A Lost Childhood

A poem I wrote when venting out some feelings.

I don’t remember much from my childhood

I have some memories

But that’s it

I’m autistic

That’s probably why I didn’t remember

Until I was older

My autism used to be worse

I would have meltdowns

Over the smallest of things

I’d throw a fit over homework

Chores

When things were too much

Maybe it’s hereditary

Because my mom would throw fits too

Whenever she felt I misbehaved

She would yell and scream

When I became overwhelmed

Or wasn’t able to do what was expected of me

Most of what I know comes from tales

That my mom tells me

And my few childhood memories support these stories

I was always the monster

The animal

I was Hell on wheels

And my mom suffered

Losing her life and sanity

In attempting to raise me

I’ve grown up now

And my autism has improved

My mom hasn’t

She still yells and screams

When I do something wrong

Or get confused

More recently

I’ve realized something

I don’t think this is normal

I know some people now

And I know what they say to me

I don’t know what to think

They could be right

Or my mom could be right

Who do I trust?

Can I even trust myself?

Can I trust what my experience tells me?

I’m really not sure

The question of my lost childhood still remains

Was it really nature

Or was it nurture?

Author's Note

How can I improve this poem? I am a newbie writer, so please be kind <3