Insecurities

Yona's been kidnapped

Tears continued to fall from my cheeks until I kicked Hak clear into the stomach and sent him back, pulling out Matthias I turned towards the sounds of the men. There were three of them holding small daggers. They were turned towards some idle cows-their targets-until they heard the loud grunt Hak produced when he was sent flying into the air, no less the sound of him hitting the road so hard. Hak looked at the stars for a moment, dazed before he put a hand to his stomach and sat up, glaring at me from the dark,

“What the hell?” Hak said audaciously but I ignored him, my eyes sparked to their lavender color as I clenched my teeth - bloodlust peaking as I shot forward, suddenly nose to nose with one of the three men. He jerked back, his mouth agape, but any noise he was going to make was cut off as I suddenly disappeared from his sight, clenching Matthias as I hit him on the back of the neck with the hilt; knocking him out. Before the robust man fell to the floor I turned swiftly to the man next to him, lowered my stance to the ground as I shot the hilt of my sword into his lanky companion’s stomach.

The third man had little time to react, but he still managed to lunge in my direction, but that just made it easier for me to swirl my sword point to the ground, slide my foot into position and drive the hilt into his chin; making him fly right next to the cow in the rice field. The cow gave a guttural scream as it ran away from the the man’s unconscious body. I never stopped moving as I gave a leap back to where Hak was still semi-slouched on the ground, I pointed my sword at him, just barely grazing his cheek.

“Don’t do that ever again!” I hissed as my hands shivered. Hak seemed to be recovering from my kick as he looked at the men in almost what seemed to be wonder. Was it because I was a woman he automatically assumed I wouldn’t be able to use my sword properly? I clicked my tongue and placed Matthias back in its sheath with an audible click.

“Jeez, I get it.” He said as he scratched the back of his head with a surly expression, I glared at him furiously. It seemed he had gotten the idea, flinching a bit.

“I am not princess Yona - don’t go bothering to protect me.” I scented the air to make sure there wasn’t anymore bandits, three seemed to be like a short amount to be stealing this cattle. However, it was clear there had to be more, they had to have hounds with them too since some of the cattle were ripped apart. I kept my hand on my sword as I picked up a musty scent coming from the East. “Do you...” I trailed off as I clenched Matthias, but Hak already knew what I was getting at.

“Yeah.” Hak acknowledged he knew they were there. About thirty or more - with each having a hound in between them. Dogs were a vital weapon at times, it made me bare my fangs as Hak got his Hsu Quandao ready. They began to circle around us, water sloshing as some entered the rice. We faced each other’s back so that none snuck up on us as I drew matthias again. ‘Keep your temper under control.’ A voice in my head said. My knuckles were white as the hounds were released onto us, I kept my head clear as Hak and I lunged forward - ending up in a frenzy.

We ended up taking half and half on the troops, these people were complete pushovers. I didn’t even have to use my electricity. We both knew well enough not to kill them so I continued to use my hilt and sometimes my legs to kick off a snarling dog.  As it stood it seemed it was enough for Hak to see me as an equal since he never once looked onto my side to see if I need any assistance. If there was ever an important part in my life that was it. A well-built man with dark hair and a deep scowl rammed his shoulder into me from the side. I elbowed the bandit whom I was pushed into as he tried to attack, I turned back to the scowling man with a small smirk. Judging solely by the force of his tackle I’d say he’s the strongest man here, maybe even the leader by the fearful glances the other bandits are giving him.

I felt a rush of air on my back from the force of Hak’s swing, loud cries from his side to follow suit. I couldn’t let him beat everyone on his side first, so I have to keep up. I lowered my center of gravity and let out a shallow breath as I darted through the string of people, knocking them out as I go. It took only a few moments but the rest of the bandits on my side were slowly falling to the dirt, all but one. I left the leader for last, maybe he’ll give me more of a challenge. The large man looked around at his unconscious men and took a step back, bolting away suddenly. Shocked, since he didn’t look like the type to run, I was about to go after him when a scent touched my nostrils. It was distant and faint and the musty, sweaty smell of the bandits around me masked it well, but it was there. Something familiar that nagged at the back of my mind, I bit my lip as I thought when a hand touched my shoulder, bringing me out of my musings.

