The more I think about it.

I've felt this just like before.

The pit in my stomach is being scooped out.

Burning and tearing into my being.

As the clock ticks by, so do I.

It's different from before though.

Anticipating, not sure which is worse.

I have many words to say -

But they are caught in my throat.

I love you.

You were supposed to win.

But this is how life goes.

Send you off with silver letters.

Send you in to streets of gold.

Author's Note

We got the news this morning.... my aunt who was like a second mother to me isn't going to make it through her cancer. She decided to continue with chemo though so she has somewhere around year to live.

I want to seem calm, but it's weird. We talked about it in the group therapy, because I remember crying so much after my fiance's mother died. But now - I know it's coming. She knows she's going to die and I can't help but to want to ask "how does she feel?" I'm running around thinking about everyone else, other than myself.

She's a wicken though, I know she will be at peace when she goes. Where do I stand in all this, losing someone I'm so close to. And thinking selfishly - "you were supposed to win, you were supposed to beat it." but I guess it's true. It's always the good people who go first.

Life is tough.

Reviews

[Gee]

Had this feeling a few times. You've captured it very well with your words. Am sorry to read of your aunts illness

[zunie frost]

Wow you nice described the life as a very tough time
Great words

[AliciaB]

Life is indeed tough. Experiences such as this one are like a punch to the gut, and the language of your poem conveys this with painful accuracy. I don't want to say that it's "normal" to feel the way you do about this, because that sounds stupid to some people. I guess what I want to say that having such confused emotions about this kind of thing is part of being human. I don't know how much that is in terms of consolation, but... you're not completely alone in what you're feeling. I will be praying for peace for your aunt, for you, and for your family.