Ellie

A Poem by Austin Cates

A man remembers a love from a time when life was perfect.

Ellie

by Austin Cates

Not a day has gone by in these lasting years of my life that I have not felt the cold, hollow pit of loneliness deep within my soul.

Not a single time has the sun passed over the horizon that a small piece of me has not passed with it.

However, I remember a time when this was not the case. I remember my heart beating with a tumultuous fervor. I remember Ellie.

That soft, golden hair that never seemed to end. Those energetic, brown eyes that could peer through mere flesh and bone to find the best in everyone.

In a room full of breathing mouths and wandering eyes I would only ever see her. Then my chest would vibrate from the pounding within it.

When she would lie beside me I felt the rest of the world fade into the void, leaving us adrift in our own sliver of time.

That was before I knew what was coming. That was when I lived in the sweet ignorance of bliss.

Ellie held a secret within her heart like a poison and it was eating her alive to keep it from me.

One night, when the liquor had finally gotten the best of her, she spilled that poison from her heart and it seared my flesh away when it made contact.

Ellie, my beautiful Ellie, was dying...

A rare form of cancer was slowly working it's way through her organs, destroying everything about her with sinister subtleties.

The news froze my lungs and eviscerated my mind. My emotions flared in every direction in a matter of seconds.

Confusion was caused by the liquor, then bitter reassurance came from Ellie's face. I was furious that she kept something like that from me, then immediately terrified that she would be gone.

All I could do was hold her tighter than ever before and hope in vain that I could steal that horrid fate from her body and place it within my own.

As the salty desperation flowed down y cheeks, I felt my soul shiver with a fear I could not describe with a thousand words. An anger latched onto that fear like a parasite, growing stronger with each passing moment.

"Why her?" I screamed inside my head. "Why her when there are so many more deserving of such a fate?" Ellie was so pure, so innocent...

She had a deep and profound sense of the world that made the simple action of taking a breath seem priceless.

The way she spoke of life would send shivers down my spine and the butterflies would take flight in my belly.

She never spoke ill of anyone, but rather spoke of the small things that made them great in their own way.

Even in her final days, that were wrought with pain and a hidden sorrow that could level mountains, she maintained that beauty that weakened my knees.

As I raged inside against any man or God I could think of, Ellie placed her hand upon my face and smiled. It was her silent way of assuring me it would be alright.

My mind finally calmed and that seemingly endless rage faded like a half remembered dream. All that was left was the two of us.

My life will never be the same, it will never be whole again, but I will never forget when it was. I will never forget Ellie.