Confident

How am I doing?

It's not an easy as a I'm good or no I'm not. It's more like I wish I had the skill sets to do a lot of things because I'd be better off that way. I wish I knew exactly how I was feeling because I know it's perfectly okay to be sad, upset, over certain things. There is a point though where I refuse to be crippled over a feeling of depression anymore.

I want a job.
I want my licence.

How I'll get them is another question entirely, I have to work my a*s off and the hardest part is knowing what if I fail even if I try my hardest and people don't seem to see it that way.

So... how am I doing. Great, but in a sense so horrible that I hope I have enough effort to support the people I love.

I want it to be okay, but wishing doesn't exactly help everything.

Curious as to what brought this up? Idk, maybe because life is starting to take it's tole on me. I'm nineteen, about to lose someone who is close to me to cancer. Already lost my soon to be mother in law and my little brother needs all the help he can get in life.

And I'll erupt out of the ashes stronger than ever because I have the confidence to say, this chapter in my life will pass. Everyone I meet, talk to and interact with I have an impact on them whether it's negative or it's positive. So I have to work hard. For that job, for my learners permit. I'll get to it, even if it takes a while it'll be there.

How's that for an confident speech thing.

Author's Note

I vented a little so decided to upload it here.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

how's that you ask ....well ...pretty real .. 19 yrs old seems so long ago to me ..it is a very young age to go through difficult losses and grief and worry ...funny in a way that those way younger than even you are immune to such things .. i have read that memories retrieval starts around 4 ... so thereafter one might deduce we are fair game ..it does not seem fair ...no doubt about that ... i think your speech is fine ..hitting on working hard ..acknowledging the risk of decisions .. and making that decision is a core of confidence if you aks me ... that difficulties can be worked through producing "character" ... things like patience ..faith (different than confidence) and requiring hope (even the thinnest thread of it) ... venting is something we all need to do .. Shrek is right in this regard when he says "Better out than in" :)))
E.
ps i would never have guessed your age by reading your "stuff" here at the cafe!! i had you pictured a little older .. in a good way ;)

[Centipedle]

I guess I should take that as a compliment lol thank you for the words.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes ..definitely meant as a compliment ... :)

[andrew mitchell]

i totally agree with einstein. i only wish i was 19 again lol. a lovely write.

[Coyote Poetry]

Life come to you fast.
"I want a job.
I want my licence."
Cars are expensive(Insurance) and you will work for 50 years. I told my daughter. Travel, test life and have fun. Be a kid as long as you can. Good thoughts left a lot for the reader to think about. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[AliciaB]

Venting is totally acceptable - sometimes we all need the chance to talk (or write) out our thoughts and emotions and have someone else hear/read them. You are definitely going through a rough chapter in your life. But I applaud you for recognizing that it will pass. With hard work, support for and from others, and sometimes, plain "hold on no matter how much it hurts" endurance, you will get through this. Still praying for you. You are strong.