The Used Car Dealership

A short story about a stegosaurus display who has an argument with a car dealer.

1994

The mighty stegosaurus was proud as he ever was as stood on the roof of the used car dealership. Occasionally he’d greet the customers, the potential buyers of used cars. Good prices, the dealer was sure they could work something out. This car’s too expensive, it’s used. The dealer reassured him that they could work something out, a reasonable monthly payment plan. It was stegosaurus’s job to greet the customers, impress them. That’ll make them want to buy a used car.

“You’re not a real stegosaurus, you know that, right?” the dealer told him one day, looking up at the roof, “You’re a display, a prop.”

The stegosaurus didn’t know what to say to this, the dealer, who he thought he was on good terms with, seemed mad. Sure, the dealer didn’t invite him to his wedding, but he showed up for the reception anyway. Maybe that’s what he was mad about; he did accidently knocked over the wedding gifts with his spiked tail.

“Look, pal! I sell all the cars, what do you do?” the dealer yelled.

“I greet the customers. Everyone loves a good dinosaur display.” the stegosaurus explained.

“Oh, yeah, that’s real nice! How much do you get paid for that? Nothing! You don’t get paid because you’re a display!” the dealer retorted in condescending tone.

That’s when the stegosaurus got mad.

“If it’s gonna be like that then let me tell you something! I don’t like your business practices!” the stegosaurus growled from the roof.

“Yeah?” the dealer shouted childishly.

“Yeah!” the stegosaurus replied childishly, “You sell people junk cars for ridiculously high prices! It’s as if you care about money more than you care about selling people cheap cars for a cheap price!”

The dealer just laughed, putting his hands on his hips and looking at the ground. He slowly walked over to one of the cars, then pointed at it and looked up at this stegosaurus.

“This car’s junk, right? Yes sir. Yes it is junk. That’s why they’re used cars. They’re not new, the mileage sucks, a lot of them need engines, look at that rust! So you, sir, are right, these cars are junk. That’s okay, though! People need cars, and as expensive as these pieces of junk are, it’s still cheaper than to buy one new.” the dealer explained with a big smile on his smile, then he kicked the side of the car and it fell apart, leaving only the metal frame.

“Why do people these cars? I don’t like you’re attitude!” the stegosaurus barked at him, “I’ll tell you something else I don’t like. Every time a husband and wife come here to buy a car, you only negotiate with the husband, you completely ignore the wife, disregard any of her input!”

“Cars are men’s business! Cars are expensive; the man makes the money so he gets to choose what car he buys. It’s not his wife’s decision.” the chauvinistic dealer growled, “You’re not gonna preach at me from my roof, get down from there, you stupid dinosaur!” The stegosaurus ignored this order. He never cared much for the car dealer, but he didn’t think he was this much of an idiot.

“You listen here, pal! Get down from there or you’re fired!” the dealer picked up a rock a hurled it at the dinosaur display, but the stegosaurus dodge it and roared.

“It’s the man’s decision! He’s the breadwinner of the household, so he chooses the car! Do ya understand, dinosaur?” the dealer scowled, picking up another rock. He threw it but he missed.

“I’m coming down, and you don’t have to fire me, y’know why?” the stegosaurus leaped from the roof of the dealership and landed with a thundering sound. The ground shook, causing dealer staggered. He was startled, trying to keep his stance.

“Why?” he shouted at the dinosaur.

“Because I quit!” the stegosaurus stated.

The dealer stood there, silent, with a scowl on his face.

“Ooooh, owned!” the stegosaurus taunted.

The dealer looked up at the roof. Without the stegosaurus display, what was going make his dealership any different from all the others? The stegosaurus display, as much as he disliked it, was what brought the customers in. Now what? The customers, the potential buyers, sure aren’t gonna come for the cars.

“Get back up on that roof!” he pleaded but in an authoritarian manner, pointing up at the roof, “You gotta attract more customers!”

“No! No until you admit that you have bad business practices! You already admitted that the cars are junk, so I’m proud of you for that.” the stegosaurus was making his offer, “but there is one other thing I want you to say before I climb back up there.”

“Well what is it?” the dealer asked, annoyed.

“I want you to say men and women are equal.” the stegosaurus said.

“Get out of here, I ain’t saying that.” he said, turning his back to the dinosaur and heading to his car.

“Why?!” the stegosaurus shouted.

The dealer swiftly turned around, facing the dinosaur, and exclaimed “because it ain’t true! Look here, you stupid prop, I know this is 1994 and more and more women are entering the workplace, but that’s not the place for them. Men should go to work and bring home the cash. Women should stay home and take care of the house, clean and cook the meals, that kind of stuff! Don’t give me that look, women got the better deal! Jobs ain’t easy. They get stay home all day! The least they can do is make the meals and clean the house.”

The stegosaurus turned around, disgusted by the dealer’s words. His views on women’s rights were so wrong, but he was probably raised that way, so it was useless to argue with him. He was right about one thing though, he wasn’t a real dinosaur. He was just a prop, a gimmick to lure people into the dealership. He plotted through the gravel, slowly making his way into the woods; there he would build his nest.

“Go on, get out of here!” the dealer shouted way behind him.

“I don’t want you singing about me on any cassette tapes!” he shouted back at him, swinging his spiked tail.

“Yeah, as if!” the dealer cynically said, “Look at you, talking heap of wood and plaster! If there was a contest for being made of wood and plaster, you’d win first prize! How do ya like that? Just remember whose wearing the business suit!”

“I don’t want any cassette tapes with songs about me on them! I’ll take my severance pay as berries!” the wood and plaster display yelled.

“You don’t get any severance pay, you jackass! You quit!” the dealer laughed “Besides, why would a wood and plaster display want berries anyway? You can’t eat them.”

“Yeah, better make it hot glue and duct tape!” the display decided.

“If I had fired you, then you would’ve got severance pay. Oh wait, no you wouldn’t, because you’re not real. Just because you shaped like a dinosaur doesn’t mean you are one.” the dealer explained.

“Yeah, and just because you’re shaped like a man, doesn’t mean you’re one either.” the display muttered as he walked away from the dealership. He would find a new job, and if he didn’t, he’d have to be reinstated by popular demand. After all, everyone loves a good dinosaur display.