Feeding Myself Lies

A Story by Celine

...

I become so lost in my own little whimsical world
A theoretical sphere that I live in
I cannot deal with what reality wants to face me with
So here I am lying to myself
Trying to make things more manageable so I don’t go back to the
“old me”
The thing is, I’m more caught up now than I ever have been
Lie, upon lie, upon lie, creating an amass on my shoulders
I thought that this would help me
But it didn’t
Whenever I try facing reality
I just end up going back to my old ways
I become more despondent, as if all life is bleeding out of my aching soul
You wonder why?
Why lie to yourself?
Well, why not?
That’s the question
Everyone is going to lie to you anyway
Everyone is going to hurt you, rip apart your heart and feed
it to the dogs
Laugh at you, judge you, leave you and ignore you
I’ve tried a million times to be happy without lying to
myself
And it just made me resort back to lying
Lying to myself just to keep me satisfied
But when the truth comes out
When I realise what I’ve actually done
I’ll be back in that black never ending abyss that I was in
But this time...

I won’t be able to get out