December 29, 2013

Someone once told me that it takes 21 days to build a habit. 21 days that means in 21 days I can be the best person I always wanted to be. If I want it to be so, then it will be so.

So, as the story goes on, it is now day two of my time on this earth and I come to the conclusion that life is going to be a very hard road to cross, but it is not out of my reach. I can get to life If I shall want it to be so, but only if I want it to be so, not my mother, my sister, my brother, my cousin, Me, the person that's sitting here and the person that can barely understand why she was angry in the first place. But I, am my mother's child and I heard her cries, so I came to her, I told her that she was doing a good job. And that she didn't need to worry about the mess that was behind her anymore. But she didn't trust me, so she went down a different path then she was supposed to go on, and she will have to face many hardships in her life, but all in all she will be the person that she was always meant to be. She once told me before she died, and I probably shouldn't say died because she's not necessarily dead, she just walking around the world and going through the motions of being dead, that she thought that everything happens for a reason, and if you just look hard enough, you'll realize that everything you said you wanted was right there in front of you. And the reason that you were not happy with this outcome is because you did not decide which path you wanted to take. So, life chose It for you, because life knows who you are. Inside and out, and life says that you should not be afraid of the truth, because yeah It hurts, and yeah It's kind of like a personal hell of hers. But if she, wants to live in that why should I live in their with her ? Because she is my sister ? Yes, it is, this true that she is my sister, but she is also the one women in the world I did the most wrong to. She is also the one woman in the world who knows how good I Can be, she is also the one person, in the world that despite her angry thoughts, and spells of not talking to me, and even just plain oblivion. She is my heart she knows this, and I can only show her by my actions that It will be happy about this but, It will just have to get over the facts. Which are, that yes she almost went down that same road you did, and yes she almost sold herself to the devil, she always had an angel with in her and she listened to him every step of the way, and she found her way back home to me but she is in a different part of her life now that was supposed to keep moving. And it looks as though she will live in her personal hell for as long as she wants to, once she decides that yes, she messed up in the past, this new baby that looked so much like me, will be the one I have sent to look over them all. And once all the evil she has rid, only then shall she return on to me, as I have turned to her and ask of forgiveness, that was already given to her a long time ago. Yesterday, she told me that she has a new idea of letting me decide where I want to go, based off of what I see and interpret the life to like, and how long I will take to get there. Once, I get where she says I may go, I may need to sit down, in a quite room of people I hold close to me and pretend to be listening to anything that anyone is saying. While all in all, she still listening to me and what I want to do. So, I decided one day I wanted to take this beautiful creature that was beside me all this time, which before I opened my eyes to the world which was only a couple days ago. The Devil kept telling me that she knew what I didn't know, and because I wasn't paying attention to her she stopped listening to me, and went right back to the ways that she used to resort to. Boy this child is stubborn, but I hope one day that she knows how proud she made both her mother and her father because although she did not know show them the same kind of compassion. She showed them some real things that were happening around her that were not right, that was not supposed to be there to show us a different way of life. See, There are ways of getting through life, and there are ways of getting over the hurt and pain she felt, there were always a shinier route, but that one is not the one that would have done Him any justice at all. Because He would not have listened to you if you would have tried to tell Him, but like the friends have told before her before she will now remember the pain she felt from you, and her mother and decide that she will pick neither side of this war. She will stay a mutual decision life, meaning that yes she will still carry on the memories, but no, she will no longer carry your bourdons that should not have been placed of her anyway. She is remembering a lie I once told her now about a black boyfriend of mine beating up on me, & she also remembering that she once loved that black man, like he was the black brother, Which, he was, but he has decided that he has caused other people enough pain in this world, and he has shut him self off to my calls. Which, Is exactly where I need him to be so that I can tell him what I always wanted to say to Him before it was to late, and too late is was, He had already decided that He did not want to see what I have to offer. So, He will go back years into His past, years of His past that were pushed away for years, because He cannot shake this devil that is on His shoulder, But is She a devil, or She just simply, something in the world worth living for. One Day she will see me for who I really am, and she will see that she wants to be neither angry nor confused, so if she has to follow a few nut balls in the ways that their inner mind works then so be, but She of all people knows when It is time to come home He, tells Her when to go home, He tells Her when to eat breathe, s**t, excuse this language kids because cursing is a Sin, no matter what and it should not be done if you do not want it so. 

Author's Note

Read at your own risk.

Reviews

[F.Gentil]

It takes a strong mind, to understand and define, this life is a test of faith, courage, and strength. It takes a strong soul to hold on, remain control, stay strong even though its like hell to press on. It takes God in your heart to smite the devil who's trying to destroy your mental, make you another victim, to his power of conviction to evilness in every dimension, girl just be a witness, and let the present create itself because soon it'll be the past in another second and you'll be forgetting the pain that you feeling, when you shine like the star that God saw in you from the beginning of your beginning.

[Janaeee]

Thanks, I think God knows by now how I feel, which is why he would not look at me when I first willed him to do so, so that I can tell him the same thing that he already knew.

[F.Gentil]

Ah, well it just seemed you are personifying God negatively, and appearing to be a victim. Those in the lord are victorious without having to be the victim just analyzing what you read its as if you want a pity party. All i was saying was you seem like a strong woman, you are to post what you did. SO now turn that anger into something powerful that is a staple of what God has blessed you with inside, opposed to something that makes you appear weak.