Cockadoodledoo

A Chapter by CathyTheSheep

Here we go....

I am a farmer and thank god, a woman. In 2005, in dire financial straits, I spent a year as the worlds most disastrously qualified escort, in order to buy a new Hereford bull and reduce the enormous overdraft, which my sheep were in the main, responsible for. It was a terrifying decision for a country girl whose closest encounter with the sex industry was giving the local farmer’s son, a hand job in his milking parlour at 5am.

For one year, I was juggling two professions, it was hard, horrible and bloody stressful trying to prevent the two from overlapping; performing shockingly unenthusiastic blow jobs with the stubborn afterbirth of numerous ewes still up my forearms. And on one occasion, the local farm vet turning up, having seen my luscious curves advertised online.
I stood in the farmyard, numbed at the awfulness of the situation. Do I glean all the free information I could on liver fluke and pregnancy toxaemia in shearling ewes? or whip out his willy and earn my £30, ‘Jesus, what am I doing?!’

I'm sure there are women out there who bounce out of bed of a morning, happy as an Andrex puppy, overjoyed at the prospect of a day of paid sex with strangers ahead of them. I can safely say I was not an Andrex puppy. Performing lewd acts stark bollock naked with a complete stranger who has just handed you £70 for the privilege, is about as erotically charged as having a smear test.
If I'd written 120,000 words on sheep and cows, you'd snap it to with a yawn after five pages and go sort out the loft. And were it the endless exploits of yet another hooker, well, I don't know, but there's only so much material one can extract from the subject matter of genitalia. More than likely you'd drop it off at your local charity shop along with ‘How to Build your own Chicken House out of pallets’ and ‘Knitting for Profit’. So..I'm hoping that by combining the two professions, you might hang around and see the book out.