Entitlement

Suspicion

“Shoe-sama are you sure we’re going the right way?” Kija said as I looked over to him. We were looking for a neutral village to get supplies from - it would have been bad of me not to do my research. Though more like my advisor had done it for me, she had told me everything there was to know about the Kouka empire that we could gather. I stopped with my hand on my sword as I looked at the path ahead. The scent was still good.

“Positive…. why?” I looked at him, if there was anything I could do to put their minds at ease I would do so. Though it was obvious my misinformation on who I was other than someone with dragon's blood was still raising alarms. Kija seemed to stop for a moment as I looked at the others behind us. That's right,  if this town wasn’t safe I certainly would be placing all of them in danger. “Don’t worry, this village doesn’t support anyone.” While we were in the fire tribe’s territory all would be well. I believed that truly.

Once we reached the edge of the town, it bustling with people and shops-perfect for our purpose, we decided who was going to stay behind and watch Hak’s weapon and some of their gear. Shin-Ah and Zeno were picked out of the group, much to their dislike shown by their frowns, but they didn’t saying anything against it. As the small group walked down the path, entering into the town, I walked to the left of Yona as Hak was to her right. Kija and Jae-Ha seemed to have gone off on their own once we came upon the many shops adorning the town. Yoon stuck close, he had notified me he was looking for shops that sold medicine, so he was keeping a sharp eye on all the booths. 

Finding one would be easy enough, this town had natural herbs all over the place, though the plants were owned by farmers. I stood outside a shop that caught Yona and Yoon’s eye, one with brilliant colors of silk adorning the edges and a mixture of herbs inside. Hak rooted himself next to me as they went inside.

“Do you think I’m going to hurt her?” I asked a little out of the blue. He seemed to ignore me as far as his gaze went. He didn’t have his weapon with him, but I still remained with my sword. It was kind of like my life-line. Hak’s steel-blue eyes shut and he leaned his head back, a sigh left his lips. I blinked at his reaction.

“I wouldn’t let you even if that was your intentions.” he replied coolly as I looked on ahead as well, a smirk on my lips as I nodded at his words. True, she had a large group protecting her; you had to be really skilled or a major idiot in order to try and assassinate someone in a group of dragons and whatever Hak was.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t share everything about myself, but I trust you if that says anything. It’s like the position you and Yona are in. There are things you couldn’t have possibly told the dragons yet; something you don’t want to tell no less can’t.” That seemed to spark something in him. I could see his muscles contracting by the way his shoulders moved, almost like a shrug, but spending the majority of my time around silent people in my country it was easy to tell someone’s emotions by the little movements they make. Hak was about to say something when Yoon bursts through the door.

“Shoe, you are really amazing! This shop had a lot of rare herbs in it and for cheap too!” I smiled as I turned towards him.

“My a- my friend does do a lot of healing. While I can’t do any of it well we get a lot of our herbs from this village.” My advisor was also my healer but I felt I couldn’t bring that up quite yet. The Lightning dragon’s blood was a dangerous power as much as it was a powerful one. With my lungs struggling, it also made my blood black in color. I could have compared it to the blue dragon, but my clan had better luck when it came to acceptance. It was more training how to control the power inside of you. A flash of green and silver graced my eyes as I spotted Jae-Ha and Kija bickering silently as they walked through the crowd, spotting us after a moment. 

Kija waved excitedly as he rushed to our group, Jae-Ha pouting slightly as he came too. Yoon was still gleaming at his bundle of herbs in his arms as Kija went to Yona to tell her of all the beautiful accessories they saw that would fit her perfectly, making her giggle at his excitement. It struck me a little - she was adorable. I couldn’t help but to smile, feeling Hak’s gaze on me before we started to walk further into the town to see if there was anything else that we needed.

“Something about this village seems a bit off.” Yona seemed to inquire as I stopped to see what she meant. We were walking near the farm lands, but it did seem a little too quiet. Especially compared to the inner town, but this was an eerie sort of silence. Normally workers were in the field all day, along with simply a cow or two there, but there was no one out nor any movement except for us, it made me frown slightly. As Yoon poked my side my frown disappeared and I looked to him. I waved my hand as a gesture that there was nothing to be said as we continued towards our next destination; the butcher shop. This time it was something I suggested - I wanted to cook something for them tonight. However, the clerk standing at the entrance of the shop didn’t look like he was all too happy.

“If you’re looking to buy something we can’t afford it right now, I’m just holding up the shop for those wanting to help the shop out.” he told me as I stood closer.

“Why is that, sir?” I asked as he blinked for a moment, eyes moving over Hak and Yona for a single moment.

“The cattle have been abducted lately, we don’t know if it’s a bunch of bandits or what. Sometimes we find them torn to pieces for fun near the mountains.” I hummed for a moment.

“Would you pay me if I got rid of them?” I asked for a moment as Jae-Ha let out an impressed whistle at my words. Yoon’s jaw dropped and he shoved me aside.

“Sorry, we can’t….. our friend here is just a bit of a bird brain.” I glared at him for a moment, placing my hands on my hips.

“I’ll do it myself then, at sundown. That way I don’t have to share the winnings.” I hissed as he glared at me.

“You want to get yourself killed.” Hak placed a hand between us.

“Okay children, a few bandits shouldn’t be any trouble but you kiddies should stay home.” Hak’s voice sounded very off putting. Sarcastic if I had to put a word to it. I rolled my eyes instinctively before catching myself. That was the first time I had let my guard down around them, making my body stir slightly. As Hak seemed to be taken note of that as he smirked, making me glare at him.

