part 1

I was a stupid little girl when I met him. I was full of big dreams and what he offered sounded great at the time. It was a warm day in September when I saw him again. See he was the lead singer of a band called "greed" He was what I would call perfect so to speak. He had long blonde hair, brown eyes that you could gaze at all day, a smile that could make any girl melt, and an accent that made my heart race. His name was Sean and on that September afternoon I saw him again. I was 18 right out of high school and "in love" with Sean.
    It was right after greed's set at the meet and greet. He sat with his two band mates signing things, taking pictures, and just being Sean. When I finally got to the front of the line I wanted to play it cool and not be some dramatic crazy fan. So I decided to small talk
    "That set was great you guys really rocked." I said trying to look nonchalant.
    "Thank you love." He said and looked up from what he was doing and started grinning. "You're a pretty one aren't you?" He said and I began to blush. "Okay so who do I make this out to?" He said still grinning at me.
    "Catherine" I said. He got a grip and said "Okay" as he looked up to hand it to me he said "Your very lovely…" and he stared at me a moment and said "And your eyes…" He started standing up. "Your eyes are mesmerizing… has anyone ever told you that?" He said still staring at me.
    "Not really" I said and hoped he wouldn't catch me blushing again. Just then Byron, my best friend noticed what was going on and decided to "help"
    "Hey why don't you two take a picture?" Byron said out of nowhere startling both Sean and I.
    "Aye that sounds like a good idea. What do you say love?" Sean said turning to me with that grin on his face again.
    I didn't know what to say or do, all eyes were on me and it was hard to say anything at all.
    "That sounds good to me" I said so coy and timid that I thought no one had heard me. When he got a hold of my hand and began taking me to a place with less of a crowd to take the picture he looked like a little kid in an amusement park for the first time, the way he was walking quickly smiling back at me and just talking about nothing.
    When we got to the place he thought would be a good place to take a picture he stopped and put his arm around me. I was so short compared to him. I only reached his shoulder.
    "1, 2 … and 3" Byron said and on three Sean turned my head to face his kissed me. It was passionate, lustful, long, and completely perfect as it engulfed my whole body with one head to toe chill and made me feel energetic but so completely relaxed once it was over. He pulled away looking as shocked and surprised at his own actions as I was.
    "You taste so… sweet." He said giving me that smile that could make any girl melt.
    "I should get going." He said "But before I go um…" I stared at him as he stammered and looked as though he might be blushing to which made me smile and blush all over again.
    "Yes…" I said hoping it would get him to say it. He stood there and smiled quickly regaining his confidence.
    "I would like to take you out… If that's okay with you?" He said still smiling so confident that I would say yes. I still had that glazed look on my face from the kiss that I could still feel on my lips. I pulled myself together as I felt Byron poking me with the pen that he had pulled out of my purse. I wrote my number on his hand and then looked up and very "sexy" said "Call me." This was so completely cliché that it made Sean instantly grin. I looked down knowing that I had made myself look stupid beyond belief and then I felt Sean's hand lifting up my chin gently until we were face to face.
    "Don't worry it was cute and yes I will call you… yes love?" He said looking for my approval. As I started to grin like an idiot showing that I agreed with the idea, he pulled me in for a hug and then kissed my forehead and started off.
    He stopped turned around and said "Be ready tomorrow… I'll call you later." He turned back around and started running back. I stared at him wanting, needing something, but not knowing if it was closure, more time with him or someone to pinch me, something. I suppose Byron picked up on this because I felt a pinch on my arm.
    "It hurt didn't it?" As I turned to pinch him back he said "Yeah then it was real." He stood there with me until I snapped out of it.
    "You're going to have a big day ahead of you… So what are you going to wear?" Byron said in the car hoping to get my head out of the clouds.
    I stared out of the car window thinking hard about everything as the worry set in. I mean would he really call, would I just be a one night stand, a groupie, would I even sleep with him for that matter, and of course what would I wear? All of this plagued my mind.
    When we got home Byron went straight to answering machine to see if anyone had called him while I just say on the couch drinking a bottle of water like if it was vodka. Wishing it was vodka. I still had that stupid grin on my face. Then I heard it… What changed everything.
    "Cat I know that you're mad and everything but please just call me back. I want to take you out and explain everything."
    As soon as I heard that I came back down from the clouds and hit Earth hard. It was Jacob. Jacob had started this huge fight with me because we had dated for six years and now I didn't want to put out. Although he didn't want to commit. He didn't want to move in together but he got mad when Byron and I moved in together, He didn't want me to leave my stuff at his place because then I was invading his space, He didn't want to get married for at least another fifteen years because marriage was "just too final".
    So when I stopped wanting to have sex with him he got mad because "Once you start giving sex you can't just stop! It's wrong!" When I laughed at him for this comment he got even more mad even though if I were any other girl in my right mind I would have gotten mad and walked out and never talked to his dumb a*s again. But I laughed.
    "You can't have sex without real commitment!" I yelled at him once he got to me after complaining for a few months. It was Sunday afternoon so everyone was at home relaxing and I stood there arguing with Jacob at the top of our lungs. He gave me the worst look I had ever gotten from him and then got up and left his own apartment. I was so ashamed to walk out and see his friends but what could I do. I washed my face and walked out.
    Now two weeks after silence from me and a month of silence from him, he was calling as if everyone didn't know that he and Cynthia had broken up because he "has a little penis." I didn't want to deal with his message and Byron knew this.
