essay for school

this is my drugg test essayfor school still working on it yuck

 

Sonja Stewart

Thesis Paragraph

October 8^th, 2008

Period 8^th

Ms Boggie

 

            In order to have safe and fair extra/ after school activities, drug tests should be administered to the participating students. Costs and the rights of people have been addressed as an issue towards drug testing, but the fact is if a student is under the influence of an illegal substance and is endangering the rights of others, they have lost there rights and is subject to the consequences. As for costs, government funding and the help of communities has helped substantially in covering all drug tests administered to the athletes. Through fundraising in the communities, parents and other member of school districts have become aware of this very serious problem. Parents and students alike have voiced there opinions on the matter of drug testing, they’re ready to face the issues of drug abuse and try and put a stop to it, by administering drug tests to all athletes.

            When an Athlete walks onto a field what should they expect to happen? The game to begin, they play there hardest, and strive to win. Should an Athlete have to fear that a fellow opponent has been under the influence of a drug and may endanger them, during an event that makes them happy? Many schools think not. Safety and well being is a schools number one priority besides giving kids the best education they can provide. That is why schools like Dunbar High of Lexington, Kentucky has made it a requirement of its athletes to take a drug test if they wish to compete (Walsh and Portner par.13). The drug tests are made to make the students feel safe and possibly take the pressure off of following the crowd and doing drugs. In a 2003 Columbia University did a study and it showed that roughly half of teenagers in grades 9^th-12^th said they attended high schools where drugs were used, kept, or sold (Bowman par. 7).

 

Reviews

[lilliam]

"they have lost there rights and is subject to the consequences." >> their, not there.

"Through fundraising in the communities, parents and other member of school districts have become aware of this very serious problem." This doesn't make any sense. Read it out loud and think about it. You're saying that through fundraising they've discovered that drug injestion by athletes is a serious problem? I don't think that's what you're trying to say, but I may be wrong? The "this" in this statement refers to what? Don't be afraid to restate what it is you're talking about in order to clarify.

use "extra curricular, or after school," avoid the slash in this part.

"costs and the rights of people" the rights of what people? The athletes/participators or other people involved.

"They have lost THEIR rights and ARE subject." Look up "their/there/they're" b/c you miss this a lot.

You don't need "as for the costs" b/c you're explaining government funding and its purpose in the sentence. This is just making it wordy.

I use "such as" instead of "like" just because it sounds somewhat more mature.

You're capitalizing Athletes in some places and not in other. Why capitalize at all? Think about it.