Mountains Cold

Over mountains bright and cold,

Where we sing those songs of old,

Where things lie,

Some best unseen,

A monster sleeps down in the deep.

A monster that can swoop and kill,

Can swallow towns up on the hills.

So if he comes,

Run and hide,

For the water will rise,

And people will die.

Over hill and over dale,

Through the rain and the blustery gale,

The water rises and envelops the town,

Not a single survivor, not one person left,

They all are dead,

They all have drowned.

So never venture past your town,

Never trust those songs of old,

Even if they promise caves of gold,

Never climb those mountains cold.

Reviews

[LazerRays]

This is wonderful advice here. I as a child loved old folk tales about treasures and heroes and knights in shining armor. But they always have a monster that you must conquer to show bravery. Maybe only the bravest get the treasure. But take heed, haha. At first I thought you were talking about a dragon. But the waters rising contradicted that. I wonder what beast is terrorizing that town you pictured.

[LazerRays]

And I still love those tales today by the way. Especially Greek mythology :D

[CatCrazy0430]

Thanks so much for reviewing this! The monster in the poem was one I dreamed up for one of my books, called the Balaena, and it was created and cursed by a man to wander for all eternity once he realized what his creation could do, so it destroys all the worlds it comes across in order to kill the man and break the curse.

[LazerRays]

oh how interesting! nice creature, maybe you should write about him :D

[H L Rose]

Ooooh! That story sounds interesting! I want to know more about this monster! I bet you could find some cool Greek mythology for inspiration!

[LazerRays]

Ah yes Greek mythologyyyyyyy!!!!! Super interesting :)

[H L Rose]

It is! I really need to study it more(lol I say that all the time). I want to know more about this creature! What does it look like? Or is not knowing part of the mystery?

[LazerRays]

hahaha yeah greek mythology is the best

[H L Rose]

We should make up our own mythology! Literally called geek mythology and it includes your monster CatCrazy!

[LazerRays]

yeah you should!

[H L Rose]

Where did that “you” come from! I need your geekiness for this! 😂

[CatCrazy0430]

That would be so cool!

[CatCrazy0430]

I envisioned it to look a little like a mix between a dragon and the Basilisk from HP ad the chamber of secrets. :)

[LazerRays]

ooohh harry potterr

[CatCrazy0430]

Yeah. It's my second favorite book series. Speaking of book, have you read the Bobiverse series? It's mucho geeky science fiction!

[H L Rose]

Bobiverse
I like that name. I've never read it though.
The name makes me imagine it has to do with "Bob" and this world inside his head that turns out to be totally epic. and "Bob" is this kids who gets thrown into the universe inside his head and battles to become lord over his own universe.

Harry Potter is part of my childhood. A mix between a dragon and Basilisk sounds geniusly terrifying.

[LazerRays]

bobiverse does sound like that, HL XD

[CatCrazy0430]

The bobiverse books are about a super rich software creator guy who signs up for cryonics, and dies the same day. He becomes a von neumann probe, and the books are about his adventures as said probe.

[CatCrazy0430]

It's really cool!

[LazerRays]

Ah right ;)

[Coyote Poetry]

Wonderful flow of words. You made the reader feel and understand these words. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[CatCrazy0430]

That you so so so much for reviewing this!!!!!

[Chris Shaw]

Your lines have such a story feel about them. I immediately went on a nostalgia trip and heard my Dad reading me bedtime tales. They often had a monster theme which I both loved and hated at the same time. There is much imagery in your work and there is also a lesson to be learned. Thank you for an enjoyable read. I appreciated the subtle rhyme.

Chris

[CatCrazy0430]

Thanks so much for reviewing this!

[Cyria Writer]

This poem is so amazing it can become a song! I love how it describes a cold mountain and how it can hide something from us, a secret.

[CatCrazy0430]

Thanks so much for reviewing this!

[H L Rose]

This is captivating! I love the old folk story feel and how it ends with a reminder from the beginning of the poem in order to bring it full circle.

Because of the rhyme scheme I was a bit thrown by the changing of the number of lines in each stanza. But there's probably nothing wrong with that.

Because of how intriguing the story is, I bet you could lengthen it and give it more depth and explanation. From the very first stanza(which might be my favorite of the whole poem), I am driven by curiosity. The poem has the potential to develop a whole scene that would completely envelope the reader in the mystery. Based off these four stanzas I think you could totally keep the reader captivated for longer. I love your imagery.

I really enjoyed reading this! Thanks for sharing it!

[CatCrazy0430]

Thanks so much for reviewing this!

[H L Rose]

Of course!