The lost generation.. Part two.

When you know only s**t. Can you make s**t taste good? War. Is s**t.

The lost generation. Part two

Tonight I drink my whiskey. Gentleman Jack had become my favorite. I dreamed again last night about a soldier. I said before. I do believe in reincarnation. The soldier served in WW1 and in my dreams. I can feel his struggles and disappointments. When he came home in December of 1919. He was released in New York City. He went to the New York Central station directly and he bought a ticket for Detroit, Michigan. Was a long train ride and he sat in the bar section. He wasn’t ready for New York city and he needed to find his family, he needed to find his Highs School sweetheart Susie. Susie wrote him weekly and he would send postcards. He saw his face in the window of the train. He joined the Army in 1916 at seventeen. His face was a old man face now. Soft lines on his face showing that he became ugly. He knew he wrote to dear Susie to keep her from worrying about him. Never a negative word. In Paris, the First Division took Paris. He had opportunity with the pretty women of France. But he was so tired. His back hurt from sleeping in dirt for two year and he needed the strong drink. The women of Paris were kind and polite. They saw his need for conversation and drink. Paris was loud and alive. He wasn’t.

He arrived in Detroit late in the night. He still had his uniform on and he decided to walk the three miles to his mother’s house. No-one bothers or talked to a lone soldier with a duffle bag walking alone. He arrived at his mother’s home at 2 am. He sat on the porch and he waited for the sun. At six am, he heard his stepdads making coffee and his breakfast. He knocked on the door lightly and his stepfather Jack opened the door and he hugged him. Jack asked him. Why didn’t you call me? I would have came and pick you up. He told him. We didn’t know when we would be released in New York City. The poor captain had to sign release forms a ship-filled with soldiers needing to escape the ship. I wasn’t in a hurry. I was one of the last. Captain Smith asked me. Corporal Castellenos. Are you okay? Do you have a place to go? His eyes were dark with sadness too. I wondered how many letters did he write to poor mothers and family to inform them of their sons death? He had medals of many conflicts and I told him. I don’t know where my home is now? I am not right sir. He stood up and he took my hands. He told him. We are f**k-up Corporal. He asked him. We have medals now, we left half our soldiers in the No-man Land. What did we become? His eyes were heavy with memories and he told me. We are alive and we are not done yet. You survived hell and back. Everything else will be easy now.

Jack made him eggs and bacon and he gave a large coffee. Jack told him. Your mother would of wanted a grand welcome home party Johnnie. He told him. I don’t want a grand home coming. I don’t feel so grand. Jack was a preacher and a strong man. He came to him and he hugged him. He told him. welcome home son. I will ensure your mama doesn’t go crazy and did you call Susie yet? She had stopped here often and she asked about you. He looked at Jack and he asked him. I don’t believe Susie need a broken man Jack. Jack smiled and he told him. Broke things can be fixed. He heard a noise and his mother appeared. She was wearing heavy sleep clothing and she ran to him. She had tears falling and she held him very tightly. She kissed his face a hundred times. She asked him. Why didn’t you call first? When were you released? He told her. Yesterday in New York City. I went to the train station and I came home momma. She watched him eat and she asked Jack. Did you call his sister? Jack told her. Johnnie is very tire. Please honey, allow him to rest. His mother held silence and she looked at his face. She told him. Damn war Johnnie. You left a boy and now. You are a man with great sadness. What can I do? He told her. I will be okay.

