Sing and dance till the end

Old poem written when I was young and questions all things. I learn we are in-charge of our life. Best walk the good road. Written in 1981.

                       
              Sing and dance till the end

The rain is pouring down.
The dusk of the day had passed and gone.
I tossed the empty tequila bottle inside a open trashcan.
Austin, Texas is quiet.
I sat and waited for the coffee shops to open.
Better to be wet then drive drunk to Fort Hood..

I looked at the sky.
Prayed to God for answers to my questions.
The rain fell upon my face.
I saw a phone.

I went to the phone.
I dialed  the operator.
A young woman answered.
I told her "I wanted to speak to God?
I need the phone number to God?'"

The operator paused a second.
Spoke without much thought.
"God is unlisted. Only a friend can give God a call."

I told her.
"My call is important. I must hear his voice.
I must know he gives a damn."

The Operator spoke strongly.
" God phone number is unlisted. Give him a prayer.
He may be listening."

I told her.
" I prayed. He didn't listen.
I think he has forgotten us. I think he has left us."

The Operator with a stern voice .
"Maybe God is busy. You may get lucky. Keep praying."

I heard a clink.
The line is silence.
I walked the quiet streets of Austin in the rain.
A ringing sound appears in my head.
The sound whispered  sounds and voices.
"God is busy. He is drinking tequila with the Angels in Mexico.
He is saying it is too late for man.
Maybe it is a good day to die is singing in my head."
 
I went to downtown Austin.
I like the lights of the city.
Create a strange warmth.

I like the night people.
Few clean people roamed late at night.
You can buy love for a time. You can buy love for the night.

So many stories.
People confused and lost roaming the destine streets.
I asked a lone man standing in the darkness of a corner.
"Did he know the phone number to God?"

He told me.
"Unlisted, only for the pure and the innocent to know."
He give me a big smile. He whispered. "I heard he drinking tequila with
the Angels in Monterrey, Mexico. He is waiting for the end."
The man took my hand. With fear in his eyes he told me.
"A fine day to die."

I leave the man.
He reached in his coat and gave me a toast with his cheap whiskey.
He yelled at me.
"Don't look for God. You will find him and be disappointed."

I become more confused by the second.
I sat in the park by the Austin river.
The bright light of the city is surrounding me.
I stood on the park bench and I yelled.
"God, do you care?"

I looked down.
A  young woman is watching me.
She was young and her eyes were old.
She asked could she  sit with me.

I asked her.  "Why was she here with me."
She answered. "I came to Austin to find beauty and a better place.
I found only a dirty and a cold world. I see you have reach your end too.
Let sit together."

I brought her close to me on the bench. I held her tight. Her soft sad eyes
looked into my eyes. She told me. " You remind me of a lost love. He got
lost in the booze and drugs. He is gone now."

I looked into her brown eyes. I asked her." Does she know the phone number to God?
She looked at the ground and brought her face close to my face. She told me.
"God has left us a long time ago.  Man's deeds were too much for him. He killed off the sea and the sky. Man's killed his brothers without thought. He twisted-up religion to allow killing. He is in Mexico with the Angels. He is saying it is a good day to die."

I brought the young woman closer.
I felt the warmth of her body near. Her soft hands in my hands bring a spark
of hope for a second. Then I become cold again.

I closed my eyes.
I saw a number. I got up and told her. "I know God's phone number."

She smiled.
A smile of pity. She said nothing as I ran for then phone. I dialed the number.
The phone rings and a operator voice appeared.
"I'm sorry the line has been disconnected.  God has took a trip.
Don't leave no messages. He is in Monterrey, Mexico drinking
tequila at the Holiday Inn waiting for the end of time."
 
I fell down.
The phone is hanging. I looked up.
The young woman reached her hands out to me. Pulled me into her arms.
She caressed my face with tender and soft hands.

She told me. "I'm sorry you didn't get hold of God. I tried to find God many times.
I saw what you saw. I felt what you yearn for. God is busy. He is drinking tequila with the Angels at the Holiday Inn in Monterrey waiting for the end."

She kissed my hands and my lips. Told me. "I know I'm ugly with disappointment.
You are not so pretty any more. Let's trick God and the Devil. Let's sing and dance till the end of time. Let's pray the tequila run out and God will taste the bitterness of this world."