“Tired?” Hak teased as I elbowed him.

“Hardly.” I answered with a hiss against my tone, Hak couldn’t help but to laugh as he let his weapon rest against his shoulder. The bandits had been taken care of, all but one, but at the speed he was running I’m sure he won’t make trouble for a long while- and along with that I had practically gained the trust of one of the most important members of the group. It had gotten a lot darker but it was easy enough to tell by scents who he was - and the fact Yona was a bit oblivious to him made me feel bad for the guy. As we started back towards the camp, the dim moon light showing our way, it seemed like our companions were in a panic judging by how fast all of them ran to meet them. Yoon rushed up to Hak first.

“Thunder Beast, we have a problem! I don’t know where Yona went.” I could see Hak’s muscles jolt - a clear sign of his worry. As I looked at Yoon waiting for him to explain further. “She must have tried to follow the two of you. She said she would be right back but Shin-ah can’t even find her.” Shin-Ah nodded fervently at this and the crackling in Yoon’s voice was met by Hak squeezing his shoulder. I calmly stayed put, but my mind exploded in recollection. That scent I picked up on the battlefield was Yona’s. And that leader ran right towards her scent too. I kicked myself mentally for not realizing it right away, how could I not? Since she hasn’t come back something had to have happened to her. I bit my lip subconsciously.

“Where’s the last time you saw her?” I asked quickly, Hak looking towards me as if I was barging in on matters that didn’t concern me. Though, if she was using me as her dragon it made all the more sense to try and protect her, right? I ignored it as I walked forward.

“Zeno last saw her at the camp. The missus hasn’t come back so we thought she tried to follow you guys.” Kija stepped forward at that point, panic in his eyes as he spoke, 

“Her bow is also gone.” Jae-Ha clicked his tongue as he looked away, irritation and concern on his face. His legs were fidgeting as if he wanted to jump into the sky and find her right now, but with this darkness even he knew he wouldn’t have any luck up there.

I could see it though- she was no useless soul. Even if it took a bit to see it, the fire in her soul was something only a person could learn if they had everything taken away from them. As soon as Kija mentioned her bow, however, Hak was gone. Looking for her no doubt. Yoon watched as the man stormed off before looking at me, looking for some sort of direction. “Stay at the camp just in case she comes back, I might have an idea of what happened.” I noted as Yoon looked a little bit surprised. Before I left Jae-Ha grabbed my arm, “I’m not going to stay here and just wait. Who gave you the right to order us around anyways?” I glowered at his arm till he removed it from my person but his determined eyes did not waver.

I looked at the other dragons and I could see they all felt the same. “Well I don’t see anyone else taking charge. You can listen to me or not, but I have the princess’ safety in the front of my mind when I tell you this. You need to go find Hak and help him look for her. Shin-Ah, I could use your eyes so you come with me, please.” He nodded without hesitation, setting Ao into Yoon’s hands. Kija squirmed for a moment as he looked to Jae-Ha, “What about me? I’m coming too!” Jae-Ha strolled over to him and put a firm hand on his shoulder to stop his fidgeting.

“You and Zeno need to stay here and protect Yoon and the camp.” Jae-ha told Kija, he gave a side glance at me, almost as if he’s saying he’s taking charge now. “Yona might come back too, so you need to stay here.” Kija pouted for a bit, still looking as if he wanted to argue but he stilled his tongue. Zeno looked strangely solemn too, but he didn’t speak. I could feel an urgency in my chest, “Okay, let’s get going!” The green dragon clicked his tongue as he leaped into the air and in the direction Hak went. I looked up at him, I knew his power but it was still amazing to see it in person. I shook my head- no time to be admiring his strength, we need to find the princess.

I headed into the forest, my senses coming alive as I relaxed, pulling out my sword and trying to pinpoint the princess’ scent. Shin-Ah looking all around for the chance to spot anything suspicious or something that could lead us to Yona. As soon as I had managed to grab hold of the familiar scent I was looking for we carefully walked along the edge of a river that bordered the town. On the other side was a cave, it looked to have been used by wild bears at one point, but my heart started to beat when I felt at the ominous feeling the place gave off. The bandits had probably taken Yona while she was out - yes, she had tried to follow us. However, it seemed more or less like she had been interrupted.

