before waving my words away,

“We don't care about that,” he put the back of his hand onto the slightly damp, hot skin of my forehead,

“What I do care about is that you're still sick when you said you were fine.” Yoon looked back to the group, who averted their eyes and pretended they weren't watching the skeptical,

“Thunder Beast, get the tents ready. We're camping early tonight.” Hak nodded as he and Yona moved without a word to set the tent up  and Kija, Shin-Ah, and Zeno seemed flustered for a moment before going into the forest to most likely get more firewood for the still hot embers.Jae-Ha stayed near the fire to poke at it, pretending he wasn't still watching our exchange.

Author's Note

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Reviews

[AliciaB]

Yoon has always been, is, and will probably always be my favorite character. He doesn't care about who Shoe is - he cares about healing her. And Hak's attitude continues to amuse me.