I returned the kiss to her. Told her. "Today we will drink and dance. Don't look like a good day to die today. The Devil has won the battle. We will celebrate this day. Sing and dance till the end. We will laugh and try to find some pleasure."

My brown eyes girl gave me a smile. I heard her laughter for the first time. We walked in the dawn of  Austin morning.

We stop by the Austin River. She told me. "I will walk into hell or heaven with my arms wide open. Come with me my sad man. Let's dance and sing till the end."

Two strangers walked into the city hand in hand. Sometime little hope is better then none.

                                  Coyote
                               1981
 

Author's Note

This was a bad time in a life. Young and trying to understand life. I have 15 books of poetry of questions during this time. Most of the question are still not answered. Any error. Please help.

Reviews

[Becky C Strukamp]

This poem speaks so loud and clear of how one may feel when disappointments, tragedies and such enter our life and we wonder why, why does God let this happen? Why why why. When our lives continue to spiral downward, we sometimes do think God is not listening, You penned this beautifully. I love the way you are trying to get God's number to no avail, you dont give up your journey, you continue, A truely amazing poem. I Loved it. Your imagery again, so vidid, lurring us along with you. Magnificent write.

[Tainted Ink]

Wow!! You weave an epic path of sin born in misery, and I love your willingness to expose self-loathing and make it gritty and real, but really, I think it's awesome you say f**k you to God and the world and decide your going to dance til the end, thats the spirit...step away from the edge, unload the bullets, throw away the razor, return the pills to the bottle and give God the Tequila, cuz your going to dance...and bye the way, this could be a country song, and if anything gives me hope it's music....

[P.M. Lenski]

Coyote..wow!!! This poem was amazing and I really loved the operator conversation. I could feel your dark emotions in all these powerful lines. I love it!

[李[A]]

Wow. I'm kind of speechless after reading this poem. First of all, analytically speaking, the length of this poem is ridiculous, yet the prose creates such a steady flow that it's a long poem with a story imbedded in. I also enjoyed the constant use of "I" to make this so personal to yourself. In terms of content, I was amazed thematically at how you approached this message: the belief and trust in God, faith, etc. and the so real extended metaphor. I found it interesting how figurative language was used in such a real way as interactions between the woman and you were so touching. Absolutely stunning story, and adding to my library (#2). Kudos to you for an amazing write!

[Nansi London]

Despite a few grammatical errors, there was not one word written that did not serve its purpose in making your state of mind evident. I loved this story, and I think I loved it more because it is real and we all can relate to a time of questioning in our lives. I was there...a dark place in world where the sun still shined brightly. a loneliness when there were people all around me; bumping me about to and fro. and a depression hidden cleverly behind a brilliant smile that deceived even me some days until i feel for my heart and find it silent. It made me remember but I've grown since then so I could appreciate the walk down memory lane with out being affected by the road blocks. A message I saw? Despite everyone telling you to give up on finding that answer, you still kept searching and when you couldn't find it you decided to be happy anyway because one day it would come. Such hope. Its what I received from the reading and the positive message I choose to take. Thank you for this...
London.

[Scandalous]

I have often struggled with religion and trying to find myself in a world so full of pain and disappointment. It speaks so loudly of the hard trials you have been through and how you have overcome even desperate measures. Very beautiful, yet full of grammar mistakes. Thank you for sharing such an inspiring piece.

~ Scandalous

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Your writing always has a great story in it, something to learn or answer or feel! This had strong emotion of abandament from God! Sometimes we all seek him and feel that he has left, but he's still here and will always be! Excellent poem

[KAREN]

It's really relateable. Sometimew I feel that God is not listening to me, but I keep praying and believing that he anwers in his own time frame. I really felt the emotion and pain.

[Sunflower/Sara Kendrick]

God is alive and well..The reason we can't connect is within us...We are the ones who have disconnected..I hope that you have found him and if not I will pray that you find him..Enjoyed reading your work..Sunflower

[Tina Kline]

Trying to understand what is so hard, trying to connect to the source of you faith. Perhaps the answer is spoken at the end...have hope. This is a truly wonderful story of trying to keep faith alive in a truly dark and confusing world.

[OT]

I'm glad you kept those books though - when you read back - you can see the evolution of self - this is a brilliant poetic - so strong of disappointment and frustration - the why's that plague us - it's a journey alright - great write! nice job!