I couldn’t see Hak anywhere, his scent coming from the complete opposite direction. We cautiously entered the cave and scaled the far end of the wall, the darkness becoming more than I could take. Shin-Ah suddenly grabbed my hand and started to lead me down the dark path inside the cave. My body jolted, rejecting the touch, but the warmth and tenderness from his palm calmed my nerves slightly- I still didn’t like the touch but I bared with it. 

There we saw a small flicker of light at the end of a large cave. Shin-Ah stopped, making me collide into him, but I stifled any surprised noise. “Yona..” The blue dragon whispered as he pointed. I pulled him off to the side as laughter floated from down further into the cave. Tightening my grip on the sword I could see a man with his foot on the princess’ head. It made my anger flare up. Her whimpering filled my ears and I tried to keep my breathing calm. Shin-Ah’s grip on my hand tightened at the scene and I knew he was just as angry as me at that moment.

Author's Note

Please enjoy the next chapter ^^ I'll upload two today.

Reviews

[TheRaven]

Also agree that there may need to be some clues on that tension of being touched. It could get confusing for the reader. Perhaps they shouldn't have been introduced within those moments, something like that would catch a reader's attention within an intimate moment if someone tried to lay a caressing hand on their face; something like that. We'd take pause and wonder. As it stands, I get the tension; where we're trying to go with it, but it's given these touch and go descriptions. Brushed away and not focused on too much.

Why does the man's hair matter? He's just a dark haired guy. Doesn't tell us much about him, or anything. A bit of a meaningless descriptor, a throwaway; if he's really important there's better ways to go about detailing it.

Felt Shoe's leadership role is cool, but also unearned. The immediate trust after distrust doesn't feel... real? But, with Yona gone perhaps there's the idea of there not being much of a choice.

This did feel like an improvement!

[S. von Glaubitz]

Exciting! You’re good at building the urgency, especially moving from one action-heavy scene to a new problem. The pacing is good with that.

Shoe is developing into an awesome character. I really like her.

I also really like the relationship that’s developing between Shoe and Hak: his misconception of her needing to be protected turning into a competition of who can defeat the bandits more quickly.

And ok, I think I get where her tension at the end of the previous chapter was coming from now, but some sort of clue was needed there. You can make me curious but I shouldn’t get too confused.

The action in the “What the hell” paragraph was a little confusing with the “he” pronouns. It was hard to tell when you were referring to Hak or the bandits.

Also, Hak lands on the road, they were in the rice fields—are the cows IN the rice fields? Some better spatial detail in this and at the end of the previous chapter would help understand the action a little better.

It’s hard to tell what’s going on here: It had gotten a lot darker but it was easy enough to tell by scents who he was - and the fact Yona was a bit oblivious to him made me feel bad for the guy. Since I’m already familiar with the characters, I think I know what you mean, but it might need to be spelled out a little better. But why does it matter that it’s dark? And the pronouns might be an issue again. I thought at first you meant the bandit, or even whoever that new smell belonged to.

And wow, Shoe is already taking on a leadership role with Yoon looking to her for direction? Is that too fast? It makes good tension with the dragons, though, and allows each of them a moment to shine.

Good stuff! I think it’s getting better with every chapter.

[JBoone]

Amazing as always, this is a great story. Your character's are rich and detailed. Your stories are fantastic.

[AliciaB]

Ahh!!! Save Yona! I am interested in finding out what exactly Hak is. The characters continue to be awesome, and the storyline is intriguing. My only tip would be to go back and check your verbs - you sometimes switch to present tense in an otherwise past-tense story. But other than that, very well-written!

[Centipedle]

Must be when my friend goes to edit our work xD I probably do it too though! And Hak iss.... idk he's supposed to be a human just everyone thinks he's not. He's basically just really strong. At one point in the manga they poke fun on how he should be a dragon xD

[AliciaB]

Haha cool. He's a fantastic character, and you have portrayed him very well!