Your words are beautiful truth Coyote. This poem is a jewel to put in the crown of your love. It matches her beauty, as the photo shows. Eloquent, lyrical, tender...a song to the person whose love must never be taken for granted...in good times and bad...”Did I tell you?” In this poem, you did. Superb!
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Thank you dear friend for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.
I am a firm believer in letting loved ones know how you feel everyday for tomorrow might be to late... simple direct words but those are the most sincere heart to heart... I hope that person got to read this.
this obviously a very deep and personal piece, as told by you author's note. i can appreciate the sentiment, and am personally moved by this. however, this poem is lacking in flow, in my opinion. in order to better this from a purely sentimental work, and into a truly great poem, some revisions are necessary. i will not totally rewrite this poem, because then it would be mine, and it is yours to mold. however, i do have a few suggestions off the top of my head below:
1. i would make all the stanzas two line stanzas, just move up the first line of stanza two to the second of stanza one. this will aide in consistency.
2. i feel you use the word "life" too much. use different words. be more descriptive in your feelings. this will help with the flow and with the "too sentimental" feel of this piece. if you try and expand on these base/universal emotions, and add more "personal" notes, the piece will ultimately become better.
3. try not to be cliched. the "angel" is nice, but a bit overdone. plus, why is she an angel? if you were a bit more descriptive of the scenarios, i might buy it more.
4. rhythm, rhythm, rhythm!! read the piece aloud, and you will see why it sounds more like a letter than a poem. it needs more flow. maybe some alliteration or internal rhyme, something. just try it, read it aloud, and make tweaks from there.
i want to say that i did appreciate this work. i'm definitely not trying to squash it, only hoping for it to be made better. keep writing and editing... later.
So true love!
This is beautifully expressed, being grateful to those who are in our lives, often is taken for granted!
Wonderful poem to express that
xx
Taking time to give thanks shows a humble and caring heart. Sometimes it is all a person needs to hear to help them continue their journey with you. How often has time stolen away these words, how often do couples never even talk anymore. It only takes a few minutes to tell someone that you love them. Excellent write.
A Poet and writer who love to read and write.
My pleasure is reading about the bad and good in a life.
Also to honor the Poets/Writers of the past by reading their words.
Remember .. more..