Reflection

Looking Back

Slowly my eyes open to the faint daylight peeking through the blinds of my bedroom window.  It’s nice to be in that not quite awake state and I stretch it out as long as I can.  Then I remember it’s a week day and I must get up and get ready for work.  As I slowly put my feet on the floor, I hear Chico, my cat, meowing at the front door.  He’s obviously done with his nighttime antics and is ready for breakfast.  So I let him in, replenish his food dish and head to the bathroom.  From the corner of my eye I catch a reflection in the mirror and think “who is that woman?”  It doesn’t take long for the realization to sink in " it’s me.  What’s happened?  Where is that fresh, young, pretty woman I used to be?

 I gently wash my sleepy eyes and face and finish with a cool splash of water to wake me up.  I inspect my skin hoping to see a glimpse of my youth; but, no such luck.  I reach for my over-priced skin care products that promise much more than they can deliver and apply them as I wistfully hope for a miracle.

A forgiving sweep of powder, rosy blush to brighten my checks and a touch of mascara along with a neutral shade of lipstick makes up my morning routine.  A few touches to my hair and I am set for the day.  Even in my youth I preferred the natural look and today I still follow my tried and true routine but it doesn’t have the same result as before.  I slip into some comfy clothes and I’m off to my office job at a social service agency.

I don’t feel any different now that I am older but I sure look different.  It’s unsettling to have such an inconsistency between what I see and how I feel.   People treat me differently now too.  Just this morning I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few items before work and the cashier barely looked at me.  I had to resort to all sorts of flattery and schmoozing just to get her to pay attention to me.    I find I am doing this more and more now; otherwise, no one sees me.  It’s as if I am invisible.  As I leave the store I see a reflection in the store’s window and think that older woman looks somewhat familiar.  Oh, of course, it’s just me.

It seems that there are mirrors and reflective surfaces everywhere and I can’t seem to get away from this image that haunts me.  I never thought of myself as pretty when I was younger, but, I was known to turn the heads of men as I walked by and I was noticed when I entered a room.  I look at pictures of my younger self and wish I could tell her she is beautiful and lovely and to enjoy this gift of youth.  She holds the world in her in her hands and she needs to make the best of it because it doesn’t last nearly long enough.

Author's Note

I welcome your comments.

Reviews

[Wendy Seames Garner]

Isn't it appalling how age creeps up on us? I turned sixty this summer. It has been a pretty ruff summer for me, I feel like I aged twenty years - though my mind still pleads that it is young. A thought provoking story, Catherine L!

[Catherine L]

Yes, it's quite unsettling. A male friend commented to me that I was too harsh. Ha what do men know about aging!