“Hak teases everyone like that.” Yona said as she seemed a bit flustered, as if a fight was about to break out. I leaned forward as I gave a confident, toothy smile in Hak’s direction with my arms folded across my chest.

“I probably am just as good at swordplay as you are with your Hsu Quandao… why don’t Hak and I take care of them ourselves then?” I sent a glance at Yoon who sighed in defeat. It was decided that Hak and I would be spending the night near the fields to see what this bandit problem was about. Which I had no problem with at all.

The night air here was bitter, as I leaned against my sword we walked near the rice fields. After the others had seen us off, we hadn’t even exchanged one word to each other. As much as I wanted to talk to him it always felt like words got caught in my throat. I didn’t want to lose my temper with him - I had seen he and Kija fight with each other before. However, I probably could knock Hak out if I tried. I wasn’t about to brag about my skills - as far as I knew he was a previous general. However, I was born and raised into a family of not only dragons but with swordplay as our main source of protection.

“Why do they call you the Thunder Beast?” I decided to ask as Hak leaned against his spear, making a small humm in the back of his throat. 

“Who knows, it’s just a nickname I picked up. What about you - dragon. What’s your color and power anyway?” I looked at him.

“Not a color but an element, in my country there’s three known dragons.” I shoved my hand over my mouth - I had just given away that I wasn’t from this country. Hak blink for a moment but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. He whistled, probably about to say something else, but then his face turned dark as he suddenly pushed me into the rice fields. I felt water soaking up my back and I clutched his shoulders, a deep hiss coming from my mouth. He suddenly covered my mouth with a hand. I felt panic setting in from the situation, my body shivered as my hands simply clutched his shoulders weakly before I tried to push him off.

“Hold still.” He whispered, I felt bitter tears forming up at the corners of my eyes. I could hear it though, there was a couple of men rustling out into the fields. I stopped moving and my breathing jagged as he removed his hand from my jaw. I stayed perfectly still aside from my shivering.

Author's Note

Learn a little bit more about Shoe and the others, at least Hak and Shoe seem to be getting along xD. Shoe is about 35 years old for a little tid bit on her age.

Reviews

[TheRaven]

About 35 years old? Choose an age, stick with it. 34, or 35. Not, "about 35" or "either 34 or 35". It's vague. How important it might be is another thing to consider to mention one's age. Simple descriptors could take care of what apparent age might be if you don't want to outright state it. Dialogue and action regarding maturity is enough as well.

I also thought the sudden panic was weird, but reading your explanation on the review below clears it up at least a little bit. Though, the part in this chapter is a bit jarring. Jarring is fine, but her reaction somewhat feels rushed in the written sense. I don't know how to put it, I feel my finger is on what I want to say but I can't grab it yet. Ah, the rushed feeling of it didn't allow me to really take in why she might have reacted as such. A reader may simply brush that off and not think of it again, but they shouldn't because it's specific to Shoe. The grins and smiles and glares, it doesn't work too much in prose. The audience doesn't see the nuance of it like they would on a film screen.

Always ask yourself what everyone wants in a particular scene, that may help dialogue run off smoother and cleaner. We'll see clashing personalities burst off the page more when character wants are kept at the forefront of their dialogue and actions.

[S. von Glaubitz]

The chapter as a whole moves really nicely and allows moments for some good character development.

Handling all the characters is still a tad messy, but it’s working better than the previous chapter. You’re able to concentrate on a single character at a time, like Hak or Yoon, but the others, including Yona, are getting a little buried.

Yoon seems protective of Shoe? Why? You emphasized they’re still skeptical of her. Or is he just concerned about her dragging the others into the scheme? Also, being familiar with the anime, I imagine it would be Yona pushing for them to help the butcher. Shoe can still suggest it first, since that’s character building, but maybe Yona can push for Hak to help her out.

Be careful in the dialogue that they don't communicate too much in grins and glares. I think this reads ok in anime and manga, but in the written word it’s a little more difficult for the reader to interpret what's being left unsaid. Or you just rely too heavily on it, like where you have Shoe glare at Yoon in one line and Yoon glare at Shoe in the next.

The ending is a little abupt. It's a cliffhanger, yes, but the actual sentence it ends on doesn't feel resolved. It's also a little confusing. Why is Shoe on the verge of tears? Why is she panicking? If she’s confident enough in her abilities to take on Hak, why would a few bandits scare her? Or is she crushing on Hak? That would make her quite the cougar at 35. Although I wouldn't blame her. You capture Hak's sexiness excellently.

Good job! Off to read chapter 3!

[Centipedle]

Shoe's panic is subtly explained later. At one point in her life her lover tried to sell her off as a slave, she's scared of touch from other men if they are too close.

[JBoone]

This great. Your stories are amazing. You have a gift.

[AliciaB]

Cool! Man, I want to know what comes next... this is getting really good! I like Hak's sassiness, and Yoon continues to be adorable. Shoe is still as awesome as ever. I really like this line: "you had to be really skilled or a major idiot in order to try and assassinate someone in a group of dragons and whatever Hak was." Made me laugh. Good story, though I would recommend going back through and editing it a bit - there are a few places where the wording is a bit funny, like using the wrong form of a verb. Stuff that often happens when your brains is going too fast for your fingers to keep up, but easily fixable. :) Keep up the great work!

[Crow Splat]

I was able to follow this one much more easily than the last one I read. Good job. I really want to find out what the deal is with Hak. He's not a dragon but he's not quite human either.

For some reason I get a really vivid mental picture of the characters and it's very easy for me to visualize the action. Even when I have minimal description, I guess my mind fills in the blanks with anime flavor.