F.E.A.R.

A Poem by Celia

Just something I wrote one day. I honestly don’t even know what type nor genre it is.

They say FEAR can either be two things, F**k Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise.
But that’s not the case with depression. There isn’t a cure for it. It’s not a physical struggle you can face.
There are days you feel fine and then out of nowhere depression just shows up. Things that seem so minor can trigger depression. I’m told all the time that I’m such a happy person but what they don’t know is that it’s just a mask. The other day a coworker told me that another coworker, who doesn’t get along with a lot of people, really liked me and that I’m really popular and I responded, “It’s sad when you’re a well liked person with plenty friends and still feel so alone.”
It’s sad when you wish people didn’t like you, because maybe then, taking leave could be a vacation from being away from people who don’t like you but that’s not the case for me.
Everyone likes me. Depression just makes me feel alone. I can’t run from depression; not even if I take leave. There’s no taking leave from it. There’s no escaping it. And that’s why I think this illness is the worst. You can’t see it to cure it. It’s not some virus you can take medication to get rid of. Yes, there’s depression medication but it’s not a cure.
I FEAR waking up because then I go through this again, but even in my sleep depression shows up and gives me nightmares.
There’s no escape; therefore, I FEAR living.