Secret love and hidden memory

Someone today told me. Write a new poem. Here it is.

                         











 


















Secret love and hidden memory.

I saw her face today.
Made me wander back in time.
Each of us hold our Beatrice's near.
The writer holds on to memories like a drunkard holds on to his wine.

Do our memories become less with time?
Do innocent kisses and embraces of youth become sweeter with age?

Do dreams of beautiful brown eyed young woman leave your thoughts
and you become empty?

Can you escape the dance of long sweet kisses and yearning to touch
tender and warm flesh?

Age allowed us to ponder old memories.
Make us wished we held tighter and done more.

Beautiful faces dance in my head.
Old thoughts forgotten.
Rebirth to make me remember I loved a brown eye girl once.

                                     Coyote
                                     May2012

Author's Note

Any mistakes. Please assist a old Poet.

Reviews

[Liderien]

there is an s on "dances" third line from the bottom. it should either be danced or dance.

The line under the picture could be shortened to fit the poem better.
instead of
""The writer holds on to memories like a drunk holds on to his wine"
The writers hold to memories like a drunkard to his wine.

That is all my friend. Thank you sharing. It brings me great joy to read your writings.

[John Jackson (El Juero)]

I am not sure if the faces of those we love(d) ever fade from our memory.
Thank you for helping me remember a brown eyed girl, and smile...

[CourtneyShay]

wow this is awesome

[Stacey Watts]

Memories never fade. I love this poem. This was a wonderfully written and well thought out journey you took us on. The questions are all we ponder sometimes of old loves. Not forgotten but tucked away in our hearts to take out for another day.

[Amila Jay]

This is beautiful and fascinates the reader's mind. Excellent poem :))

[Erica Daubert]

I really liked this poem. The older I get, the more I look back on past romances and smile no matter how they ended. Time really does make the heart grow fonder.

[S]

'Made me wander back in time.' time can appear as an illusion- within every present moment the past lingers. Beautifully written- & interesting allusion to Dante.

[Diwakar - "The Warrior ..]

Beautiful Poetry ...... and the flow of thoughts are amazing. Yes the thoughts are our secrets for refreshment. Its like taking a rebirth for few minutes by diving into the sea of past.

Very nice poem :-)

[Dane Osborne]

For the most part this was great. Very passionate yet sad. Like all your work, the language is simple and direct BUT YET there is a subtle elegance to the words that suck the reader in.

I'd say there are a few mistakes but only grammatical ones. I'll elaborate.

Rebirth to make me remember I loved a brown eye girl once.

That sentence would probaly be smoother as:
Rebirth: to make me remember I once loved a brown eye girl.

As for these two sentences:
Age allowed us to ponder old memories.
Make us wished we held tighter and done more.

You could link the two sentences together by simply using "and" and changing "make" to "made" and "wished" to "wish". For example:
Age allowed us to ponder old memories and
made us wish we held tighter and done more.

Look, that is my own subjective opinion but I thought I would offer my help on that.

Great poem and thank you for sharing, good sir.

[外人 (Gaiji..]

ok, great poem, your verses and lexic are full of wisdom !
there's something i can't describe that makes this poem look like a delicate beautiful little diamond !
i see your style here, a mix of couplets, triplets and quatrains used in a logical way

[Cree Nations]

'brown eyed girl'

Good write.