He called Susie at University of Michigania at 9am. She was very happy and she demanded to see him now. He told her. I will meet you at the College library at 12pm. He took off his uniform and Jack gave him his some old clothing. Jack told him. You gained 40 pounds. almost as big as me now. He dressed slowly and he wondered. What would Susie think of him? He walked the four miles to the college. Old Detroit had changed. New cars everywhere and people running everywhere like mad people. He didn’t like it. He sat in the library and he watched the students. A lot of students recognized his hair cut and they left him be. Susie walked into the Library. She was more beautiful than he could remember. She saw him and she ran to him. Flooding his face with kisses and embrace. She asked him. Why didn’t you write me, you were coming home? He told her. We were loaded on a ship in Germany, a boatload of soldiers and we were very happy to leave Europe. we didn’t know Susie. She told him. My father will pick us up in a half-hour. My mother had made you a dinner and my father told us. Johnnie will need time to gather his thoughts. Three college boys were laughing at us and he asked them. What is so funny? The largest of the three boys told him. You damn soldiers think you can take all the pretty girls, you think you are important. You were just the dumb-asses who fought in Europe for other people. He walked to the three college students and he told him. I recommend silence before I can teach you respect. The three young men laughed again. Susie tried to take him away. He asked her to stand back and he walked to the largest college student who was still laughing. He swung his right fist into the throat of the boy. The boy went down and he knees the boy face. The boy laid on the ground bleeding and his friends ran away. Susie father appeared. A Captain in the Detroit Police force. He told him to stand down and held his shoulders. Susie eyes were wild with concern and fear. He told to Susie. I apologize. Susie took his hand, walked to the car and the father followed. They drove to Susie house in silence.

Susie mother was very happy. She had been cooking all morning. She ran to him and she kissed his face and she told him. I pray for you every night for your safe return. She caressed his face and she asked. Are you okay? Paul take Johnnie to the living room. I will bring coffee and cakes. Paul sat across from him and he told him. I know you are mess-up. I know many who did not return. You don’t have to hide your sadness, you don’t have to keep the memories hidden. Bad memories will kill you. If you need someone to talk to. I am here. Susie is doing good. Almost a nurse. Top in her class. Do you want to be with her? She waiting for you. You are not the young boy who left for war. You are harden, cold and your eyes. Are dead. He asked Paul? Can I be saved? or did I die in the trenches? Paul eyes filled with tears and he told him. Sometimes we cannot heal. We must learn to live with it. Susie and her mother appeared and Susie held his hands. They drank the coffee and they ate the cakes in silence. Susie mother, what are your plans Johnnie? He looked at her and he told her. I don’t know. Paul told them. This is his first day at home. Allow the poor man to think.

Was a good day. Susie mama made a good lunch and a amazing dinner. He told Susie. I must go home to see my mother. Susie demanded he stayed with her. The spare room is empty. He saw in her eyes. She would not allow him to leave. He smiled and he told her. I will stay my sweetie. Susie went to the kitchen and she helped her mother clean-up. He asked Paul for paper and a pen. He wrote Susie a letter. Paul told him. You will brake her heart.

Dear Susie..

You were my sweetheart since fifth grade. I adored you yesterday and I adore you today. You are so beautiful and strong. I am not. I am dead in heart. Lost in s**t. I do not want to destroy your life. Maybe one day. I can be alright? I am leaving you because I am filled with anger, madness and ugly thoughts. You do not need them. Thank you dear Susie for your love, thank you for your kindness. I am so sorry my sweetest love. You need hope, you need love. You need happiness.

Love Johnnie.

He stayed in the spare bedroom and Susie joined him. She wore her heavy sleeping cloth and she held him tightly. He believe she knew. He was leaving her. They shared kisses and light conversation. Susie fell asleep ay 2 am. He kissed her face and he rose-up. He put his shoes on and he left the letter on the night stand. Her father was awake and he went to him. He told him. Find your place, find you peace. Johnnie, I know you are heartbroken and I understand. Sometime better to escape and maybe. You can find your soul again?

He went to his mother’s house. The door was left open. He left her a letter on the kitchen table.

Dear Mother..

I am so sorry my dear mother. I cannot stay in Detroit. I will call often and I will be okay. I need to find people of the sameness. Please forgive me.

Love Johnnie..

Jack came out and he told him. Please remember this is your home. Please write to your mother and please take care of yourself. Once you wanted to be a writer. Be a writer. Try to change the ugly world. He left his mother house at 6 am. He walked to the train station. Only wearing his step-father’s clothing and a pocket filled with war pay. He went to the ticket booth. He told the old man. One-way to New York City please. It was late December and he left a part of himself in the city of Detroit.

Johnnie

Author's Note

Thank you for reading.