My siren

Sometime we need beauty and mystery to keep our hope alive.

                  





           














   My Siren

  The cold days of winter leave me longing and yearning for the hot days of summer.
 
  The winter days bring back the memory of our closure of our time together back to my bleeding heart.
 
  I been treading in the corridor of agony and bounded to want the elixir of your sweet kiss.
 
  In hallucinated dreams caused by too much tequila. I'm at your balcony. You come to me in your cotton white nightgown and seduced my soul  and mind with  your beautiful blue eyes. You drop your nightgown and show me your perfect body and open your arms bringing  me into your warm bed.  You put me under your sweet spell.
 
  Tantalizing long and passionate kisses lead us to the hunger and  into  the bliss of love.
 
  The twilight bring lovers entrenched in the fortune of youth and the hunger to dance in the sweet rendezvous of lust and passion.
 
  My surreal dream fall apart when the night fade into daybreak.  The trance of the tequila wear down and the promise of a Siren who titillated my life fades away to keepsakes and sweet memories savor in the manifest dreams of a old man.
 
  I sit by the sea and wait for the sun to rise. I feel the cold of Pacific ocean at my feet.
 
  The corridors of doors left behind crumble with time.
 
  Age taught me to hold my lover tighter. To serenade my lover with sweet music of thankfulness. To smooth lovers with  words of love and passion.
 
  The beautiful woman we hold and sacrifice our soul for. Are the memories that will pacify our heart when the cold of winter comes.
                        Coyote
                     January 19, 1989

Author's Note

A old poem. I hope you enjoy. Any mistakes. Please assist. Never too old to learn.

Reviews

[Warren L.G De Mills]

This was great. Honestly I'm not a big fan of the structure...or lack thereof though. Your request for corrections is necessary. There are mistakes:

"I been treading" should read "I HAVE been treading" or "I've been treading" (5)

This is the main error through out the poem, the inconsistency of your tenses. Some are past some are present. I think some work needs to be done on this. You are capable of better honestly. Although I did enjoy reading it and your language and imagery was good, there are some things that need to be fixed and reworked and I think you could do well with this if you edit it.

Oh and here's an idea that popped in my head, hoped you were gonna do this when i saw the first line but you didn't and I was like ":(" Contrast the longing for summer in winter, with a longing for winter in summer, which then leads you back to your memories. For instance "The cold winters days leave me longing for the warm embrace of the summer sun. The smothering embrace of the burning sun leaves me reminiscing on winter's delight. I fade through the memories of us together etc etc" Just an idea. Hope this helps!

[Amber "Victoriomantic" ..]

This was a wonderful piece. Sometimes we need to listen to our dreams a bit more than others do.

[misscb]

Great work yet again... Your flow was on point from start to finish... You had your readers gripped from your very first line; The cold days of winter leave me longing and
yearning for the hot days of summer... Well done!!!

[AK]

Wow! That's was amazing! Beautiful language and great flow. It really transports the reader to another world, a world you created.
There are just two things that I clearly think need some attention-
1.the tense used in the poem is not consistent. You start off with present perfect continuous and then you go on to simple present and so on...You might want to choose one tense and stick to it unless this was intentional.
2.there are a few grammatical errors like
i)I been treading in corridors...
Should have been
I have been treading....
ii)My surreal dream fall apart when night fade into daybreak
Should have been
My surreal dream falls apart when night fades into daybreak

It might help if you run a quick spelling and grammar check. That will prevent reviews like mine(I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you with this review!)
Hope this helps, Akanksha

[Cassie Fraga]

you always grip me and hold me through your whole piece... and that my friend is talent!!! good ol picture of love and loss... its just hard sometimes to not dwell on it... but you turn into a positive look. Thank you for that!! GREAT WRITE!!

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This is incredible work. The imagery really took me away. The structure of it all caused scenes to play through my mind like a movie. IMO I thought that it helped create a smooth transition between the thoughts. Also, it was nice to take a breather after the imagery. It is not a poem that can be enjoyed while rushing through. This was short film that etched itself into my mind. You did a great job of creating such a complete story with so little space.

[quinfinn]

your poetry has such depth and such wonderful imagery that i am always drawn right into your fantasy and live it as i consume the written words. beautifully written and ingeniously conceived.

[hmm]

This is simply amazing! I really like your story here.

That is an awesome poem. It speaks love, lust and loss. It is nice to always remember the past but never to dwell in the past.

[Angelic Surrender]

I think it's beautiful and hold a great lesson to all lovers out there. good work

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Hi Coyote,
I enjoyed your romantic tale about your siren of yesterday.
I hope there is one man who perhaps will dream of me like this one day.
I could feel the passion and longing. Thank you.

Chloe