Guilt, Shame, Remorse and Regret

This is a poem written to my husband, though I'm not going to show it to him. It was just a way to get some thoughts out of my head.

Smothered by the guilt.
Self inflicted, richly deserved.
Burning, yet turning my blood
To ice water. My heart
Begins to pound and
My cheeks flush with shame
And regret for the person
I was.  I became someone
I never dreamed I could be.

I look deep inside
Trying to discover what went wrong.
Though I look often,
I have not found an answer.  My
Only conclusions are that
I was a cruel, blind fool.

After struggling under the
Weight of aching remorse,
I give myself hollow comfort.
I tell myself I didn't
Know how to love you
Until I came out on the
Other side of the hell I created.
Now I know how lucky I always was.

I get the urge to thank you.  To
Hug you and tell you
How grateful I am that you didn't
Give up on me, and you didn't
Walk away. I swallow the words
Back into my throat,
Knowing that to say them would
Only open a healed wound.

Reviews

[Red68]

This is very effective Cat as an internal debate expressed 'on the page', and again the writing is improving as you concentrate on the known and the felt - sometimes raw emotions can be worked thru by writing them out and coming out on the other side.

[CatT]

You are so right, writing out emotions is the way I work through them best. I find it very cathartic. And thank you so much for the kind comments, I really appreciate it! :-)