The Lover, A Soldier prayer.

Soldier goes off to War. Need kind and sweet memories to keep them human.

                     The Lover (A soldier prayer)
 
Poor boys and men.
Roads lead to War.

 
Young woman with a  sweet smile.
Silk dress.
Smelling like sweet flowers.

 
Whisper,  "let's dance tonight.
You shall go to War."

 
"Tonight we need to create photos for the heart."

 
"Memories to keep you warm when you are lonely and afraid."

 
Young man brings the sweet Angel close.
Whisper kind words of love and thankfulness.

 
Soldier stand alone.
Cleans his M-16.
Death is all around him.

 
He closes his eyes.
He remembered.
The smell of flowers.
The feel of the silk dress.

 
The sweet smile of his love.

 
Keeps him human.

 
                  John Castellenas
                  4 April 2009
 
 
 

Author's Note

I stood alone on guard duty on the border of Iraq. Didn't think of War. I thought of beautiful faces and family.
Coyote

Reviews

[E. Leo Wells]

Do a little soldier poetry myself ...fought the demons and the devil, walked the trail and waded the rivers, ...you stuff is good, Soldier stand alone. Cleans his M-16. Death is all around him. nice verse, working on some new stuff ....keep writing and posting
E Wells KY

[Cryingkate]

Hope you made it home Dear Soldier E.Leo Wells ! I send you a Thank you for your service for all of us.
And I send A Song of hope with my tears that Mankind will someday overcome the war machine and live together in Peace.
May someday the only war we make is the war cry for Peace.

I enjoyed this sensual delve into human nature at its most lustful moments during a long and enduring absence, and in the midst of war. But the words felt very stuck on the page and were hard to swallow because of the punctuation. I felt the end stops were very forced with the consistent use of periods. If the feeling you were trying to convey was missing somebody, and longing for their presence, I don't necessarily feel that when I read it. I agree with memories and fragments of memories being slow, and sometimes very difficult or hard to swallow, but the flow of this poem makes it feel like you don't want nor can you accept the memories.

There is also a consistent changing of voices that is confusing. It feels like a narrative in the opening two lines, "poor boys and men. / road leads to war." Then it switches to a direct narrative, "tonight we need to create photos for the heart," and then, by the end of the poem, back to a narrative, "sweet smile of his love. / keeps him human." It's sometimes alright to switch tenses in poetry, but a lot of times it confuses people. Maybe playing with the structure of the poem would help this out. Other than that, the poem has very nice imagery, and could, with a few improvements, have very nice flow as well. Play around with the hierarchy of the situation too, maybe you can find a nice happy medium that you like, because after all, isn't this poem really about loss of power? kind of funny that in essence, a soldier helps gain power to a country, but by doing so, he forfeits his own freedoms, basically becoming a prisoner in many ways. Very tragic thing. Thanks.

[abhas]

wonderful ... just wonderful... i could see through this poem... see with your eyes... how a soldier would feel... and really moved me... the last two lines... sent an uneasiness... wonderful poetry... fascinating...

[Morning Star]

I Salute you, Your man who's been there and found
A way to live through it day by day,
Your words captured a stunning vividness and imagery
I know you wrote this piece with the quill of your heart
Peace be yours and theirs always.
Yolie (c :)

[An owl on the moon]

This is deeply moving.. powerfully vivid in your reflective prayer to stay human.. connected to love and beauty in the midst of pain. "Tonight we need to create photo's for the heart." I loved the richness and humanity of your words.. Simply amazing.

[melissa]

another great poem:)

[shammi]

wow, a nice poem coyote.... a nice blend of feel.....

[Jasmine]

ok, wow... what great expression of emotions. you capture and understand their feelings and situation perfectly.
it is heartbreaking, yet also strangely comforting... i think of war poets like Wilfred Owen, who condemn the effective slaughtering of boys and young men in WW1

but your poem gives them a shred of hope.

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

I love the sweet essence of the poem,The sweet smile of his love.


Keeps him human.
That last line is so very well thought and is so real and genuine,i loved that line.Yes it is difficult to imagine from the neat comforts of our home that how our soldiers are facing each day,in adverse climates and harsh places..but one thing that is universal is love indeed..it always makes us feel human amidst the most cruel of conditions,it is same for a soldier and even a civilian amidst the day to day adversities...it is love that pulls us together and takes us ahead.

[Bubo]

When we think of war we think of destruction, but here you make us see what keeps those brave men from being destroyed, memories. And its all they have to cling on to. Beautifully written.

[Marie Harrison]

Wow, what a powerful poem spoken from someone who was there. Makes me want to find a soldier to start writing to. I think I'll have to after reading your poem Coyote Poetry. It's the least I could do.

I enjoyed the various vantage points and perspectives this poem offered. The soldier's personal thoughts, the voice of the women passing by, and their exchanges with each other. Made the poem more interesting.