Monsters in My Head

This poem is an exaggerated story for entertainment purposes. It's the first proper poem I've ever written and I'm only sixteen so I'm just experimenting with poetry as I have difficulty writing.

Huddled alone in the living room,

Going over it all in my head.

Trying to figure out the cause of this gloom

And predicting when it might end.

Or worrying, now, more,

What if it never goes?

Am I destined to be a bore?

Will I ever escape these lows?

Putting all questions aside,

I think a change of scenery is in need.

Upstairs, I open the windows, wide.

On the cool calming air, I feed.

Leaning my head out, I feast

At the city beneath my nose.

And imagine it is the beast,

The cause of all my woes.

I would love to point the finger

At family, at friends,

At lovers who did not care to linger.

So easily, the truth bends.

But me, myself and I know well

That it is easy to place blame

On someone else for this hell

When it is I who feels shame.

I sit, half in, half out

So uncertain of my next move.

My own self, I begin to doubt

Wondering what I have left to prove.

The clouds cover the night sky

so that there are no stars to see.

Now the tears, silently I cry

as the darkness consumes me.

I grab the blade from the polished shelf,

Feeling the familiar sharp pain.

My monster is myself

And in a way, that's pretty sane.

Author's Note

Please comment your thoughts and ideas, how I could improve would be great!

Reviews

[Edward Lancheister]

Huddled alone in the living room,
Going over it all in your head.
Trying to figure out the cause of this gloom
And predicting when it might end.

my suggestion,
struggle alone in my room
delusion and confusion battle with my mind
so how could i presume
waiting for the time to leave it behind

[priya]

The poem has such a shocking end..so similar to Slyvia Plath's style...amazing cassie...
congrats for winning.. :))
keep writing..

[Cassie Black]

Thank you so much, I am a huge fan of her!

[Hugh Oliver]

a very powerful poem, the imagery of the window ledge and city is something I think everyone can relate too. Poetic magic

[Cassie Black]

Thank you so much! That means a lot!

[VALENTINE]

Splendid. it's resolutely splendid.

[Cassie Black]

That's so great to hear, thank you!

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

I really liked this poetry.
I voted for you in the contest.

[Cassie Black]

Thank you so much, means a lot, it's very personal

[Fenrir]

In general I would say that the poem flows very well, and the context is clear. The only room for steady improvement is a stronger use of words. Not too flowery, as that is a tad over board, but instead of...

I sit, half in, half out...

Maybe substitute words that flow as well, but have a more interesting tone so that you sound "smarter." Example:

In limbo, half in, half out.

As well, most of the poem seems to be speaking from the personal POV, as in, yourself. "My nose, my monster, etc..." But in the beginning, you have this line:

Huddled alone in the living room,
Going over it all in your head.

Instead of that being YOUR head, would it not be MY head? Thats just a continuity thing, and it may not reflect what you intend in the poem. However if it is intended to be in one tense, one POV (i.e your own) then attempt to keep it there as best as you can.

[Cassie Black]

This is very helpful advise, thank you! I only noticed the your part now, oops