    "Do you want Chunky Monkey or Chocolate fudge?" He said holding two spoons and setting the two cartons of ice cream down on the coffee table. He got up and went to my room to get my T.V. show box set and to get my bear.
    I sat there and picked up the carton of Chunky Monkey and a spoon and stuffed a big spoon full into my mouth. He came back and put the first DVD in and sat down next to me, handed me my bear that my mother had given me when I was nine years old. He wrapped his free arm around me and we sat there eating ice cream while he babied me.
    Byron always did this for me and I know what your thinking wasn't I with Byron in the first place right? Well it's very simple Byron is gay, was gay, and will always be gay. I was simply just the Grace to his Will, the Jen to his Jack, and so on.
    We were two episodes in and then the phone rang again. I stared at the phone waiting for the answering machine to get it so that I could see who it was on the other end.
    "God, Byron why does it ring for that long?" I said staring impatiently at the phone.
    "Cat it's only rang twice! Just wait it picks up on the forth ring." He said looking impatiently at me. As I stared at the machine waiting I didn't know what I would do if it was Jacob.
    "Hello Catherine, its Sean um… we met today and you gave me this number I just wanted to…" I got up and ran to the phone and picked it up.
    Trying to sound calm and cool I said "Yeah hi… Sorry about that I was in my bedroom and… yeah." Realizing how stupid I sounded I stopped right as Byron burst out laughing at me.
    "It's okay I was just wondering if we were still on for tomorrow… I mean I have a quick meet and greet in the afternoon and then I'm free for a few months." Sean said. I could almost picture his perfect smile.
    "Yeah that sounds good… where should I meet you?" I said trying to fight off the butterflies I felt in my stomach.
    "Well I could go and pick you up if that's fine with you, I mean I've lived in Settle for almost 4 years now so just tell me where and I'll be there."
    "Okay I live on 43^rd street in between Dalton and Mercery. It's a big grey apartment building, you can't miss it. Can I ask you something?" I said not wanting to freak him out.
    "Sure love what is it?" Sean said.
    "What should I wear?" I said giggling at how stupid I knew that question sounded, and then to rub it in Byron passed by and batted his eyelashes at me, mocking me.
    "Well love wear something comfortable and don't worry about looking fancy this will be fun I promise." He said kind of laughing.
    "Okay that sounds good." I said feeling anxious.
    "Okay well be ready by 7 okay love?" Sean said in the calmest comforting voice.
    "Okay, yeah, great." I said.
    "Okay I'll see you tomorrow Catherine." Sean said and then the phone cut and I was left in udder silence just grasping the phone close to me. It was real… S**t it was real; I was going to go out with a rock star. S**t.
    I turned around and said "S**t Byron what the F**k am I going to do now?"
    "What do you mean what the f**k are you going to do? You're going to go out with Sean because he's smart, funny, RICH, and Hot! Plus he's not Jacob." As Byron said this I just stared at him seeing the fact that he didn't like Jacob and Byron was never wrong about the guys that I dated.
    "Fine but you have to help me decide what to wear okay?" I said pleading with my eyes.
    "Okay come one lets go, I'll take the ice cream, and we'll eat and choose clothes at the same time." Byron said giving in easily as always.
    "Okay let's go!" I said and started walking quickly to my room so that I could start looking around for what to wear before Byron had a chance to start criticizing the clothes that I knew he hated.
    We stood in my room critiquing everything I owned until we finally decided on a black tank top, a dark pair of blue jeans and this red and black hoodie that I hardly ever wore because Jacob didn't like it, with some chucks, and my long hair down.
    The dark jeans made my legs look long, and the tank top brought out my b***s which weren't big but they weren't B cups you know? Byron liked my hair down and straight so we agreed that Byron knew best. I always wore my chucks, and everything else was left to me.
    I let Byron go do his own thing and then I sat at my vanity table and started playing with my make-up. I didn't want to be to done up but a rock star's girl friend has to look done up all the time right? Who knows… So I chose this eye shadow that brought out the light brown in my eyes and decided on clear lips and went to bed.
    It was 9:30 and I was just getting out of the shower. I was in a pair of boxers, and a t-shirt. I was walking to my room when the door bell rang. I kept walking to my room thinking that it was for Byron, one of his many boys that loved him and wanted to be with him. I got to my room and turned on some music and crawled in to read a book before I went to bed.
    "GET THE HELL OUT!" I heard coming from the living room of the apartment. I got up and rushed into the living room hoping that everything was okay and just as I walked out I saw Jacob.
    "WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING HERE?" I yelled as soon as I got close to him and I guess I must have startled him because he pushed me and I fell on the ground. Just as my a*s hit the floor I saw Byron take a swing at Jacob who had just noticed what had happened.
    "Are you okay Cat?" Byron asked helping me get up while keeping an eye on Jacob.
    "Yeah I'm fine but what is he doing here?" I asked looking at Jacob who was at the door just glaring at Byron.
    Byron turned around and said "I guess you ex wanted to finally come back and apologize for his behavior and when I didn't want to let him in to see you we started this and now you know."
    I stared at Jacob, I stared deep into his eyes and all I could say was "Get the f**k out Jacob." I said and walked up to the door and slammed it in his face. I walked back to my room and just laid there wanting to fall into a deep sleep until I finally did around 2a.m.