Alleged.

A Story by Cupcake.

Originally written 3.26.2013. Writings from my universe. Alleged lovechild.

He noticed familiar, large brown eyes studying his facial features with extreme determination a few tables away. Cocky, he loudly questioned "What are you looking at?", much to the shock of the café-goers and especially those seated with him at the table.

Now deemed his opponent by onlookers, the owner of the brown eyes slid out of his seat and sashayed across the floor until he was awkwardly close. He took an exaggerated deep breath and said with a smirk "You look like the adult version of Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber's alleged lovechild. I was staring while contemplating whether or not I should take a picture of you and sell it to TMZ."

Always on his toes, both literally and metaphorically, the alleged-lovechild-look-alike replied with a dramatic "Now, Alan, you promised me you wouldn't do hallucinogenic drugs anymore. I'm not and will never be the offspring of those two people. If you could see what was really going on instead of a warped version, you'd be able to accept that. I say this out loud and in front of everyone solely to make an example of you." Alan had opened his mouth to attempt an equally snarky reply but was interrupted with "Oh, and you look like one of the hobos I payed in chicken wings to attend my college classes so I could get credit for being there when I was feeling, well, adventurous."

"Sorry," Alan apologized with no emotion, "I am just so used to you posting suggestive pictures of yourself on the internet that I just assumed- ah, how many do you have floating around now?"

When Alan received a loud slurp of latté instead of an answer, he began to ask again but was once again interrupted, but this time by a terse "I'm counting!"

A girl in the back corner of the small café began laughing so hard she choked on her own spit.